not super mentally well

no idea if you still check my blog, but news has come that a friend has found it so come forward, i know that you found it so literally no reason to not do it, thanks, hugely appreciated :]

my inability to open up is ruining the relationship with my mom

oh my fucking god i hate my mom

i knew what was best for me since the beginning but nobody fucking listened so here we are

when i complained to my mom that my friends were walking too fast she said "just tell them your legs hurt" but when i tell her that my legs hurt and she needs to be slower she doesnt do shit, so what the fuck

i hate that its my fault when i make things weird but shes the one that gets fucking angry, what? am i just not supposed to fucking respond? let her get angry at me for no fucking reason

depression is too comforting

i love my boyfriend but fuck do i want a non long distance relationship, like i just wanna cuddle at least once a month and i wanna explore the city, and i wanna have cute dates and hang out every week

i think one of the worst pains is realizing how much you hurt everyone else while being depressed because you really dont mean to, you are just hurting so badly inside that you are barely alive and its just awful

why do people still believe in me

i wish i could stop masking

i genuinely dont know if just everybody has an ed or if i just keep befriending the ones thqt do

i want to self isolate so much but pushing people away hurts so fucking bad, i dont understand my brain