Crouchie

i had a half hour conversation with myself debating what a human AU zenyatta would use to float, so here’s a pros and cons list:

skateboard - PROS; most socially acceptable. CONS; so 2000 and late

rollerskates - PROS; super comfortable. CONS; lucio would beat his ass

heelys - PROS; look cool and relatable with the kids. CONS; can only go down a gentle incline at best

longboard - PROS; doubles as a blunt trauma weapon. CONS; arguably the douchiest possible option 

hoverboard - PROS; its got hover in the name, glides the easiest without outward momentum. CONS; you probably have a vine account 

Nailed it.

Happy Birthday, Erwin. May your eyebrows continue to flourish.

Please don’t die