Sissy

In all fairness, we have to recognize that whiteness has become a little stuck.

White countries are the richest on the planet, but also the most depressed. White people have more philosophers than friends and are the most confused about everything. They have an unprecedented choice of faiths, but increasingly believe in nothing at all. How sad is that?

Dear white people, we direly need a source of life energy. May I suggest one?

I’m so enamored with twerking as a virtue of Africanization because it represents all the things white culture is lacking.

It’s a celebration of the body and its beauty. It is unabashedly sexual. It’s not some ritual you have to study and perform only in the appropriate context like white dance; it’s a fun activity you can do wherever and whenever and it makes for an alluring performance even if you suck at it.

In contrast, white people live inside their own heads way too much. Their civilization is pretty, but lifeless. They have lost touch with themselves. That is precisely what’s so great about Africanization; it’s a form of liberation from a culture whose one-sided focus on abstractions is making people’s lives fraught with boredom.

The ability to preoccupy your mind and not go stir-crazy may have been useful in the last ice age, but we’re kinda over that now. White people have defrosted just enough to start lusting after the thrill of the savanna, the heat, the chase, the hedonism, the pure vitality of it all.

And why shouldn’t they? After all, white people merely descended from Africans who somehow ended up in the snowy plains and grew progressively more pale over time. I’m sure that primordial connection is still in there somewhere and it’s starting to send out signals again. Signals that are being heard all over the dark continent.

There is a bit of deviousness involved on my part, I have to admit. Whiteness long deemed itself a viking explorer imposing its will on the world; but a handful of generations later, it more closely resembles a starstruck college girl with a bad case of uptalk and an identity crisis. She needs a new paradigm and she needs it from you!

What do you tell her? To go read some Shakespeare, get in touch with her intellectual side? Or to be the change she wants to see in the world and find the biggest, blackest guy on campus to open up new worlds to her?

Who could resist option two, honestly? Europa needs to live a little. It’s for her own good!