Don’t grasp too tightly

The only social media I can tolerate without executive dysfunction is probably tumblr. Everything else is like “please scroll on me slot machine style and waste your time.” There’s something satisfying about wasting time on tumblr. Like it’s niche interests, other personalities- even when there’s bots or stupid shit it’s not paraded around as fact or so intensely believed/schizo (At least not so readily like other social medias- discourse here is either entertaining or depressing). Like I hateee threads cause it feels like I’m being attacked by a spiritual force of confusion and mental exhaustion. Instagram is hellish cos although it’s funny and my sense of humor, the constant scrolling- it’s like I’m looking for nothing. Tumblr is a nice walk in the park compared to everything else and I’m glad that it’s my safe space currently. TikTok I simply cannot do either cos it’s like interacting with a corporation or shoddy salesman. Twitter I can tolerate too cos it just porn/art but even in that i feel like “why can’t I draw like this :(.” Tumblr is experimental and fun in a way that still feels refreshing after all these years

You only get saved when you expel the words stuck in your throat

Called the VP and told him “hey fam I don’t want your shit ASS JOB offer!” In much nicer words. I just can’t do this company anymore. I think honestly I experienced a form of trauma from the lack of supervision, the constant need of my help, lack of professionalism, The lack of of boundaries EVERYTHING. I hated working for that shit ass company and see that they stood for cash money! But my biggest mistake was sort of falling for the okie doke and trying to find the silver lining when I should’ve been IN AND FUCKING OUT. Punching in. Notes put in. Goodbye but I developed a rapport cos I needed letters of rec. I think I was so like stressed out the previous week cause I was like “idk how I’m going to ever escape the clutches of this shit-“ transfer and now I’m thrusted into another role where I have to take care of people with disabilities like I don’t want that responsibility. I don’t want to work in people’s homes. I don’t want to feel forced to take a position because it will “help” my career I DONT CARE. Yeah I should’ve said no from the beginning but suck my COCK! I’m learning to just not feel so much god awful pressure from the world, like if I’m in for suffering FINNNNNNNE! And suffering in the sense where I’m gonna be down and out for a minute okayyyy. I just want to be okay for a moment and breathe. Like I cannot fixate on stupid bullshit anymore. I can’t live for others right now.

Another key to life is just shitting your brains out when your body requires it

Going to hang out with two of my older ex coworkers… let’s see what drama there is.

The key to life Buddha said was masturbation and weed

Time to ease my depression with getting into 30 Rock

Yooo seeing bugs and birds especially weird looking ones makes me feel so much better

As long as you are alive, it’s all fair game

On god I ache for a partner

For some reason I love terrible painful cramps. Masochism on main 😔. Fr it’s a healing experience when I’m writhing and shiiiit brain can finally shut off and just experience the body instead of moderating it