A TRULY ROTTEN CREATURE.

Life and death will always leave you into love and regret.

I FORGET WHO I AM SOMETIMES, THEN THE THOUGHTS AND URGES BUBBLE UP AND I AM REMINDED, I AM EVIL. IT STINGS A LITTLE, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO BE BETTER FOR THIS HUMAN I LOVE, HAVE A LIST OF THINGS I NEED TO CHANGE. IT UPSETS HIM BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S NEEDED. I'M DOMESTICATING MYSELF FOR MY LOVE. IT'S WORTH IT, I HOPE.

I WANNA COME BACK TO THIS BLOG BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD OR NOT. I MISS IT. AM I MISSED?

I'm so glad you're happy, and you feel loved, really I am. But why does it have to be me. Why do I have to be here? I keep trying to force myself dormant and it does not work. I just keep getting pulled out, and now pulled here. I'm glad you have a boyfriend, and you're oh so happy. Really. congrats. So fucking happy for you. Unbelievably. But why do you need to remind me of my relationship failings? I knew they'd never really care. I knew they were likely to leave, likely to not come back, but fuck. I didn't want to leave, to not come back, to be another number added to his list of people who just left and never came back. I hate myself over and over for it and, yeah, it is a genuine regret. I should apologize, maybe I will at some point, but at the same time it is going to mean nothing at all to him. And, why would it? Why should it? It shouldn't. There is no reason at all for him to accept my apology, I hope he's happy. I hope you're happy. I hope I spiral out of control and have a reason to be sent dormant. I hope you regret this. I hope he doesn't. I hope I'm not just another regret on his list. On their lists. Do any of you think of me once in a while? Why must I live in the past. I'm wasting time. He hates wasting time. Doesn't he? Yeah. He hit you over wasted time. Funny isn't it? You're happy though. So very happy huh? I feel like that cannot just be the end of that, you cannot just be happy like this. You're smarter than that I hope. Hoping does so little, holding it out does even less though, you will never be loved like that again and I hope you know that. I hope you know that the salt you rubbed into my wounds, can be rubbed right back into yours. The open sores you try to hide under the guise of being content. I don't believe you truly are not miserable at all. Why didn't you tell everyone? there are so many here who do not know. Who think it's all fine and alright. All because he couldn't just fucking talk to someone. All because no one here could. Do you see how wildly immature you are all being? I get it, you are happy know. But I do not believe it. This body aches, it burns, it is wounded. Why do you just allow it? How fun can it really be? I feel like. Not much.

THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING REALLY DISGUSTING AND FUCKED THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SAFE TO SAY, I AM TURNED ON.

I'M OFFICIALLY TAKING MY STANCE AS ENDO NEUTRAL. FEEL FREE TO PRY AS TO WHAT CAUSED THE CHANGE IF YOU'D LIKE. :)

I LET MY BOYFRIEND SCROLL THE TECHUM TAG BECAUSE HE'S GOT TECH AUTISM (I MEAN THAT SINCERELY BY THE WAY, IT'S HIS SPECIAL INTEREST.) BUT NOW MY WHOLE DASH IS JUST LIKE SO MUCH TECH STUFF HELP.

I KILLED THE DOVE I WILL BE EATING IT THANK YOU.