Yuu's loneliness
Male yuu!
Little is said about Yuu's loneliness.
Not the fact of being alone, but the feeling of loneliness.
The first-years try to understand. They grasp how hard it is for Yuu to be far from family, friends, and the world where he was born and raised.
But that’s not all. It’s not that simple.
It’s not just his family he misses. It’s the music, the movies, and the artists. It’s longing to understand memes and jokes, to get the references everyone else seems to know but him. It’s missing the ability to mention a historical event from his world and get a laugh instead of a confused stare. It’s missing the chance to hear friends talk about a classic movie—one that even the most reclusive among them (like Riddle) know—and actually understand it, rather than feeling shut out of the conversation.
It’s missing the ability to look in the mirror and recognize himself, because even his reflection doesn't look the same. It’s missing the feeling of stepping outside and breathing the same air as before; the scent, the weight of the atmosphere, even those things are different here.
It’s about not fearing unknown illnesses, diseases that might be mild for everyone else but fatal for him, since he lacks magic.
It’s missing a sense of identity, a record in the world proving he existed, because he doesn't even seem to appear in photographs.
The first-years don't understand, not really.
Not in the way that matters.
Perhaps that’s why Yuu likes Malleus so much; in a way, they are alike. Malleus understands what it means to be alone and to feel lonely.
But that isn't entirely true, is it?
Because at the end of the day, Malleus still has his family, a home to return to, and friends who somewhat understand how he feels. He feels like he belongs and understands his world, even when that world doesn't reciprocate.
Don't get me wrong, Yuu loves his friends: he loves Grim and believes he can build a family with them. Because that’s what they are, right? Family. But even so, Yuu is alone. And he always will be.
Yuu believes this is all just homesickness, that once he returns, the pain will fade.
But it won’t.
Because in Yuu’s world, there will be no one to understand him, just as no one understood him in Twisted Wonderland. How can Yuu explain to his parents that he misses friends who live in another world? How can he say he misses the card soldiers who were always getting into trouble but never let anyone bully him? How can he say he misses his wolf-hybrid friend, who was always there to be the voice of reason when he needed it? How can he say he misses the apple-obsessed friend with the country accent he found so funny? How can he say he misses the half-fae who constantly insulted him yet proved his worth? How can he say he misses the humanoid who helped him find his way home? Damn it, he even misses that bunch of arrogant, traumatized teenagers who tried to kill him on more than one occasion! How can he explain that?
And God, how can he say he misses his cat, his loud, annoying, troublemaking cat, who was entirely his?
They won’t understand. No one ever will.
He made it, he went home, back to the place where he belonged. So why doesn't the loneliness pass? Why won't the longing go away?
In the end, Yuu might be surrounded by people he loves.
And yet, he will always, always feel alone.
