Get Your ColdCoffee Brew

“You want kids—“ Paul yanked his hand away and staggered back—“Always, even when you were a kid. And I. Don’t.”

Paul took a deep breath and looked away, but not before Barry glimpsed the wet sheen of his eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but couldn’t find the words.

“You deserve that dream,” Paul continued weakly, quietly, “Two kids, a picket fence around a two story home on the outskirts of one town, in one region. In one place.

“You deserve to have your wedding on a beach with your friends and family. You deserve to have a partner who wants your father to visit for dinner every damned week.”

Paul clenched his teeth hard enough that Barry swore he could hear grinding.

“You deserve better than—“

“Shut up.” Barry could hardly believe he had cut Paul off, but he couldn’t hear this. He didn’t want to.

He knew that Paul had been having trouble reconciling the fact that Barry had chosen to stay with Paul. That Paul had let him. That their careful tiptoeing around their relationship was a strain of the purple haired man’s life. Once again, he had misread his partner.

He though that Paul was having doubts about Barry’s worth. Not his own.

He sucked in a breath.

For once, everything around him seemed to slow down. Like his camera finally focusing on what was important.

He looked at Paul, who wasn’t looking at him.

He looked at his boyfriend? Lover? Partner, and the purple braid hung limply over his hunched shoulders, framing his tired eyes that were staunchly averted.

If there’s one thing Barry knew himself capable of, his strong point when all other abilities fail him under pressure, it’s reading people. Reading Paul.

He could see the tension lining his frame, the indecision and resignation on his face. The premature grief.

Talking. Reassuring. That, Barry could do.

“Paul,” Barry breathed out the fight that had been building in him since this began, with that single, precious word, “I’m going to tell you something, that I don’t think people say to you much.

“You’re wrong.”

He stated it simply and held firm when Paul’s sharp and weary eyes finally, finally, met his.

“Maybe you’re not what I always dreamed of,” Barry started honestly, ignoring Paul full-body flinch, “You won’t, can’t, give me a house in one place with picket fences and two kids. You can’t give me a stable, picturesque family that I always wanted, where I could have kids and always be there for them, a place where my friends and family could come over any day of the week and have dinner.”

Barry smiled and looked out over the water. The sun would rise soon.

“But—“ he reached out a hand a gently tucked a lock of plum hair behind Paul’s ear, “The future I dreamt of and the future I want now, they are two different things.

“I dreamt of stability, but these years of travelling with you, of working for the G-Men, for Interpol and the rangers, of running and not being able to—not having the time—to look back. These years have been the most exciting years of my life.”

Barry laughed, bright and loud, as memories of fire and gunshots and adventure played across his mind like a movie.

“I wouldn’t give this up, not for anything. Not anymore. You—“ Paul’s hand reached up to clasp over his own as he continued, “You are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“I know it sounds corny.” He chuckled when Paul huffed a laugh.

Barry’s wide grin settled into something softer and more adoring against his will, when Paul’s lips twitched up into his favourite sort-of smile.

And as the sun finally peaked over the ocean’s gentle waves, casting the golden light of early morning onto them, Barry couldn’t imagine a more beautiful future than the one standing in front of him.

Barry and Paul, ColdCoffeeShipping. Some people might think, they have no similarities, they couldn’t be more different, so how could they work? To me, they work because of the few ways that they are fundamentally the same.

Personality-wise, yes they couldn’t be more far removed from each other. You have Paul, distant, aloof, values silence and personal boundaries/space. And Barry, someone who is loud and outspoken and affectionate. Literal polar-opposites. But I believe that they make their relationship work because they want it to work. You couldn’t find two more stubborn people. They are literally the definition of unstoppable force meets immovable object, if they both want something they will work for it. Work to gain understanding in each others values, work to gain an even ground.

For all that Barry is shown in the anime to be goofy and relatively…intrusive and hyper, that’s 2D (and as always, limited by writing).

But as a person he has depth and character. Barry is someone who is very emotionally sensitive and he is hyper aware of the state and needs of his friends. Once he comes to care for someone there is truly no length that he would not go to, to make them comfortable and happy. Paul isn’t the exception to this, as someone Barry loves, he is the rule.

And Paul. Paul is awkward, social cues and ‘normal’ behaviour standards are foreign to him. He struggles with touch and affection, even from family-even from his brother. He doesn’t lack compassion and empathy but rather he doesn’t display his care in the way most people might.

Paul and Barry’s relationship is built on years of gaining trust and adjusting habits to make room for the other person in their life. Neither have to change who they are to work, they work by learning to understand and accept each other. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t change either.

Barry doesn’t need to lower his voice around Paul, but he does because he knows that no matter how silly or inconsequential what he says is, Paul always listens. He learns that Paul is more comfortable in the quiet and makes an effort to not be as in-the-face as he sometimes knows he can be. Not because anyone is forcing him but because he loves Paul and knows that his voice is always heard.

Barry doesn’t need to be less affectionate, less clingy. Yes, at first he needed to reign in his impulse to grab and never let go. But he gained Paul’s trust and he doesn’t need to not be affectionate.

He just needs to be gentle. Softer hugs, warm embraces, cuddles on a couch with books and a movie in the background for Barry.

Paul doesn’t need to speak up or speak more. But sometimes he does because he knows that Barry values what he says and makes an effort to listen and understand. He doesn’t need to raise his voice or be controlling to be heard and listened to.

Paul doesn’t need to be comfortable with tight embraces and constant handholding. But he grows to value acts of physical affection because he loves Barry and finds comfort in the comfortable embraces he was denied as a child.

He doesn’t need to always be happy or smile for Barry. He doesn’t need to say the words I love you for Barry to know that he does.

Their love for each other is in every little action and change they have made. It might not even be visible to other people just what something means to them.

Like when Barry sits with Paul while he reads and listens to music through headphones. It might seem normal, but Barry isn’t blaring music out loud, Paul isn’t moving. It’s a level of consideration and trust that they don’t necessarily extend to others.

Their care is expressed through words. When Paul tells Barry that he’ll see him later, that he expects him to come back or come around. When Barry just squeezes Paul’s hand and says that he’ll fine him a billion dollars if anything happens to him while he’s gone. They can go years without saying that they love each other and they don’t mean or know it any less.

And it wasn’t easy, mistakes were made. You hold too tight and you risk suffocating someone, when you pull away you risk losing them. Their journey from strangers to partners that trust each other with no doubt was a long road. They didn’t trust each other at all in the beginning. Casual touch was rejected, loud talking was ignored.

But they made it work because they wanted it to.