Miracle Mermaid

You only appreciate a full screen after playing hours of split screen games.

T-Pain: “That was the most beautiful thing in the world. Do you know why she was shaving her head? Because it was so important to other people. She is like, “Listen. Don’t touch my hair anymore. Stop touching my hair.” People were like, “We’ve got to make your hair before you go outside. You can’t leave.” She went … “Now I don’t have hair. What you going to do?”

The older I get the more her breakdown seems less ‘unbalanced’ and more ‘completely understandable’

it’s because other people told you she was unbalanced at a point in your life when you didn’t have the life experience or wisdom to understand otherwise

cat hate is just so…….. embarrassing

NO. NO FUCKING SHRIMP OR HE DIE.

This is what I’d call a responsible restaurant service. Well done.

Anyway mother’s day is coming up and if ur mom isn’t super duper I’m ur mother now I’ll see u all at brunch

these were meant to be private