cr1mebae

read my cards last night n they read me for FILTH but with love. said i’m shedding old habits & striving to grow but that i still have more growth to do. constantly learning & unlearning. being a better person, being more present. working on my trauma, making peace with my demons. feels so good. so much to look forward to.

i’m not a victim. i don’t need saving. i have survived over and over and over. i am here. i am still fucking here. despite everything i’ve been thru i am STILL here. thriving. growing. i am not a damsel in distress that needs saving. i will always get right back up regardless of how hard shit hits me.

i am so heavily traumatized. sometimes i feel like i can’t trust myself. trust that someone actually wants to be with me. trust that my friends love me. trust my own judgement enough to know that i know when someone doesn’t deserve to be around me. it’s so hard to decipher whether it’s my trauma/anxiety or if it’s my intuition. i hate that i was left wounded in such a way that it effects every single one of my personal relationships. having to learn that i am worthy of love just because i simply exist. learning that i don’t need to prove my worth to someone in order to receive love & kindness & gentleness & reassurance. unlearning old bad habits has been an uphill battle but i fight every single day to not let them win. i’ve come such long ways yet there’s still so much work to do. one day i’ll look back & be elated that i learned to love myself & have so much confidence that no matter what, i’ll always be okay. i am here. i exist. i deserve so much more than what i’ve accepted & every day i get a little closer to believing it.

my cat keeps visiting me in my dreams & im so sad

had a dream ab my cat last night, it was so nice of him to visit me in my dreams