how tf did i hit queue limit i've been sooooo gone

hope swells luo binghe's heart as shen qingqiu's hand finds the top of his head. it bubbles away in abject confusion as the hand lifts.

"seriously, you haven't even had your last growth spurt yet. look at your hair, it still has curls — you're still a baby. why would you come back so soon? certainly the cultivation sects are dens of iniquity that deserve to be burned for their crimes, but surely binghe knows he must be undefeatable if he wants to survive enacting such a sweeping change? i've been anticipating this moment since i first met luo binghe, but i'm not so impatient to be tortured to death that you had to be this much of an overachiever! honestly, binghe, go home to your palace and finish your training, what's lighting such a fire under your pants?"

so like i think he's a bit in a trance or something?

i also want to encorporate something about it being "in the book" which the audience takes to mean that sqq had a detailed written plan to raise lbh to bring down all the sects with him. someone (yqy due to experience?) points out that suicidal people are the most cheerful when they have a plan for the act, and hasn't sqq been the most cheerful these last few years, until the obvious?

#oooooough i love that shit where everyone thinks they've figured out SQQ's deal #where they get some/half of it right even if they don't have the specifics

yes, Yes, YES!!! look i love bingqiu with an undying passion, but with the right misunderstandings, with representatives for so many sects here and the issue basically resolved? we could easily have like. another 8 novels of everyone being the smartest person in the room and having COMPLETELY different ideas of what's going on and how to stop it. i love it so much. romance pls burn slower i am sowing political unrest that will last decades.

[good snip comes up again later] #"act on most deeply suppressed thoughts" so like lowered inhibitions combined with compulsion? #possibly with some kind of disorientation and sedative as well #something like that would be some kind of "interrogate enemies on their greatest weaknesses" kind of potion #or perhaps some kind of bullshit animal venom to keep prey docile but still fresh?

vague on purpose, i changed the desc. like 3 times already to describe what i was writing and still didn't fit in "sqq physically trying to straighten and then re-curl lbh's hair" and "it was in the book" so like clearly i vibe with what you're vibing here. i definitely want it to be an almost trance like state, but with full bodily autonomy. like if the description could be valid for interrogation purpose but actually have the result of just his id taking over that would be ideal

Also? in my mind he got it early somehow. lbh impatience and/or going against the plan bc the answers he wants and the farce trial are two separate lines of interrogation? gyz trying to be helpful, heard this potion was for sqq, tells him it's medicinal, he takes it bc without a cure flare up because it "can't hurt"? maybe he takes the whole bottle instead of a dose, rpg health potion style. or fuck, maybe the sowers have it either as a thing to get their infection to spread more naturally or as something zzl gave them to try and lure sqq away. natural adverse reaction between without a cure and the sower infection?

in any case: sqq starts talking before hhp can get any accusations out and this line of thinking seems wayyyy more incriminating so opm gonna let it play out.

"i threw myself at shizun every day when we lived together and this disciple is still a virgin, also if i even suspected any of my shixiongjie of making it where i couldn't, i simply would have killed them in a fit of jealousy"

I'm trying to decide which would be funnier. SQQ latching on to LBH saying he's a virgin and going on a tangent abt all the weird kinky sex he should have had by now. (LBH is living the dream of shizun imagining binghe in sexual situations. Cannot understand how shizun thinks he would be satisfied with anyone but shizun.) (everyone else is just scandalized and learning new things about themselves. jin lan city is abt to have an erotica renaissance). Reinforces "SQQ is a pervert" allegations.

OR option 2: SQQ's brain hears "my precious white lotus disciple propositioned me" and goes on a whole "no no that can't be right. i would have noticed that. that would never happen of course." only for binghe to detail every attempt at seducing his shizun since he was 15.

going from subtle (for a teenager) to outright obscene but SQQ refutes each one with SOME kind of explanation that it seems like he whole-heartedly believes. Gossip will now range from "SQQ is as pure in thought as a young child" to "SQQ is perhaps cursed to be incapable of thinking about sex". Also that such a pure man raised such a deviant disciple. Increases SQQ's reputation, but also makes him appear naive and gullible. LBH reputation goes waaaaaaaaaaaay down.

let it be revealed that he set lbh up as a ticking time bomb with the full intention of changing his face and his name and living a quiet life in the borderlands, that'll cause some angst all around.

SQQ: It's okay I won't die for real! I mean I will die for real, and it will hurt much more this time I presume-

(Several people are now Very Concerned.)

SQQ: but I have back up plan you see! I shall simply move my soul to a new body and pretend I was never Shen Qingqiu who had a terrible life and death. This is what contingency plans are for-

And then he starts lecturing on how "Planning in the past prevents panicking in the present" and how he could have really used that at the last Immortal alliance conference. He knew everything was going to go tits up of course, but he just couldn't bring himself to think about it long enough to plan for it. And of course then he panicked when it mattered most-

and now we can add "SQQ knew about immortal alliance conference and did fuck all" to his list of crimes. And also give LBH new conclusions to make. "Shizun didn't hate him! shizun panicked! :D Shizun's panic response was like. attempted murder! We can work on that though!"

qiu haitang in the background like "oh wow none of you saw this coming, huh? fascinatinggggg"

QHT: wow this whole thing smacks of "carefully planned long term suicide with intent to catch as many bystanders as possible and actually just an elaborate and extreme version of faking one's death to avoid justice for despicable crimes". which this guy has already done to me.

i do love taking the route that just Adds New Crimes tho. "wow, that's way worse than anything i was setting you up for accusing you of, tell us more!" and he does bc infodumping about PIDW is his happy place.

"Of course, none of that happened because of SQH's interventions, so instead Mobei-jun showed up and hurt a lot less disciples than a stampede of Black Moon Python Rhinoceroses would have" maybe accidentally elevates sqh's rep to sainthood? he would hate that more than anything else, i love it 🤣🤣🤣

shizun's panic response was like. attempted murder! We can work on that though!

this line is A+ tier frfr 🤣🤣🤣 perfect binghe in solutions mode, love it, no notes

and yeah while things are coming out i think his blind spots should become increasingly obvious to the point that they have to think he's either under some intense curse or he's been hiding memory loss. and you know, he's currently in a mood to tell you which lmaooo

#since i have been peer reviewed i shall put my words in the post proper and u dont have to extract me from tags

this AFTER leaving the best bit in that tags, we are truly 2 of a kind haha

meanwhile YQY is abt to commit a political incident So Big that it's going to affect the local trout population. like HELL he is going to let OPM get away with slandering his xiao jiu who has been drugged and publicly interrogated when he's unable to defend himself. i dont know what hes going to do but im tired of him being nice. i want him to go apeshit. the tension and drama of CQMS vs HH and whoever else. HH's whole platoon and their angry mob VS YQY

(MQF is like a fly compared to YQY. LBH and LQG are stressed tf out. trying to figure out where a snake that big could have possibly disappeared to) YQY just barely manages to bully huan huan into shutting up but now like. SQQ's rep is in shreds. very "he's either dead now or he's working with demons so you better hope u never see him alive or ur whole sects rep is ruined"

eventually LQG and LBH returning to the CQMS party where they rally up more resources to go hunt down SQQ. cue YQY/LBH 'who loves SQQ more' pissing contest

anyway ALL this buildup to switch over to ZZL spitting out SQQ who is immediately trying to guess what species of snake ZZL should be based off of and oh you guys are heavenly demons? that's soooooo crazy he thought his binghe was the last one. any relation? have you met his binghe?

LBH should break into TLJ's base just to see SQQ with xinxania white boards or w/e lecturing ZZL (taking notes, receiving headpats) and TLJ who has turned to make direct eye contact with the smuggest Most Punchable Aura. (After he got info abt the state of the cultivation sects he's been tricking SQQ into telling the most embarrassing stories about LBH) everyone else follows in and LBH has gone full demon to kick his dad's ass while SQQ is giving a play by play to ZZL as if ZZL doesn't have eyes and isn't watching as well

sqq full fanboy mode watching the fight, everything is punctuated with a "whachow!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

i do love the contrasting image of sqq having tea and cookies with his new friends (who want to know about his binghe!) while cqms Goes To War hahaha. the contrast between lqg thinking about the immediate (sqq has been kidnapped, we need to get him unkidnapped, preferably with my sword) and yqy thinking long term (trying to salvage xiao jiu's/the sect's strategist's/by extension the whole sect's reputation) hits beautifully.

(lbh of course can worry about both simultaneously and get caught in a bit of decision paralysis as a treat)(until he realizes that if shizun can't go back to the sect, he'll have to stay in the demon realm, with him (he thinks) and away from all these men who want to steal sqq from lbh)

i've had an image in my head for a long time of sqh pulling a massive double cross on hhp to basically tank their reputation, maybe he can use all of his double agent experience? opm like "peak lord shang, you saw through shen qingqiu's machinations and tried to save many innocent lives back at the last immortal alliance conference, surely you will stand on the side of protecting innocents against those who collude with demons again" and sqh like "oh yeah i definitely hate demons and don't want to sleep with any" and he is able to feed info back to cqms/sabotage hhp's "totally reasonable" plans. just. let him do what he does canonically, on screen this time haha

we need this fr fr

here's some fucked up porn to get us started

and here's the most committed shmoop i can find

but this ain't comprehensive at all. i have. over 2k bookmarks on ao3? mostly priv? almost 600 of them are svsss and less than 200 of those are sorted into collections yet. and that's a mere fraction of the unhinged potential of this fandom. we CAN get even less hinged, i believe in us.

some shout outs from the top of my head:

male tears for all your male tears needs. my internet went out so i have NO CHOICE but to upload this shoddily cropped clip

luo binghe: shizun, are you okay? where are we? how did we get here? etc etc

shen qingqiu, with a visible bump on his head from landing on it: uhhh.... we seem to be in One Piece? did we fall into one the plotholes airplane left all over this godforsaken place?

shen jiu: oh, yeah, i forgot i used to think every rogue cultivator we crossed was super cool. i guess not having a shifu who is evil incarnate helps.