i've been to a world worth living in

Dead wife but it's a flashback to an amazing sandwich you had 3 years ago

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream

$5/$70

$15/$70

$20/$70

Dead wife montage but it's all slow motion shots of your dead wife throwing grenades and doing backflips and oneshotting the enemy with their long range weapons

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

no mi circo no mis feratus

once you learn about pseudoscience you're forever doomed to get angry when people talk about like. love languages or stockholm syndrome. but forced to stay quiet lest your lose your mind trying to correct millions of people

BMI IS FAKE. BMI MEANS JACK SHIT. I AM GRABBING Y'ALL BY THE SHOULDERS THIS METRIC IS COMPLETELY USELESS AND IT WAS MADE BY AN EUGENICIST

[ID: a painting of a small white puppy (possibly a great pyrenees) cuddled up to and being nuzzled by sheep. the puppy has a glowing star on top of their head. end ID]

[Image ID: A simple comic featuring two people and a dog. The dog is labelled, “my fat fucking ham of a dog walking onto the table to steal moms snack”. Indeed, the dog is on the table, and has their mouth open over a snack. One person is scowling while looking away from the dog; they are labelled, “my mom, not looking”. The other person is smiling absentmindedly while watching the dog eat; they are labelled, “me, watching but not processing that i should do something (because) the snack isn’t fatal to dogs & therefore doesn’t activate the sleeper agent part of my brain that turns me into a professional wrestler”. /End ID]

why does every single one of your faves has to have a monster cock. some of them are packing peanuts and that's okay, just goes to show you a lot of you equate big penises with a better sexual performance. alas, we move on

wait now i’m curious what’s everyone’s go-to pair of shoes

watching jerma's old stardew valley vids from ten years ago for the first time. this poor guy had like 5 cabbages planted and like 8 string beans on his entire farm. and a meteor hit his farm and obliterated half of his string beans. he attempted to break the meteor with a cherry bomb which only served to destroy 3 of the 4 remaining string beans. he destroyed the remaining string bean in a fit of rage

must feel so good to be soil absorbing rain

the Cc in emails stands for Cuck chair

if my surname was moog or theremin i'd invent a fuckass instrument too