When the Jury members first got the news that Zane would be getting married within the next few years, it didn’t take long for the jealousy to set in. They were happy for their leader, of course, but marriage meant becoming lord of O’kasis wasn't far behind. It meant less time for unplanned (and unauthorized) adventures, less time to sit around a fire or buffet and talk about anything their hearts desired. It meant Zane would slowly start focusing on his new wife and kingdom more than them.
The youngest Jury members were the ones to speak about it first. As soon as they were back at the guards sleeping hall, Abby bursted into tears. Teora was only slightly more put together but it was clear by the way she was pacing around Katelyn’s room that she was just as distressed, Kacey walking with her, sharing whispered concerns. It took Teony, Katelyn, and Jeffory to stop Janus from punching a hole in the wall and even then he still left a dent.
Ivy was the calmest, asking the kitchen workers to make tea under the disguise that it was for Zane. It unsettled Katelyn, Ivy being the calmest. Made her feel like the whole world had been turned upside down, but in all fairness it had felt like that since King Garte first shared the news. With a deep breath Katelyn walked over to Lillian and sank to the ground beside her, letting her rest her head on Katelyn’s shoulder. They stayed like that, Katelyn eventually letting herself close her eyes and listen to her girlfriends shaggy breathing.
When she opened her eyes again she saw Teora, Abby and Kacey were sitting on her bed, huddled together like they always were, whispering words that Katelyn couldn’t hear from her spot across the room. Janus and Jeffory were nowhere to be seen in the small room but Teony, who sat in the middle of the room playing cards with Ivy, answers her unasked question after noticing Katelyn's confusion, telling her that Jeffory took Janus on a walk to try and help calm him down.
That night it’s quiet in the guards sleeping hall. When Janus and Jeffory come back nearly half an hour later, Janus is still visibly upset, but he’s not seething with anger like he was before, so the walk must have helped a little. The three youngest are nearly passed out on Katelyn’s bed, the rest of them not far behind, the heavy blanket of fear and sadness making them all tired much earlier than usual.
With a knock on the door, that tiredness is gone in an instant. There’s only ever one person who comes knocking at this hour. Teony is at the door and throwing it open before Katelyn can even stand. Standing there with three bottles of wine cradled in his arms is Zane. They all stand still, watching as he took a step back, shocked at how fast the door opened and then everyone is moving. The trio on the bed jump up, barely able to contain their excited shouts, wrapping Zane in a hug as soon as they get to him. Janus catches one of the bottles that Zane drops (when had he gotten so close to him?) and gently pushes the four of them into the room. Ivy and Lillian have both moven from the floor, now standing in front of the mess that had become of Zane and the youngests.
Katelyn pries her attention away from the centre of the mess and looks over at Lillian. When she notices her picking the skin beside her nails, Katelyn grabs her hand, both to stop her and to ground herself. She thinks she hears Zane bickering with Jeffory, probably because of the alcohol, but she can’t focus her attention on their words.
Instead she watches as Zane ushers Teora, Abby and Kacey to sit on the bed. She watches as Zane hands Janus the bottle opener. She watches as Zane hold Teony’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the top of it, mirroring Katelyn and Lillian. She watches as Ivy and Zane share their drinks. She watches Zane because how could she not. The rest of the night is a blur.
She never allows herself to relive the rest of that night. There’s no way she could excuse it by saying she was just remembering it for the rest of the Jury because when the rest had passed out, Zane and her were the only ones awake. And she couldn’t stomach remembering the two of them alone together. Reliving memories with him at all is already too much for Katelyn.
Katelyn lays there under the stars, Laurance and Aphmau’s small noises mixing with the sound of the forest that make the cat ears on top of her head twitch. Katelyn lays there and feels guilty. She feels so, so guilty but no matter how hard she tries, she keeps going back to those memories. Can’t stop thinking about her friends, her family, that she left behind. No matter how hard she tries, she misses a man who should mean nothing to her.
She falls asleep that night, guilty, lonely, and miserable.
She falls asleep that night and dreams of him.
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