I'M STILL CRYING

We finally got closure.

You've been on my mind lately. It started when a memory popped up on Snapchat — a selfie of me wearing your favourite camo jacket. That one image brought back a wave of thoughts: where are you now? What are you doing? Are you happy?

I wanted to reach out, but I wasn’t sure how. I tried to picture your face, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. Then I came across your business and was so happy to see it thriving. I remember how much pressure it put on you back then, and seeing how far you’ve come reassured me — the fear that you might’ve given up was just that, a fear.

Still, I needed to see your face. I found myself scrolling through mutual connections, and that’s when I came across a girl’s profile. I don't know what made me click, but I did — and there in her bio were your initials. Seeing your face again hit me with a flood of emotions: relief, joy, nostalgia, sadness, and regret. It’s clear you’ve moved on and found someone who makes you truly happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile like that.

Then I saw you were having a baby. Please believe me when I say I’m genuinely happy for you. But at the same time, it broke something in me — she’s living the life we once dreamed of together. And that’s what led me here, writing to you.

For a while, I told myself not to — out of respect for your relationship and the new chapter of your life. But I also don’t want to carry this with me forever. My gran passed a few years ago, and someone close to her never got to say what they really felt. I don’t want to make that mistake.

So here it is: I’m sorry — for how things ended, and for how I acted towards the end. I won’t open old wounds, but I need you to know I loved you — fully, deeply, right until the end, and maybe even after.

Sometimes I still wonder — did you ever live the van life? Do you still blast drum and bass? Did you quit smoking? And did you ever get that Japanese sleeve?

As for me, I graduated a couple of years ago and now work in marketing. I moved to a different county too.

I know we can’t be friends. That wouldn’t be fair to the lives we’ve built. But I hope that, if we ever crossed paths, we could smile at each other — no bitterness, just peace.

I’m sorry for reaching out — truly — but I couldn’t let these words go unsaid.

I wish you nothing but happiness.