turns out my 🦆 bigger

SHE TOLD ME I HAD LIPSTICK ON MY TEWTH

I hate how onions taste good & smell good when cooking…..but leave your hands and breath smelling bad for what feels like eternity. I could wash my hands 70 times and brush my teeth 10 times and it would STILL LINGER

I’m at the point where I don’t care if we see wedding pics or not. Yeah….I’d love to and it would be fun, exciting and nice. However, I think she’s enjoying the fact she can keep something to herself and an event in her life private. We know it’s official & honestly that’s good enough. That’s all we really need. Actually…I’d even argue we weren’t even obligated to know they tied the knot.

No cus wdym my cool uncle is also my cousin’s embarrassing dad?

When you’re trying to fall asleep but all you smell is Fritos bc you have a dog sleeping on your head

I was thinking about Chinese food and then I remembered how much I loved this place we went to in Virginia (750 miles away) and I dig and dig until I find it. Turns out it’s closed. I got sad bc I’ll never eat there again. Then I remembered delicious noodles I had on a cruise that had a noodle bar. Btw one restaurant was 2012 and the other was 2015

Unfortunately, my cousins and I never made dance routines in the cellar. We held court cases— judge, 2 lawyers, a jury & defendants + accused. There was the occasional witness. Btw the cousin who insisted on being the judge is now an attorney.

No cus why isn’t my mom picking up my call 😑 second time in an hour I tried her. I’m literally resorting to calling the landline

Remember when your phone would die and if your friend had the same (or same brand) you could pop off the back & takeout the battery so you could check it

Hello besties