never quite free

beck | 28 | she/her

(interactions come from @iidalus)

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avid foolish enjoyer and mcrp fan 🫶 i post about dsmp, qsmp, the realm smp, hermitcraft, and the life series ^_^! rbs of sketches & wips are OK 👍

been having such an odd week emotionally bc we buried my grandmother’s ashes n had her funeral on saturday & my family had me read the obituary w/o warning n it fcked me up so bad😭 she had died in november but we weren’t able to get everyone together until now so i thought i’d handle it better but its just a fresh wound. it was a beautiful funeral & weekend telling stories abt her and catching up but i cried like a baby n it was very tiring…

n THEN this is so stupid but in qsmp 2 juan qubito died and foolish n tinas rp was SO good and ive never seen foolish cry but it just hit me way harder than it needed to. like watching them grieve their friend in rp n foolish having to tell people one by one which is what i kinda had to do when my grandma passed.

idk like experiencing fresh grief this weekend n then the minecraft rp i watch is all about grief and mourning someone is like Ommmg. so my brain is just like wires being crossed so im way sadder abt qjuan than i probably wouldve been LOL😭😭😭 i havent slept well at all this week + got my period so everything hurts way more than it should too WAHH.

anyway all this to say what bad timing but what good timing bc its nice to see like hey people loved this person and want to remember and talk about them n you don’t gotta keep it to yourself or put on a brave face abt it yknow.