blu

“shit.” kit muttered, the feeling all too relevant, and relatable as he looked to caden, a bit of a sigh releasing from his own chest. “i understand, if you can believe it or not. i feel like…one wrong move, and i burn this entire place down with my powers. i’m always on edge…always one outburst from hurting somebody.” he stifled a bit of a chuckle. “no, what’s good for your back would be having the freedom to go to a masseuse.” 

caden agreed with a small hum. “fire is volatile. so anger triggers it?” he asked before shaking his head and retracting his words. “never mind, you don’t need to answer that. it’s not my place.” he let out a small sigh and rolled, his shoulders brushing the underside of the bed. “hey, do you want to know a weird thought? do you think the surrounding towns know about...here?”

      “I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure I said ‘fun’, not daily chores. And while the stores are all well and good, there’s only so many times you can go in before you know everything in it.“ She could go on, but that’d make her no different than the few she heard doing the same. Her skin itched to move, and ideas swelled her thoughts but with what warnings she heard, she didn’t know what boundaries she could push. 

“You look like you’re going topple over. Preparing for the apocalypse?”

he let himself laugh for a moment, the knowledge that not everyone enjoyed cleaning something that he wasn’t unfamiliar with. “fair enough, but i hadn’t really finished going through the antique store. there was enough stuff in there to last me a while.” he really wished that he’d grabbed that diary before it’d been boarded up. he’d only been three quarters of the way through.

caden glanced at the pile of food in his hands, a precarious balance now that everything was in place. “preparing to hole myself up for a little while longer,” he answered. although, now that he really thought about it, the idea of staying inside seemed less and less appealing. there was something unsettling him, an energy that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. it took him longer than it should have to realize that the energy was coming not from im, but her. “are you antsy or something?”

      At the mention of fear, his eyes darted to the other doors, suspicious if anyone was coming or going, had theirs cracked to listen. It was enough to convince him to step inside and make the conversation more private, making his way into the apartment with ample space between the two of them but standing awkwardly as if he hadn’t been invited. Twice his mouth opened to say something, twice it shut too fast to let any sound escape that might betray him from speaking too freely.

      “How often do you catch it?” How much do you know? Of course, he couldn’t blame Caden for picking up on senses he couldn’t help, but Asher was still trying to hide, still trying to convince himself. Of what? he didn’t know anymore. It was bad enough other people knew of the small nuances, and it didn’t help that others were catching on in their own ways, resident or official alike. The details he wanted to keep private were spilling beyond his grasp and he was clinging to what control he had left on the matter, struggling and most of the time fighting himself.

      “So… if there was… your idea of helping was to talk.” It sounded almost disappointed, partially unmoved because it was what he expected when someone offered such things. Help. Get help. He had his fair share of help… a long list of therapists and medications and three months of his life wasted in incorrect practices. What would talking do now?

“every now and then,” he replies, before pausing and reconsidering. “usually when i’m nearby.” caden didn’t want to push too much. he was well aware that any prying on his part would have to be done without scaring asher away.

but he tilted his head nonetheless, moving to the couch and pulling his legs up, curled to make himself seem as nonthreatening as possible. there was a sudden drop in his chest, and caden grimaced when he realized that asher had misunderstood his offer. “no, i don’t really need talking to know what exactly it is you’re feeling,” the empath answered. “my idea of helping is that i can make the fear go away, or at least... replace it with something else.” 

     “I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space.” She huffed as she continued to flip the coin in her hand, one of the small things she grabbed before she carried off. She didn’t count, only spun it making sure it landed with the same side up each time: an image of a compass as opposed its reverse of a ship. This is was what she was resorting to for entertainment? Sitting against the wall outside her apartment because staying inside was somehow worse? Another huff and a shake of her head.

“Shakespeare is such bollocks,” she muttered, letting her head hit the wall behind her. “What do you people do for fun?”

caden turned, momentarily distracted from trying to balance a cracker on top of all of the other food he was carrying. “i don’t think hamlet is someone anyone should be taking words of wisdom from.” after the words spilled out, however, bit his lip and drew back, well aware that she hadn’t really asked his opinion. instead, he turned his attention back to his plate. “i think most of us spend our time cleaning the mess in our rooms right now. i can’t wait till the stores open again.”

colson waited, wondering if he could get the other to talk or not. he understood if he didn’t, colson didn’t know where to start himself if someone had asked the same question. would it be the strange turn of events of the storm? the way his room looked now with the windows broken. all of it ran through his mind in a carousel fashion that never seemed to stop. “talking tends to help. at least so i’ve been told.” colson nodded, although he wasn’t quite sure caden could see more than his feet. “no kidding. all of us in one room like that…even without the storm it was a recipe for disaster. you didn’t get hurt, did you?”

a negative hum came from the back of his throat. he was rather surprised by colson’s concern, but it was nice to know that someone else in the town besides him would bother to ask a near stranger. “i didn’t,” caden reiterated. “but i think i hurt a couple of others.” he tried to ignore the knot in his stomach. instead, he let out a choked laugh, pushing his hand up on the underside of the bed. “god i wish the antique store was still open.”

jasper didn’t look across the room until someone spoke up. his eyes lifted, only to find the person that caused his storm to get worse the night before. “don’t come any closer,” he froze up, his body tensing against the door frame. his entire body ached, his headache only getting worse as he froze. “need help with what? i just want quiet. that’s all i need.”

“the headache,” caden stated, moving back a little more just in case. “i don’t have one anymore. so maybe i can replace yours with my lack of one.” his control over his abilities seemed to be variable, but apparently his own personal emotional exhaustion seemed to give him a little more grasp of the otherwise unpredictable power. “i don’t know if it will work, actually, but as long as i’m far enough away, i know it won’t make it worse.”

the emptying carton hitting their head doesn’t even register on them because they are so wrapped in these… nostalgias? gratitudes? certainly it’s nothing on their end - god no. all of this is caden’s fault, though they adjust their binder from the shirt overlaying it just to make sure it’s not them. “eh,” zig says, letting the goldfish slide into their mouth from the carton as they try to best think how to phrase their thoughts. “had a few jobs, didn’t like them. too expensive to find my own place so i was stuck in my parents’ basement. it was chill though, smoked a lotta weed and shit.” looking back they couldn’t help but be somewhat nostalgic, at least compared to the current situation. if they could ever go back to the life they had, perhaps they wouldn’t be where they were at before this all started. still, they have no regrets lingering in their head seconds later. “san jose though? bunch of people up their asses. you think la or some shit is bad but between the techies and investors you can’t help but try and find something that makes you not them. guess i ended up getting that.”

caden couldn’t help but roll his eyes. he was well aware of the discrepancy between both of their worldviews, but he rather liked the reminder that there even was a world out there past the borders of the ghost town. “are you talking about your powers or your incredible lack of ‘normal’ social etiquette?” he joked before shifting and trying to dust off the crumbs scattered on his bed sheet. a thought occurred to him, and caden considered zig carefully. “if they ever finish studying us, would you go back to san jose?”

“okay, not sad…then…what are you feeling guilt over? because i am entirely too interested in what exactly you’ve been up to” kit found the other’s attitude to be a bit too down to not ask questions as he offered a short grin over back to the other. “can you really actually like lying on the ground and be comfortable? seriously. seems like the worst idea ever. you could at least start by cleaning up.”

he shrugged before realizing that kit probably couldn’t see the movement well. “making things worse than it already was,” caden stated. “i don’t like that i can’t control my powers, and because i lack that control, i-” he cut himself off, carefully dislodging the stone in his chest and taking a deep breath before he could spiral. he focused on the joke instead, turning his head to look at the floor around his bed. “i’ll have you know that the ground is incredibly comfy. it’s good for your back.”

     When he considered how strange it all was, Asher arrived at several conclusions. For starters, the darkness and seclusion of his apartment allowed him to be consumed in his thoughts, to be carried away by his obsessions to hide and conceal, learn but hold back. Also, this shame he had for the training day– to be clear, not becoming overwhelmed because of another’s ability (he had no control over that) but for showing his ability more than he wished– seemed a little absurd for the company he kept, for the whole point of this town. And lastly,something had to change. He couldn’t keep mulling over these thoughts like he had in the prior months. Last time it lost him his job and his relationship, and while it felt like he had nothing left to lose, he didn’t want to push it and find out what he was taking for granted.

     But no changes had struck him like a revelation, only thoughts that repeated in his head over and over again. Perhaps his want to change something led him Caden’s door, a subconscious acceptance of the help offered disguised in overthinking and over-analyzing that made him knock on the post. Yet, as the door opened there was only one clear concern on his mind.

     “What did you mean when you said ‘if you need anything’? You said you wanted to help… what exactly was your point of reference? Where are you getting this?” He probably looked as crazed as he sounded, no help from the god-awful hour in morning he was doing this, and his anxiousness was obvious if not because of the person he was speaking to but for the rapid leg shaking that made his whole form unsteady.

caden hadn’t expected asher to take him up on his offer. he’d hoped, but the read that he’d had on the shadowy resident seemed like someone who would rather take care of themselves than open up and show vulnerability. either caden wasn’t as good at reading people as he thought he was, or something had pushed asher to desperate measures.

he’d opened the door in confusion, taking more than a moment to process what the hell the other was saying, and after another second, he stepped aside, opening the door wider to let asher in. he held onto the knob, trying to steady himself before tensing and forcing himself to pay answer. “at the group training... and maybe a bit before,” caden simply replied, moving back so he wouldn’t be too affected by the waves of anxiety. he bit his lip, trying to put his words in the right order.

“just. every now and then it’s like your fear spikes, and it’s not like the general unease that most of the others have of this town.” caden paused. he didn’t quite have the control at the moment to put his own exhaustion of the day onto asher. but he could still try. “i just wondered if there was something... more. that was worrying you.”

∘◦ * / @csxblu​

for whatever reason zig has found themselves cozied up to caden. perhaps too much. maybe it’s the fact that he’s right next door and zig is the first stop for all of caden’s emotional radio signals at midnight, or perhaps it’s all the shit they’ve been through together. it’s definitely not all the separation anxiety they’ve been feeling. either way, they’ve made themselves comfortable on his bed snacking on whatever’s nearby, letting the crumbs fall as they do, as they gaze out the window. “so, it’s foggy in washington, right? do you have seagulls that swoop in and steal your sandwiches on the beach? and is it true people are, like, depressy because it’s cloudy n shit? cuz, like, with your powers, you probably like it here, huh?”

caden wasn’t entirely sure why he was still eating the goldfish crackers. he was fairly sure there was some conspiracy theory about the addictive quality of the snack that smiles back on some website, and right now the empath was inclined to believe it. they were starting to taste disgusting, and yet caden was on his third mini carton.

“seasonal depression isn’t just a seattle thing,” he retorted, somewhat defensively. but he managed to refrain from sounding like he was whining, so caden would call that a win. “besides, it’s not like i had much of a chance to figure out how it felt like before i was brought here.” but he couldn’t stop the grimace that followed.  zigmund’s company wasn’t unwelcome. any sensation from them that might be disruptive disappeared as soon as caden picked up on it. besides, caden wouldn’t lie to himself and say he’d hated the test fusion. he also wouldn’t lie and say he wouldn’t do it again. it was luck that he hadn’t had to endure the city for much longer. zig was right in their assumption that the empath was grateful for the small town.

he felt a pressure building in his chest and forced it down before it could be sent out, instead opting to throw an empty carton at zig’s head. “you’re making me nostalgic. stop it. what’s san jose like?”

      He paused at the threshold and looked over his shoulder as the other spoke. The least he could do was offer a smile, even if it went as fast as it came, even if it didn’t reach his eyes. There was a cruelty to his thoughts that thankfully didn’t reach his lips but the pregnant pause was evident something was being held back, just not a definite tell. How much did Caden thought he knew… how curious he was if the truth would scare the empath as much as it did the bearer… how difficult would it be to terrify him… would Caden offer again if he succeeded?

      “I appreciate it,” he replied. “Maybe some other time. I’m not very social right now.”

he could understand that. there was a reason that caden had been hiding out instead of heading downstairs for the food. “fair enough.” the empath took a step back. he wished he had enough sense to be wary and fearful of the sensations he’d picked up from asher during the training, but the other resident of nowhere wasn’t a problem now. he returned the grin, however insincere it was on asher’s face, his expression easily morphing into one of content. “i’ll see you around.”

“jesus…” kit murmured instantly, not sure how the other had gotten this bad. “you having a day already or what, because i don’t think it’s just you.” maybe it was harsh to compare his pain to other’s, but kit had a lack of a filter anyways. “hiding under the bed…what’s that supposed to accomplish?”

caden wasn’t sure if kit was trying to put up a rough front, or if his brash words were a result of a complete and utter lack of thought for his conversation partner. a combination of both, maybe, but also not really his problem right now. “i’m not sad,” he stressed. “guilty, maybe. definitely exhausted. but not sad.” he did wish he could find the emotional energy to be offended by the other resident, but he also saw the benefit of not feeling particularly strongly one way or another. “besides, this is just the only part of the floor that isn’t covered entirely in glass or trash, and i like lying on the ground.”

colson knocked lightly at the door, hearing the faint voice before stepping inside. he looked around in confusion before hearing the last bit, kneeling down to look under it. “this seems like an odd place to be right now, but i can see why it might be comforting.” after everything that had happened, isolation was welcomed but he couldn’t stay in his own room. not until he could get it cleaned up after the windows were broken. colson made himself comfortable against the wall, sighing. “want to talk about it?”

he hesitated, unsure if he was willing to confide in the other resident. but caden knew all too well the effects of bottling up everything inside. if he wanted to avoid a training repeat, then he really needed to figure out a healthier way of dealing with his emotions. pretending wouldn’t do any more. he supposed it was better than trying to find some sort of kind connection with one of the scientists prodding at them. “not really, but i probably should,” he answered. as he continued, he couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. “i know that none of us are particularly more dangerous than the other, at least... not now, but we all are rather terrifying.”

      He nodded shortly, soft enough that it could’ve been missed. His lips pursed lightly, as if words would bleed out if he opened them too quickly, and spilling them would have been as devastating as an actual wound– if not now then certainly later. A soft sigh washed them away in a whirl of breath.

      “I don’t remember much.” His monotone voice might have led on to disbelief but it wasn’t far from the truth; he remembered enough: mania, a dark hole, waking up fatigued and in pain in his apartment. “You shouldn’t blame yourself. I don’t.” Fingers with paint stain nails produced one of the apples from his hoodie pocket and left it on the floor before he rose to his feet to begin back out.

caden took a moment to process the concession before moving quickly, sliding himself out from under the bed and picking up the offered apple. “wait, asher, if-” he paused, trying to measure his words before he spoke, worried that he might overstep his boundaries. his thoughts were based on guesses, hints of sensations that he thought may haven been fear or wildness but he didn’t want to assume. still, caden forced his shoulders to relax and tried to inject as much sincerity into his words as he could. “if you need anything, please know you can talk to me,” the empath offered. “i just want to help.”

“i swear to god, be quiet!” jasper yelled, opening his door to the new living area that just so happened to be outside of his door. “i just want a little quiet, is that too much to ask for?!” his head had been killing him since the night before, not quite remembering how he made it back to his room. rubbing at the back of his neck, his body sagged against the door frame. “just please… please be quiet.”

despite the crowd, caden had needed to eat. ideally, he would have quietly gotten his share of food and left without too much fuss, but then the convivial atmosphere drew him into the fray of chattering and socializing. he’d forgotten that negative emotions weren’t the only thing that he could receive. but the shock of jasper’s outburst had quickly stamped out any of caden’s giddiness at being able to just be around people, and he moved over to the door, the airy high of the others fading as proximity decreased. “sorry, i think that was my fault too,” the empath started, taking a breath. he knelt down far enough away to keep the pounding headache that jasper was giving off out of his range. “do you need help with that?”

      The exhaustion was evident in the circles around his eyes, in the fact he was roaming shoe-less in plaid pajama pants and a hoodie stuffed with as many fruits and vegetables as it could carry. He had slipped down to the eating area in silence, pleaded quietly with Ms. Walters to take extras that would allow him to hide away for a few days until it was mandatory for him to come out, and now carried a plate and pocket stash large enough to do just that. 

      He was trailing the second floor, intending to roam up and down each until he reached his place to count as his weekly exercise, but when the voice called out, he paused a few steps passed it. He waited in stillness as he debated, and a soft sigh made him back track to the recognized voice. Despite the invitation, he still knocked twice on the door frame before entering, walked slowly to the bed and bent down to meet the other’s gaze with an unwavering, emotionless stare. 

      “Are you alright?” His tone matched his expression, almost robotic sounding even to Ash but the only change he made to his visage was a long, languid blink.

asher. caden fought the stab of guilt down and offered a... not so convincing smile. “i will be, i think.” he was glad that asher hadn’t tried to join him in his wallowing, although he did wonder where the other resident had been headed before he’d come in. “are you alright?” the empath asked. “i know there was a lot that happened, and that a lot of it was my fault.”

∘◦ * / @csxblu + @indiasandoval·

“… and so that’s the plan,” they say, inhaling deeply as they lean back against the wall with their arms crossed, expression never more neutral. it wouldn’t be a lie to say that, in theory, zig thinks this whole thing sounds like an absolute disaster, something bound to go wrong. and yet on the other hand india has a point - what better way to learn than doing, make something equally dumb and cool at the same time. they look to india to try and sell it further, not knowing how caden’s about to take receive it, but a bit of bullying never hurts. “besides, you’ve been cooped up in here like a rag doll making everyone feel like a wahwah bitch, so with all the control, all the company - sounds like the perfect antidote. what could possibly go wrong?”

why caden had even bothered to listen to that entire monstrosity of a plan he wasn’t sure. he was sure that his expression conveyed the thoughts of a skeptic, someone who most definitely wasn’t going to go along with this plan. an yet... caden couldn’t resist the draw of control. his last fusion with zig had been... nice, actually. quiet. mostly unnerving. he wasn’t sure if that was just because it was such a new feeling to be two people at once, or if it was because he was getting used to the constant input. still, he had to play the responsible head this round. “a lot of things could possibly go wrong,” he insisted, and the empath turned to india with a near pleading look in his eye. “tell me you think this is a horrible idea.” caden jerked his head at zig. “he probably hasn’t even done a three person fusion before there’s no way this will end well.”