Life's a game of cornhole, ladies

Um actually scrub daddy is my comfort character and it physically and psychically hurts me to see you chop him up and eat him after freezing and cracking him up with liquid nitrogen while naked with big boobs?

Ill be a star

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

sometimes I see posts like this and wonder what this post must be like for people who don’t play mtg. this joke must have an entirely different texture if you don’t know who this man is and what he has done to me personally

i can only assume he debated steven universe with you

people say dolphins are smart but there not smart enough to not be Shity grey rubber tubes flappin about in the gotdamn ocean

*they’re

congratulations! you are the piss lord of shit mountain. thank u for hefting turds down the mountainside so that we, the proles, may feast on your bounteous craps

this lettuce smells like dog

you bought dog lettuce

This is your captain speaking and yeah we’re not landing. I just feel like we’ve got a really good thing up here and I don’t want to ruin it. This is my home and you are my people

We never have to go back

eebie wa aboowa!! bababababbaa

the public transportation pervert gets off at every stop

I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.