you were always the car crash

i am aware that he’s committed numerous atrocities but have you considered that he’s the vampire armand and he wrote individualized apology letters to all he has wronged because he feels really bad about everything

if anything ilya is the guy with a 5 step curl routine and shane has been using the same brand of shampoo that yuna bought him when he was 15

see the thing is shane WOULD have mysterious powers and never know it because they just don't coincide with his hockey career. like i easily see him as being able to control the weather or something and he just doesnt gaf. the games are all indoors anyway so he doesnt care or know why it always happens to storm like crazy after the metros lose no matter where they are or what season it is. thats got nothing to do with him!

sucks so unbelievably bad that you can’t just like be a lady’s maid anymore. there used to be a job that consisted of taking care of one woman’s every need every day for your whole life including dressing and undressing her and living with her and that was a normal thing to do in fact it was encouraged.

anyway good morning a crucial tenet of hollanov’s relationship is that they’re equals and they’re the only people in the world who could ever be each other’s equal. they were supposed to stand alone at the top but they’re there together. shane does not view ilya as a lazy useless inconvenience. ilya does not view shane as a nagging killjoy. they are equals and they both think the other is the best thing since sliced bread and they love each other but more importantly they LIKE each other. stop making them not like each other!

shane speaking russian w sveta but she keeps pinching his cheek and calling him dedushka bc his russian is so old fashioned and formal from his textbooks and ilya is trying soooooo hard not to get an earnesty boner over it all

importantly sveta does laugh at him and say "ARE YOU HARD???" which makes shane get bitchy and say "why are you looking at his dick. and why are you fucking hard pervert. jesus" and ilya is truly in heaven