maybe i’m not the most academic lesbian and i’m not adding anything new to the conversation, but it made me pause. at first i thought it was just a younger sapphic thing, but seeing older mascs agree with it made me realize it’s something deeper.

i think we keep misunderstanding terms. either we strip labels of all meaning so anyone can fit into them or we fall back into stereotypes thinking we’re honoring our history.

butch and stud identities get reduced to aesthetics all the time, when they’re more than that. not every masc lesbian is butch or stud and that’s fine. and being masculine doesn’t mean you can’t be soft sometimes. the problem is this idea that deep down every woman or afab person is feminine, when that’s just not true. you can be a woman and be masculine without needing to soften it and you can present yourself in a masculine way without having to call yourself butch or stud.

in my opinion, this all ties into how we think about care. when a butch is gentle, attentive or chivalrous, that’s part of their butchness. wanting care, love or affection in whatever way they're comfortable with doesn’t make them “feminine” and it doesn’t take away from what makes them butch.

and if care is part of butch/femme dynamics, then it’s also worth remembering that directing that care towards others who aren’t our partners or interests shouldn’t feel threatening. if anything, it should be a green flag. we should want more of that between us. we really need to stop treating kindness like it only belongs inside attraction. this goes to those fems who preach being girl's girls and call themselves femmes just to act like the opposite of everything these things imply.

wanting affection, care or to be taken care isn't feminine or something that should be kept only for those you want and desire. they’re just things that should be granted in a community. and part of that care is understanding that being yourself doesn’t mean taking from others identities or labels. learning, listening and undertanding is also a form of care.