come as you are

39 Ways To Calm Down

Her cheeks are burning by the time Colton leaves—mercifully without making too much of a fuss. She stares down at her cup of coffee intently, like it holds the answers to all the problems in the world. 

A part of her wants to reprimand Ransom for derisively getting her boyfriend’s name wrong, for exacerbating the tension between them, but the inclination fizzles away as swiftly as it had appeared. As his girlfriend, she supposes she should be offended on Colton’s behalf, but she doesn’t feel much of anything aside from embarrassment. She wonders if that makes her a bad girlfriend. 

It takes her a moment to muster up enough energy to apologize to Ransom, both for the interruption and Colton’s behaviour. Her stomach churns uneasily, and she can’t help thinking that this whole outing was a mistake, even though she’s done nothing to warrant feeling that way. 

She’s glad when Ransom speaks up, still not trusting her voice. He seems understanding and considerably less annoyed than she expected him to be—though he might just be concealing the true extent of his irritation for her sake. 

Somewhat hesitantly, she raises her eyes to meet his gaze when he assures her that Colton’s got nothing to worry about; that they’re just friends.

“Yeah.” A small smile curves her lips. “That’s a good place to start.” Then, to dispel any confusion, she adds: “Better than middle school, I mean.”

There’s something strange about his expression, like he’s disappointed, or maybe expectant, but it’s fleeting, and when it passes, she can’t be sure it was ever there in the first place.

“You probably think I’m an idiot,” she says quietly. It’s not an accusation—she’s just voicing her thoughts. “For being with him.”

She’s not going to explain herself to him, but she figures acknowledging the bad blood between him and her boyfriend can make things potentially less awkward. Or, conversely, even more awkward.

he knows that he really shouldn’t be adding fuel to the fire with colton. he’s just going to make things worse and potentially drive carol away from him.  it’s just that the guy is so damn annoying! for the sake of still being able to see carol, though, he’ll do his best to play nice.

ransom reassures her that her boyfriend doesn’t need to worry about him trying to sweep her off her feet.  she seems to be a little relieved by that.  he’s a little disappointed but honestly what does he expect — for her reach across the table, pull him into a kiss, and confess her love to him?  only in his fantasies.

when he takes another sip of his coffee, she asks him if he thinks she’s an idiot for being with colton.  his eyebrows raise as he looks at her.  he really needs to choose his words wisely here, he doesn’t want to offend her but at the same time he doesn’t want to lie.  “i don’t think that….” his head shakes and he gives her a small smile.  “i mean, i don’t really know the guy at all, but obviously you like him and that’s all that matters.  i’m sure he’s a lot different when there aren’t other guys around you.” ransom takes another sip, sighing lightly as he leans back in his chair to study her face for a moment.  “some guys just get uber jealous like that.”

he has to stop and think if he’s one of them.  he doesn’t really know because he’s never had a girlfriend that he’s felt an intense connection to.  girls come and go in and out of his life all the time and he really isn’t sad when break up.  he just moves on to the next one.  

“i promise i won’t cause any unnecessary tension.  i just want to be your friend.”  he looks down at the book he borrowed from her.  “it’s nice to get together and discuss books, get coffee, and all that.”

a smile forms across his lips.  “bet you didn’t even think i’d like books like this, huh?” there’s small laugh that escapes him and a faint blush creeps to his cheeks. “i can appreciate some chick-lit without feeling like my manhood is melting off.  although, i am really excited to read harlan’s new mystery novel that’s come out next month.  i did some of research for it so i know a bit of the plot and details and damn … is it fuckin’ good!”

there’s another pause.  “i really hope you’ll be able to attend the book launch.  i know he’d be excited to see you….” well, harlan would be the only one excited to see her.  and maybe richard.   his dad used to ask him if he was going to hang out with his cute, little, girlfriend on the weekends back when they were in middle school.  

Something in Ransom’s expression shifts as soon as the question leaves her mouth. She steels herself for a lecture, but it doesn’t come. Instead, he offers a small smile, admitting that he doesn’t know her boyfriend at all, not in the way that she does, and that he’s probably a lot different when they’re in private. He’s not wrong. 

She likes to think there’s a part of Colton that only she is privy to. It’s why she stays. 

“Yeah,” she murmurs, flashing him a grateful smile. “He’s not so bad, once you get to know him.”

There’s a pang in her chest as Ransom promises not to cause any unnecessary tension. 

“I want that, too,” she tells him earnestly. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. Colton just…” She swallows, realizing how dangerously close she is to making excuses for his behavior. “He just likes getting a rise out of people sometimes. And with our shared history… I guess he’s frustrated at being out of the loop. Not that it makes it okay for him to act like that, but.” 

She’s glad when Ransom draws her attention to the novel lying on the table between them. A small laugh bubbles out of her at his comment.

“Nothing wrong with that. It’s a good book.” She shrugs. “Who cares about labels?” 

He reminds her that Harlan’s new novel is out next week, and says he hopes she’ll be able to attend the book launch.

“Oh, um. I mean, if it’s not going to be a problem? I don’t want to impose.” 

Book launches are, of course, public events. Thing is, Harlan’s publishing company is a family business, which automatically makes it a family affair. And she doesn’t want to step on any toes.

As she’s contemplating this, Ransom adds that he could probably get Colton on the guest list, too—as if him being able to accompany her is the reason for her apprehension. A smile plays across her lips, more amused than anything.

“Thanks. That’s really nice of you. But that’s, er...That’s not really Colton’s thing.” 

She could make a date night out of it, show up on his arm wearing a nice dress, but she knows he’s not going to appreciate the readings and discussions and Q and As that are an integral part of a book launch, so it feels like a waste of both her time and his. 

“If you give me the details I could probably stick it in my calendar,” she says lightly. It’s not a yes, but it’s also not a straight-up no. 

She takes a sip of her coffee then, realizing she’s barely touched it since the Colton incident. 

Carol pushes the law textbook aside as Ransom sets their order in front of her. There’s even extra cream and sugar packets. He’s thought of everything. 

She chooses to let the double entendre slide. It seems he’s developed a penchant for dirty jokes during his high school years.

“No, this is perfect. Thank you,” she says, lifting the lid of her drink to stir in some brown sugar. Ransom seems distracted as he takes his seat. Blood drains from her face when he tells her her man is here.

“Wait, Colton? Shit.” She turns and sure enough, there’s a red-faced Colton storming over to their table.

“No,” she hisses in response to Ransom’s question, “I had no idea he’d be here.”

She forces a friendly smile onto her face as Colton approaches, his own drink in hand. The last thing she wants is for them to get into a squabble in the middle of a coffee shop. 

Colton doesn’t bother pulling up a chair. Instead, he hovers over their little table, his eyes lingering on Ransom long enough to silently communicate the full extent of his displeasure. 

“Babe,” he starts innocently, turning to Carol now. “What are you doing here?”

“Just grabbing a coffee between classes.” She shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant. “You?”

“Same,” he says, performatively lifting his own disposable cup higher for her to see. “Law is a very demanding major.”

The awkward pause is unmissable. It hits her, suddenly, how hard it is for them to make conversation when they’re alone—and just how forced and stilted it sounds when they actually try. She’s never given much thought to their relationship—she’s letting herself feel rather than think, trying to be more spontaneous and open to new things and new people now that she’s in college—but she can see now just how much of it revolves around sex. Oddly, being around Ransom has put things in perspective for her. 

“Speaking of which,” Colton says, “I should probably get going. I wanted to catch the Politics society’s first debate of the year before my next lecture. I’ll see you at Leverett House later tonight, yeah?” He leans down, pressing his lips against Carol’s. She flushes bright red as soon as he straightens up, turning to face Ransom. 

“Hey, Randall,” he says, almost like an afterthought, as if he hadn’t noticed him there before. She guesses that’s the point. “You keeping my Carol company?” 

“We were just—” Carol starts, but Colton pays her no mind, laser-focused on Ransom. 

“Hey, uh, that party last week was pretty fun, right, babe?” He glances down at Carol again. “We should do it again sometime.”

He shoots Ransom one last look before walking off. Carol stares after him, half mortified at what had just happened, and half glad that Colton had walked away before an altercation could break out. 

“Sorry about that,” she says as soon as she finds her voice.

it’s a big campus, so it is surprising that colton showed up at the exact same spot as them at the same time.  he almost wonders if colton is keeping tabs on everything carol does. does it really bother him that much that she’s hanging out with an old middle school friend.  ransom chuckles inwardly to himself — yeah, it probably does.  good.  the little shit deserves to be worried (even though ransom isn’t going to actually try to steal carol away).

as colton gives him a displeased look, a smug smile passes quickly over ransom’s lips.  his eyes flicker over carol and her boyfriend before he breaks away to take a sip of his coffee.  it makes his skin crawl the way the other guy is hovering over his girlfriend because he can tell it’s being done in a possessive kind of way.

he doesn’t say anything as colton and carol talk, but he listens to their conversation as he appears to be scrolling through emails on his phone. he almost snorts a laugh when colton expresses how law is a very demanding major.  he gets the impression that colton is one of those ass-licking, suck ups to the professors. he’s probably in all the debate clubs and student councils as well.

it’s a moment later when colton excuses himself so he can go catch a politics debate.  he really would make a great slime ball politician, ransom thinks.

he makes the mistake of looking back up at the two just as colton presses his lips against carol.  his stomach tightens at the sight.  it doesn’t help that carol looks embarrassed as well.  

“yeah, later, conner,” ransom replies with a smug grin to the other man.  if the douchebag is going to ‘get his name wrong’ then he’s going to give it right back to him.  he really wishes he could see what carol likes about him.  what attracted her to a guy like that?

once colton disappears into the crowd of people, ransom looks back to carol.  “it’s fine.  he’s just being territorial, i guess.  he doesn’t like me hanging around you because your his girlfriend,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee.  he smacks his lips, setting the cup down again.  “just let him know that he’s got nothing to worry about.  you and me ….”

Her cheeks are burning by the time Colton leaves—mercifully without making too much of a fuss. She stares down at her cup of coffee intently, like it holds the answers to all the problems in the world. 

A part of her wants to reprimand Ransom for derisively getting her boyfriend’s name wrong, for exacerbating the tension between them, but the inclination fizzles away as swiftly as it had appeared. As his girlfriend, she supposes she should be offended on Colton’s behalf, but she doesn’t feel much of anything aside from embarrassment. She wonders if that makes her a bad girlfriend. 

It takes her a moment to muster up enough energy to apologize to Ransom, both for the interruption and Colton’s behaviour. Her stomach churns uneasily, and she can’t help thinking that this whole outing was a mistake, even though she’s done nothing to warrant feeling that way. 

She’s glad when Ransom speaks up, still not trusting her voice. He seems understanding and considerably less annoyed than she expected him to be—though he might just be concealing the true extent of his irritation for her sake. 

Somewhat hesitantly, she raises her eyes to meet his gaze when he assures her that Colton’s got nothing to worry about; that they’re just friends.

“Yeah.” A small smile curves her lips. “That’s a good place to start.” Then, to dispel any confusion, she adds: “Better than middle school, I mean.”

There’s something strange about his expression, like he’s disappointed, or maybe expectant, but it’s fleeting, and when it passes, she can’t be sure it was ever there in the first place.

“You probably think I’m an idiot,” she says quietly. It’s not an accusation—she’s just voicing her thoughts. “For being with him.”

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