turns out my 🦆 bigger

SHE TOLD ME I HAD LIPSTICK ON MY TEWTH

No cus wdym my cool uncle is also my cousin’s embarrassing dad?

When you’re trying to fall asleep but all you smell is Fritos bc you have a dog sleeping on your head

I was thinking about Chinese food and then I remembered how much I loved this place we went to in Virginia (750 miles away) and I dig and dig until I find it. Turns out it’s closed. I got sad bc I’ll never eat there again. Then I remembered delicious noodles I had on a cruise that had a noodle bar. Btw one restaurant was 2012 and the other was 2015

Unfortunately, my cousins and I never made dance routines in the cellar. We held court cases— judge, 2 lawyers, a jury & defendants + accused. There was the occasional witness. Btw the cousin who insisted on being the judge is now an attorney.

No cus why isn’t my mom picking up my call 😑 second time in an hour I tried her. I’m literally resorting to calling the landline

Remember when your phone would die and if your friend had the same (or same brand) you could pop off the back & takeout the battery so you could check it

Hello besties

I know I’m doing something right bc mini bestie was singing “Taylor Swift Toy Story 5” in the wave pool at the water park