social media lies to you

I don't believe in a god but if there is a god then listen please. Please listen. Please listen because I want to do what is right for me but I don't know what is right for them, I don't know what is right for them and I'm asking please. I want to tell them. I don't want to keep it anymore but I can't say it at all I can't, I can't hurt them I can't be a burden I can't be more on top of everything else. I love them so much and I'm not sure that they will love me when they know. When they know that I'm different. When they know why I hurt. When I tell them I was abused. When I tell them what it made of me. I tried so hard not to let it change me. But it already did, so, so much so. I'm so rotten inside. A jumbled up mess of inescapable mumbles about boundaries and consent because how could you want me unless you're forcing it on me but if you'll only have me by taking it then how could you love me.