me esse: tristem somnium

MIKOTO FARASHA ( FARAH ) ICHINOMIYA - FORSBERG. has arrived to Garreg Mach Monastery!

                                                       ***

for those who don’t know who Mikoto is, here are bits and pieces of her character copied and pasted from her wiki:

“ Mikoto is the biological mother of Corrin, stepmother of Ryoma, Hinoka, Takumi, and Sakura, and adoptive mother of Azura, all of whom she loves dearly. She is also the biological grandmother of Kana. [ ... ] Mikoto was born in Valla and is the sister of Arete. One day, she found an amnesiac hooded man and nursed him back to health. The two fell in love and eventually bore a child, Corrin. However, with the threat of the great dragon Anankos and his hostile takeover of Valla, the hooded man revealed to Mikoto that he is the disembodied soul of Anankos and regretfully decides to send her and Corrin away from Valla in order to protect her from his dragon half's wrath, along with Arete and her daughter, Azura. Mikoto was successful and managed to eventually make her way to Hoshido where she met King Sumeragi and Queen Ikona. Seeing her plight, Sumeragi and Ikona welcomed her and because of Ikona's sympathy for Mikoto she allowed Sumeragi to marry Mikoto. She became the step-mother of the Hoshido royal siblings, however, aside from Ryoma, she made them believe that Corrin is the child of Sumeragi. [ ... ] Befitting of a queen, Mikoto is calm, kind, and graceful and well loved by the people of Hoshido for it. Mikoto has a generous soul, from nursing a man suffering amnesia back to health to raising her late husband's four children and her own niece later on.

Despite her serene demeanor, she had her fair share of silly moments. Orochi mentions some of her odder moments in her supports with Ryoma and Corrin, like dressing too lightly when it snowed, forgetting she had two chopsticks in hand and ended up eating with four, or swimming with her slippers on. While she did keep herself as composed as she could in court, Orochi described her as 'like a wise sage and an accidental jester.'   ”

TOA ! Mikoto will be written as post-Revelations, first having been summoned to Askr by the voice of young Azura and later following the voices of Anankos and Corrin to Fódlan. she’s been in Askr for maybe two or three years, which puts her around the age of 42-43, though she stopped aging at 40. after her death at the hands of Sumeragi, her dreams became visions and her body became immortal. only trusted few know of this ability; the prince and princess of Askr, commander Anna, and her past retainers. before her death, she was able to see small premonitions but only as glimpses into the possible future.

going by the Drama CD, Mikoto knew of her death beforehand. she told no one of this revelation and kept it to herself until summoned to Askr. another factor of her interpretation is that she’s distanced from others as a result of the constant wonky leaps in her mind / dreams. she spaces out a lot and hears the voices of premonitions when she’s in or close to a state of unconsciousness. ( also, on the topic of headcanons, I have sprayed Mikoto with light melanin. don’t be surprised, this is Elix writing her. )

ofdusk​:

The sound of a spooked horse nearly turns her into its mirror, crimson eyes wide as they search trees for its source. She hadn’t been anticipating company, only sent out here in search of something dropped by a student along their trek.

A woman’s voice and the horse’s distraught cries stop. It seems obvious what she must do from there – it’s only right to make sure both mount and rider are alright, to offer aid should either be lost – but as soon as she has done so much as step forward, the trees go silent.

Odd. 

Carefully, Corrin pads forward still. It’s hardly long before she recognizes the coat of an animal contrasting against the snow around her. A mare, she notes, fully tacked but decidedly riderless.

Brows furrow and hands raise, palms outward, as a sign of peace. “Hello there,” a soft coo as she approaches, watching the horse’s ears flick in consideration. “Are you lost? I could have sworn I heard someone around here…”

Her new friend doesn’t seem to sense a threat in her, unmoving as Corrin makes her approach. Gently, she rests a hand to the creature’s nose. It huffs an exhale, clouding the air with warm condensation, and Corrin’s lips twitch into a smile.

“An academy horse?” Doesn’t take much to discern as her thumb brushes the knight’s symbol embossed upon the leather bridal. Eyes flit upwards, dancing over the trees that surround them. “What happened to your rider?”

Only then does she catch it – the flicker of light off of silver like a blade. “Hello? Is somebody there?” A cautious step away from the horse, gaze caught on the tree from which the flash had come. “I’m Corrin, a knight of the monastery. I promise I mean no harm.”

footsteps pad cautiously forward, into the powdered expanse between trees.  the steel of mikoto’s sword glints and she watches as snowflakes fade when they fall upon the silver.  it has not been a while since she last turned her blade against another being.  in the three kingdoms that kept her, she lived as a warrior only second to being a royal.  so, her expression bears no emotion at the sound of the imposter’s voice.

(   even if it is almost a perfect mimic of your daughter’s.  even if your sword hand twitches at the thought of threatening someone of your daughter’s appearance.

you had once pondered with arete on the appearance your child would take in the future.  this shares a similar appearance.  this burns at your throat and eyes.   )

the prayer on mikoto’s tongue is almost silent, spoken only in the delicate language of valla—   the sword’s steel manifests a single glow of responding magic.  faint scripture engraves into the ordinary silver.  then mikoto is to her feet at once.  steel drawn as she rounds the trunk of the tree, prepared ill to face the mock mimic.

(   she is almost the very image you dreamed of on your final night in askr.   )

“   draw your sword, stranger,   ”   mikoto says, little venom in the command.  the darling mare does not startle or move, but she is cautious at her rider’s behavior.  she smiles, bittersweet,   “   this is not a battle i wish to fight, but to honor my daughter’s name, i must.  before our blades meet, the least i can do is ask for your reason behind making a foolery of corrin’s image.   ”

it is not the mimic that startles mikoto’s calmness.  it is amber.  she gives a quick, almost frustrated neigh, and mikoto realizes only moments after that the sound had been directed at her.  the hoshidan queen turns her gaze to quiet the mare but it does nothing.  amber’s defiance is strange, for she had only been obedient and loyal during the journey to faerghus.  the mare neighs once again and attempts to move into the wide space between mother and the daughter’s faux image.

mikoto's heart stutters helplessly in her chest.  she is too kind to place the blame entirely on odin, but she can't help to entertain the thought. after all, the promise of him becoming her savior if the festival proved to be a disaster to her is sweet... and concerning. was her partner a force of chaos? too much? or were they simply not enough? but the reminder of odin's speech pastes itself in her head, behind her eyes. he is a man of too many words and little time to speak; there is a chance of his misguided opinion!

a flute of champagne taken graciously from a passing server's platter, mikoto busies herself with focusing on the festivities around her rather than wallowing in her own anxiety. the stage, right now, seems to be quite empty. earlier, she remembers seeing a performance occur to greet the participants of the festival. there is a faint idea that comes to her— it has been some time since she's danced before an audience. ( you do not think about the reason why. it always relates to a loss you were forced to bear. )

she sips her champagne and raises her left hand to check the stability of the accessories clipped or braided in her dark tresses. when her hand rises, the three bracelets on her wrist clink against each other. each connected to the next by a thin, beaded golden chain. shiny, as odin had instructed. this would be the reason behind the day's triumph.

or, in odin's words, it would help her 'attain the sweet nectar of heaven' and whatever else his imagination had created for her.

" calm yourself, mikoto, " the hoshidan queen murmurs to herself, the rim of the glass flute inches from her lips. she takes a moment to hype herself up, holding her hand to her chest until she has calmed down. ( you almost tried to slow your heartbeat until realization struck that your heart would always be still. ) " alright; smile, do your best, and live. onwards! "

it is what arete would tell her, anyway.

it was a knight that entrusted her with word from faerghus.  and at first, mikoto thought nothing of it than a joke.  a humiliating feat that only simmered into realization at the grim expression of her colleague.  now that she remembers the moment, trudging through the thinning snow up to her ankles, the idea of it all is horrid.  though she is optimistic, a bitter emotion swells in the spaces of her mind and chest.  not even the healing light of her staff can numb the feeling of desperation.  how else is a mother to act when word passes of her daughter dragging her reputation through the ground?  and not by disgracing herself with bad mannerisms, but theft and foolery!

her substitute mount, amber, follows after the guidance of her grip on the reins.  the few faculty and students deployed on the missions were far beyond their position.  it’d be out of her jurisdiction to venture into the foreign land without an official mission pledged to her name, but still... she is here. only in the outskirts of the kingdom will she attempt to find a hint of the fool behind her daughter’s fakery.

“   —and she’s a kind lady, i tell you!  have i told you of the time she tripped in a river and was concerned of hurting the fish there instead of the scrape on her knee?   ”   mikoto sighs, a pleasant smile warm on her lips as she recalls the fleeting memory.  amber makes a noise behind her.   “   to think of her stealing from the poor is baffling!  corrin would never dare to. she’d never have the heart to.   ”

snow and dirt crunches beneath hooves and soles.  mikoto opens her mouth to bring forth yet another memory when the reins grow taut in her hand.  a branch snaps and the silence that follows is deafening, immediately torn by amber’s neigh.  dirt is kicked up by the horse’s hooves, reins yanked against impatient tugging.

“   calm yourself, amber!   ”   mikoto exclaims, tightening her grip and raising her hand to beckon her mount’s attention.   “   there is no threat, darling.  be still!   ”   thankfully, the fright had been small.  the panic settles, slowly, but when it does, the sound of footsteps becomes prominent.  hoshidan queen keeps herself from startling, aware of the focus her mount has on her.  slowly, she raises the reins before amber, and kneels to rest them on the ground.  mikoto backs away, once as an experiment, whispering a command of steadiness, before moving around the nearest tree.  a borrowed sword is pulled from the sheathe at her hip.  when she peers back from her hiding place, silver tresses are the first things she spies.

corrin, she realizes grimly.  still, she does not move.  instead, mikoto listens for the voice of the imposter, insistent to hear the bluff of identity on their tongue before moving to intervene.

She’s real, and she’s here. And before he can stop himself, he is crying. The dream has broken him down, and he finally cracks in front of her, never able to keep down his feelings in the face of those that he loved most. Her touch is as warm as he remembers, terribly so. Terribly so, because he knows that he will not be able to remain as he was before she was here.

“I was afraid that you were the ghost… that you were simply a fragment of my imagination…  but you’re real… and that is almost more painful, because I could lose you again…” He trembles before her, unable to stop himself from feeling vulnerable. Does he have any reason to be scared…? To doubt himself any longer? But… what if he was no longer the man she had fallen in love with? He was certain that he wasn’t, in so many ways. He no longer felt… as human as he had then.

He sits at her beckoning, kneeling beside her like he once had many times in the past. But things are not the same as they had been then, everything, and he truly thinks it is everything, seems to be different.

“I’m sorry… Mikoto… I…” He falls quiet as a sob slips from his lips, and he allows his hood to fall from his face, revealing the horrid face that had always lingered underneath.

“I didn’t realise that I… I could have called for you… and I… I fear Corrin will never accept me. Not just as a father, but as a living being within this world… I’m so sorry Mikoto… I surely ruined everything by sending both of you away… I wish… so dearly everyday that I had just gone with you, despite the danger…” He doesn’t dare to seek comfort from her, hands resting awkwardly in his lap as he quietly takes in her figure. She is older, but that is to be expected. Humans… aged, they grew old and died, and left him all alone in the end. She may be older, but she is still beautiful as the day he had met her.

“I… I hope your journey here was peaceful… you do not deserve any more suffering… I’m sorry, for all the pain that I surely caused you. I… I still love you… but I understand if you do not feel the same way any longer… it… it must have hurt you… the dragon… and I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

when anankos cries, the world threatens to collapse around them. it’s an image that frightens mikoto; her body trembles despite herself, no matter how brave the queen’s countenance may appear.  the wetness of her palms, the tears clinging onto anankos’ lashes, the flush of his cheeks.  it dips her into a horror she does not understand.   (   he is human.  you are a frightened little thing, he is a human.  a monster, yes, but is that not the man you bore a child with?  is he not the man you danced with beneath the falling sky?   )

“   i am no ghost,   ”   she says, her voice a cautious whisper,   “   you will never be rid of them, love, but for now, know that i am not one.   ”   and with that, mikoto allows herself to kneel at his side.  her hands remain wet with his tears—   if she keeps the feeling, then she will remember that this is no dream.  her beloved is in front of her, cracked and weeping.  she tastes the sound again—   love—   and can imagine the foreign weight of the word.

his unmasked face was one she only remembered in death, but she does not flinch when his hood falls.  in truth, mikoto reaches forward and presses it further down.  if she must face her lost dream, then she will do so with a bold presence.  she will do so without fear.  ...it is a promise she almost breaks at the response of her daughter.

mikoto’s stare wavers,   “   i... anankos,   ”   what should she say?  that she wished he fled with them, too?  she had prayed for it.  she had, but not any longer.  not when the beginnings of his dragon half’s fury was revealed before all of valla.  instead, hoshidan light looks away, eyes tightly closed as she says,   “   we both know that would have done nothing.  your other half would follow you to the ends of the world.  running would have only delayed the inevitable.   ”   it is a sad truth, but it is the truth nonetheless.

mikoto was to die.  anankos was to die.  and corrin was to be left in a world split by their demise.   (   but that does not mean you have to like it.   )

silence overtakes the two for a minute, filled only by anankos’ quiet sobs and mikoto’s erratic breathing.  tears hang from the corners of her eyes, but she refuses their fall.  anankos begins to ramble now, hands stiff in his lap and shoulders shaking.  mikoto listens, silently, unable to voice the conflict in her chest.  she knows that he is sorry, she knows it and hears his sincerity—   but should she forgive or forget?  neither fills her heart the way she’d like it to.  what is she to say?  what is she to do?  what is she to—

“   i do not forgive you.   ”   the answer stumbles from her lips and breaks her, but she does not stop.  she continues, sobbing,   “   i... i cannot forgive you, n-nor can i forget what you have done.  my sister is dead.  my retainers, m-my friends, my... my home is... ”   her words stick in her throat.  mikoto lowers her head, inhaling sharp breaths for a heart that will never beat again.  the confession slips,   “   i am dead.  you killed me, anankos.  you killed me and had not even the heart to do it with your own hands!   ”

"Mikoto..." His voice is weak, still tired from the ramifications of the dream that had just been escaped. If she is not real, the shattering of his heart after everything might finally crack irreparably.

"Mikoto, my love... is that really you...? I... I'm sorry... I never should have... left you and Corrin all alone... I missed you..."

the garden echoes his voice as would a catacomb.  mikoto does not hear him at first, her gaze narrow focused on the careful glide of her hands from bag to jar, and jar to basket.  seeds are cupped into her hand before being slid into the confinements of a small container.  hesitant, does her name reach her—   the jar cracks against the gravel stone beneath her.  asteria ties the thrumming of her heart into a knot, one she is forced to let sit in the back of her throat.  there is no denying her body’s tension; anankos is here.  he’s here but he can’t be.  he can’t be.  not now, at least.  the fates are not as cruel to grant him passage to her during the beginnings of her stay.  how awful must the gods of this land be to defy her wishes.

he calls her once more and, like a history that ignores and repeats itself, mikoto dares herself to flee.  mikoto’s hand reaches for asteria as she moves forward, determined to escape whatever trickery of the mind she’s found herself in,

but she stops.

the voice—   anankos’ voice, her lover’s voice—   speaks from behind her.   (   you call him a lover because he is.  because he was.  but there is an ache that you do not want to experience again.  the burden of loving someone already lost.   )   mikoto hesitates to turn, listening fully to the extent of his sorrow.  it is the same notes of melancholy that she followed from the land of askr.  and it is that reminder, the fact that she risked a life to see another, that forces her to turn around.  her lips open to speak, maybe his name or a title or a noise, but nothing leaves her.

the sight of him, hooded and weary, is enough to bring her to tears.  years have separated them and yet here he stands, almost the same as he once was when she had her retainers bring him to her bedchambers.  sick, weary, but alive.

“   anankos,   ”   mikoto whispers, hands shaking against each other.  she steps towards him once, then again, before she’s walking desperately to close the distance.   “   anankos, is this true?  do not make me mourn a ghost, be real.  be here before me.   ”   her hands rise and meet skin.  an eyelid is closed beneath her palm, the bristle of lashes settles a twitch of her fingers.  her opposite hand meets another closed eye and this time, she recoils.  not far, but her hands retract back to her chest and she shudders.

it is not from fear, and she isn’t sure how she feels about the realization.  instead, mikoto peers into anankos’ hood, stares him in the eyes as she speaks.   “   you called me here.  your voice... i heard your dream.  saw your dream.  we...   ”   and if she was there, then it was her death.  over and over and over again until his nightmares became her own.  but this is too much, too soon.  the confessions are stuck in her throat and her willpower refuses to pull them out.  mikoto steps back, narrowed eyes dark with apprehension.   “   corrin is here.  has she... has she seen you?   ”

(hello mother in law)

meet cute & ugly prompts

the dispatched souls have returned—   it is almost all mikoto hears during the beginning hours of her day.  distraught shadows find their way to her office before time had the chance to prepare her.  whispers spread the corridors, filling the ears of those close and those afar.  the whispers are concerns, cries of worry, and grieving weight.  it does not take long for mikoto to become a desperate shadow herself.   it is a sick sorrow that pushes her from her office, treading the hallways without much a thought other than to find and console.  she cannot do either if the bearer of this grief is far away, in the reaches of a world she cannot navigate.

mikoto travels as though it is her sole duty to.  and traveling has always left her weak; both in mind and body.  exhaustion brings her back to the corridor of her office, stumbling with little intent to fall as much as she wishes to only sway.  what is a mother to do when her only dream is far away?  what is a mother to do when her child is the hero against tragedies she knows nothing of?  what is a mother without her c—

the ground knocks her from the thought.  mikoto feels gravity push her down with the momentum of her fall; the end of asteria’s shaft skids the stone beneath it.  and only by the blessing of the fates, it is all over before it begins.  mikoto reaches out and pulls at fabric, her face meeting the rough outline of a shoulder.  asteria slips from her hand and falls without sound, for even vallite iron cannot exist in a world foreign and strange.

she recognizes him before she sees him.  hoshidan light raises her head with a gentle smile,   “   leo...  thank you.   ”   but her voice breaks at the weight of his hand keeping her upright.  it registers, then, this odd concept of reality.  pale eyes water and relief lasts among her features.   “   oh, leo, you’re here.  you’re here, you’re safe.   ”   her mumbling becomes a string of incoherency.  mikoto does not think twice before she takes leo in her arms, a gap of their height difference only proving to keep leo in the embrace.

though as swift as she hugs him, she leaves him just as quick.  modesty pulls her away to a safe distance, where she can still hold his hands with her own.  he is a sight of hope, this man before her.  for a simple reveal of his presence confirms the world the fates laid her into.  if leo is here, then corrin must be near.

“   sorry, i forgot myself for a moment.   ”   mikoto says, brushing her cheeks with the back of her hand.  pale eyes take in his form in full.   “   how are you feeling?  has the mission—   no, nevermind that.  we must find corrin.  have you seen her?   ”   his hands are let go as mikoto makes quick work of gathering her composure.  her staff is lifted back into her hand with a wave of magic and she beckons leo to follow when she begins to walk in the opposite direction of her office.

MISSION BOARD: racketeering

faith prompt ( blion needed! ) — she only knows Sigurd from her time in Askr, so depending on the person’s cosplay abilities, Mikoto will probably not believe him. also I want this skill point

heavy armor prompt ( blion needed! ) — this is obligatory. Mikoto comes to the monastery and hears rumors about Corrin, you know she’s immediately stepping in [ taken by Eliwood ]

axe prompt — no, she has no experience with fighting bears. yes, she will throw hands with the bear if the cooking club asks her to [ taken by Elincia ]

bow prompt — while this is also mainly for the skill point, it’d be cool to use this thread as a comparison between weaponry in different countries. also, it’d be a chance for Mikoto to be introduced to certain things; the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, mainly [ taken by Edain ]

gauntlets prompt — Mikoto doesn’t have paper skin and glass bones since she was, in fact, a warrior in every country she’s been to, but she’d attend this class as one of the teachers

dancer prompt — I submitted this prompt to write it so yes. seriously though, Mikoto is a dancer and wouldn’t be against performing as a replacement or leaving to find Marcie’s sister

NORMAL THREADS / INTERACTIONS:

again on the topic of cultural and social differences between countries. Mikoto has lived in three different kingdoms and has a surplus of knowledge on them. a chance to flesh out character views towards certain social constructs ( or for them to just be silly about it, idc )

Mikoto’s a counselor! and a good one ( side eyes the counseling department )! she knows nothing about what occurred over the few time loops in TOA but she’ll offer counsel to a muse if they are still troubled by the past events

she’d like to adopt more kids