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@crazydemigod666
A dose de fofura do dia.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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from twitter user deejaygeejaygee
it just gets better
and better
Look, it’s a weird hill to die on, especially when I don’t really explain, but children deserve to experience fear, disgust, and discomfort in safe scenarios where they can process those sensations.
Media for children used to be scary and that’s important.
“Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. Otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter but darker.” ― C.S. Lewis
"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."
-- G. K. Chesterton
irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*
me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!
irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!
welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!
ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*
Sometimes, I need to take photos for work.
Sometimes, those photos need to be taken underneath vehicles. This is difficult as underneath a vehicle is very dark, but metal is very reflective, which makes using a flashlight both necessary and an issue.
Now, my favorite manager once said of me, "look at her. she burns if she looks at the forecast for too long" which is the meanest and truest thing ever said about my complexion.
Did I, partially as a joke, try to diffuse the flashlight beam off the underside of my forearm in order to get pictures underneath a truck once? Yes. Did it work? Also yes.
When I explained how I got the photos to my (different) manager, he looked at me and said very tiredly, "that is the saddest thing I've ever heard."
"oh no it's even worse than that," I assured him, and proceeded to remove my watch to show him my tan lines.
He was very distressed about this for months.
Heard a car horn today that was tuned to a fifth. Fucked up, kinda delightful
I want people to understand how jarring this was. Most car horns are either a single tone or two tones somewhere in the neighborhood of a minor third apart:
Pretty normal rush hour sounds, yeah? But this thing sounded something like this:
Fucked up! Didn't even realize it was a car horn at first, I didn't know what the fuck it was! It was weird as hell!

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what’s the rush?
The time will pass anyway
oh man the painting on this drawing is insa- fuck do you mean #minecraft build
the specific build in question btw
I looked up some of the artist's other builds and they're all just absolutely incredible
This is the reason I will never get tired of this game. It’s such a canvas for creativity, you can see or discover something new about it almost every day. Like look at these! These are astoundingly beautiful!
caught her in perfect deviantart oc ref sheet pose
You’re not alone.

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Me in 2006: I’m still bitter about that
Me in 2016: I’m still salty about that
Me in 2026, probably: I’m still umami about that
Well, are you?. We’re waiting.
There’s a lot to be umami about these days.
I can’t imagine that no one’s done this before, but when I looked, I couldn’t find it!
the european mind cannot comprehend the 48 oz dunkin bucket
Excuse me while I look something up...
1.4 litres????
Plant Talk - Part 1
In which I take "Simon became the Last Tree", tree-mutated Simon, cult Eden, eldritch blood hivemind voices, and Bloodymary and blend them all together into my fucking insane "Simon can communicate with plants and he's not sure how he feels about it" AU
Bonus stuff
Because I'm a biologist and a complete freak, I sometimes amuse myself thinking about like a super ultra advanced alien race that 'conquers' our planet, but instead of being all 'War of the Worlds' about it, they aren't even conquering, as far as they're concerned. There are no inteligent life forms on this planet, after all, just little animals, and they're clearly on the endangered species list. A perfect place to study rare wildlife on an untouched planet.
So there's an alien research station in space. Humanity's worst attempts to destroy it amount to a bear turning over the trash can. Aliens occasionally abduct people and return them with a clean bill of health and an ankle bracelet. It takes them forever to figure out those bracelets are screwing with their data because humans who carry them are curve-wreckingly popular.
Disaster strikes somewhere, I dunno, Japan, and there's an uptick in abductions, but of people stuck in collapsed buildings, and yeah the giant octopus tree that looks straight out of Call of Cthulhu is scary but it's also using tech you can't even comprehend to find survivors and teleport them out of the rubble. You see humans with absolutely 100% deadly injuries wisked away and a good number of them even return. There is now a new consent form specifying if rescuers can take you to the aliens, because they will probably try to save you but if they can't your family will never get your body back. You decide if your life or your body is more important.
Little by little, pragmatism wins out. The aliens aren't attacking, but they ARE abducting and doing weird tests. But the survivors mostly return unharmed with a Big Mac in hand and a weird piece of tech. There have been less valid excuses to miss school. The aliens are clearly researching humanity just as much as we are researching them, and until communications are established this status quo isn't the worst.
Ofc, then one of them actually attacks. Knocks the statue of liberty clean off. The military starts to deploy fast, and even wounds the attacker a lot, but before they can shoot the second missle it bounces. And it turns on the shooter. Every military person in the attack dies, suddenly and through means you cannot comprehend. The other aliens whisk the attacking one away. Construction materials appear as if in apology, but that's it.
The attacker was a hooligan who thought destroying wildlife was fun, and ran into something they can't handle. But even if the bear is perfectly within its rights to defend its territory, the ranger will atill have to shoot it to save the stupid brat, and hope the idiot learned their lesson.
But the bear is still dead. And the forest critters who had just started getting used to the ranger are now having second thoughts.
But the abductions continue. There are no hooligans for a while. And what else can you do? This is your home, but if the invaders really want to take it, what can you do?
So you try to stay out of their way, if you are in some serious trouble and your chances are already less than 50/50, maybe you seek them out. Sometimes they help. Sometimes they don't.
And sometimes the abductees catch glimpses of something that looks like it might have been human once, but eyes and skin all wrong, speaking incomprehensibly, and rubbing its head on the alien's 'knees'.
You go home to your dog and try not to think about it.
THE REVIEWS ARE IN!
And now let me bliw your mind: Alien equivalent of Steve Irwin, the one madman brave enough to go bother human wildlife in Australia.
ten-foot octopus tree holding me by the scruff of my neck after plucking me from my car:
ç̷͙̞͓̳͙̭͖̞͇̝̓̎̎͛͗̿̃̏̒̑͝r̸͇̠̲̩̩̟̞̥̫̗̞̟͇̭̼͉̈͗̔̑̓̿̓̕͜ȉ̶̧̛̛̩͔̠͖̝͎̘̝͔̖̜̅̆͆̌͊̑͂͒͠ͅk̵̰̟͋̋̈̈͗ę̴̹̟͓͎̖̑̈́̎̕͠ȳ̴̛͇̯̝̲̠̼̮̯͗͛̏́̔͜͜ ̷̼̳̰͖̃̅̈́͐̿́̂͝w̶̨̬͚̝̦͖̟̱̉̌͐̿͆̀̀̿̅̿͌̃̚͜h̶͈̪̰͈͎̍͂̕a̶̢̝̳̠̓͐̈́͐̆̀̽̀̎̾̑͝ͅţ̶̹̣͙͚̬̩̥͌̉͋̽̄̊̚ ̷̗̠̩̻̮̞̒̈́̏̿̏̌̈́͑̒͑́͘͜͝ͅå̵̡̧͔͚̖̜̦̬̥̻̭̂́̀̓̍͛̄͐̃͆̕̚͝͝ ̴̡̨̤̰̺̻̪̞̬̼͛̈͠b̶̛̛̻̳̫͙̩̪̲̲̫̱͉̺̂͊̉̅̓̎́̽̾̈̊̉̈́̕͠ͅe̷̢̲̣̻̝̯͙͔̜̭̻͕͛̓a̷̖͓̥̯̝̥̙̺̥̺̫̹͛̀͆̎̋̊̒̅̚̕͝u̷̻̟̣͕̪͍͇̼̭̜̝̲̞͓̗̽̈́̅̈́̂̇̒͠ͅt̴̘̩͎͓̰͍́̐̂̂́̂͗̒̏̑̀̈̓͊̚͝y̵̛̠͉̠̲̥͋͌́̀͆ ̵̨͍͈̳͕̱͋͗͌́̔̾̽̄͆́̇

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This cat is too fluffy for me to comprehend in slow motion
wow continuants wow
WOAHHHHHHHHHH
Me: “Do you guys want to see the fluffiest cat?” Coworkers, immediately and loudly: “YES SEND IT NOW.”
I love cloud cat
that cat is wearing a functional neck ruff
hello elizabethan cloud cat keep up the good work
Good news: if you’re currently laying around and not producing anything, you are a credit to your species.
It’s recently been found that even hive insects rest. Bees will play with colorful toys. Ants sleep for about 1 minute but they do it so frequently it amounts to a few hours per day. Even trees take breaks.
The only things that work without rest are machines; literally everything that lives requires rest.
EVERYTHING THAT LIVES REQUIRES REST. STOP JUDGING YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING A ROBOT.
robots require very frequent breaks! welding machines generally have it programmed in that they can’t run so long they melt themselves. ive overseen two different manufacturing robots now and each of them were fragile, finicky idiots that require constant maintenance and repair. they pause in between moves, in between jobs. you’re always keeping an eye on programming errors, on coolant levels, on heat. you’re always pulling bits of scrap out of joints, sweeping up debris, washing off nozzles and untangling hoses. and even then it snaps a chain and takes a whole morning’s vacation.
even robots need downtime.
My phone literally tells me to shut it off every so often to keep everything optimized and your laptop shouldn’t be running 24/7 or it starts to malfunction. Even machines need time to reboot, recover and rest. Everything that uses energy needs those moments of recovery and rest.