Our Journey to Starting a Family

Hello friends.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I drove to Grand Junction, CO to visit some friends. It’s a 4-5 hour drive from our house. Once we got there, I noticed my son had a little rash right above his diaper line on his lower tummy. I didn’t think much of it since he’s a baby and he wears a diaper all day every day and it’s bound to irritate him here and there. I figured sitting in his car seat with the buckle resting right there had something to do with it. 

We stayed a few days and made the trek home and the rash was still there... not much worse but again figured it was from him being in that car seat for 5.5 hours. We went through our workweek and I made sure he had clean sheets, new PJs each night, no food allergy and kept his diaper as dry as we could. 

That following weekend it was still there and worse. Some looked like pimples both big and small (the big ones were gross!). We started doing baking soda baths every night. We did that for about a week and it really didn’t get better. The last few days of that week we also started putting Lotrimin on it thinking maybe it was fungal and it did dry it up a bit but it was still there and this mama couldn’t take it anymore. I started to worry more and more and decided it was time to make a trip to the doc. I needed peace of mind. 

I was setting myself up for awful news... but turns out it just eczema which is essentially really dry skin. The doc says he sees it all the time with Colorado kids since it’s SO dry here. He said to put Vaseline on it often and limit baths. So in the end even through it was just eczema- I’m glad I went because the baths were doing more harm than good... drying him out. 

The rash still isn’t gone but it’s much better and it’s more of a time thing... staying on top of the Vaseline and limiting bath time. 

In the end, I am glad we tried all options and waited two weeks but then finally took him. It helped this worry-wart and mama slept better finally knowing what it was. 

Yes... two random things but both top of mind this week. 

The whole family is sick. First it started with the little man, then my husband and then me. All back to back, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday each of us went down. It’s heart breaking to see little man sick... but 8 months without a single cold, I’ll take it! And he is handling it like a champ. Here’s what we have been doing based off what other parents have told us, what our parents did and what we know to work:

We bought a vaporizer and put vapor rub right where the steam comes out. 

We make the bathroom a steam room and sit in there with him for 10 minutes or so until he breaks a sweat, twice a day (when we’re done we wrap him in a towel and dress his quickly to keep him warm).

We limit his fruit and do more veggies to cut down on the sugar

I am trying to breastfeed prior to each feeding in order for him to get the antibodies from my milk

The NOSE FRIDA! Yes it’s disgusting but also genius and really helps get a lot of the yuck out of his nose! 

Vitamin D drops- we put one drop in one bottle a day. 

His sleep and naps aren’t great right now... so we just really watch for those sleepy cues and try to offer a nap and bedtime when needed but are flexible with him being sick. 

Lots of snuggles.

That’s about all we can do. Just need to let it run it’s course. We know this will build his immune system. We have been watching for a fever but thankfully, only a cough and stuffy nose. Now on day 4 and not getting worse so that’s a positive sign (if anything it’s already getting better.)

Regarding pumping...

Ughhh. This has been a long time coming and honestly is partly a relief and partly heartbreaking. My little boy is getting bigger and my body just isn’t producing like it used to- especially with the pump (baby gets more out than the pump). The last few weeks, each 20 minute pump session would only yield between 1 and 3 ounces... and last week I was lucky to get 2 ounces after sitting there for 20 minutes. That’s not worth it in terms of what it takes to run out in the middle of the show, strip down (mic and IFB and all), take 20 minutes away from the show clearing scripts and getting prepped for upcoming shows, not to mention cleaning and sanitizing all the parts, lugging the pump and accessories around and measuring out all bottles each and every night. This weekend I decided, I am done and packed it all up. I cried. I cried then and once again this morning. I want to give my baby the best and breast milk is the best. Formula has really come close but nothing compares to mama’s milk (especially when baby is sick... because our milk will transform into what baby needs at the time whether he is sick, needs more fat, etc.). 

I still plan to breastfeed whenever I can (and that’s what I start with before each bottle when I am home) and figure an ounce here and there is better than nothing. 

Here’s to the next milestone. 

On Wednesday, February 13th we were discharged from the hospital. Uhh what?! I can’t believe they send people home with these little human beings without an instruction manual. The first drive is daunting. Everyone seems like they are the worst driver in the world, all going way too fast. I remember looking down at my perfect little boy and thinking, “what now?”. I want to give him the very best yet I don’t know what I am doing. Yes, I cried- tears of happiness and fear (click link below for video). 

https://www.facebook.com/josh.cavan.9/videos/10105040586311613/?epa=SEARCH_BOX

So many people talk about postpartum depression and the baby blues. I honesty, completely disregarded it all. I’ve never had problems with depression, anxiety, etc. and am overall a very happy person so I figured I wouldn’t be affected. Boy was I wrong. 

The baby blues hit me hard. I cried all day, every day for the first several days. It would come on out of the middle of nowhere. Such intense anxiety, a ball of it at the top of my stomach to the point where I was nauseous. I couldn’t explain the feeling I had to anyone- not even my husband. I kept apologizing to him saying, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t describe what I am feeling. I’m sorry I am not myself....” I would cry but I wasn't sure why or where it came from and felt bad about it because I have this perfect baby boy here, he’s healthy, I’m healthy, but I had these tears. 

I reached out to several of my girlfriends often times in a full on anxiety attack and found out many of them faced similar things in the days following delivery. Some had it last months, others had more mild symptoms. Hormones are a B*&^% of a thing. One thing I truly felt helped regulate my hormones were the placenta pills. I touched on this in one of my previous posts. I kept my placenta and send it off to be encapsulated. I had read and heard from several of my girlfriends that it helps regulate the hormones and helps with milk production. I picked up the pills on day 2 of being home (4 days post delivery) and within a few days started to really feel better. I am not sure if it was really the pills or if it was just my hormones regulating on their own but either way, I’d do it again. There were no negative side effects and my milk production has been great! 

After I delivered my son, and the placenta, and got 12 stitches... I thought the pain was over. Ohhhh no. A nurse comes in and presses very firmly on your lower stomach. It hurts like a *&^%$! And it’s not just then, it’s for the two days after, several times a day. Not fun but necessary- they’re checking to make sure your bleeding is normal and making sure the uterus is shrinking back but dang, be prepared for it. 

I was told I could go home after one night but had the option to stay another night to make sure my baby was eating enough and latching correctly. I decided to stay because life was just easier in the hospital with the bathroom so close, food delivered to my bed, no laundry or dishes to do and the comfort of the nurses right down the hall. Newborns typically cluster feed on that second night- something the nurses warned me about- so I wanted to make sure they were at the push of a button if I needed help in the middle of the night. 

In those two days, you basically have someone coming into your room every hour and overnight every 2 hours. Nurses, lactation consultants, the pediatrician, doctors, photographer, visitors, etc. It’s exhausting. 

I talked about the nurses in my previous post, but I have to rave about them again. Every single one (and we had at least 8) truly loves what they do. They were all so warm, caring and knowledgeable. They took extremely good care of me, never made me feel uncomfortable, taught us how to swaddle, how to use a bulb syringe, how to wash his hair... all things that seem so daunting for first time moms. The lactation consultants were also phenomenal and always available. They really helped me figure out how best to feed my baby, ease the pain, use my pump, know that he’s getting enough, etc. 

Friday I wrapped up the work day like any other…

I was 39 weeks and 4 days… baby had dropped but I wasn’t having any contractions or signs of labor (aside from some Braxton Hicks here and there which had been happening for a week or so) and was feeling good considering how pregnant I was.

Friday overnight into Saturday morning I started to have a few contractions… mild but definitely contractions and I woke up with a headache which can be a sign of early labor.

Most of Saturday my contractions were about 20 minutes apart lasting about 20 seconds… my Bradley coach and doula told us to get out of the house, walk around, get our mind off it as long as possible.

So we did...

We went to lunch, went shopping, got dessert and spent most of the day out of the house- all while tracking the contractions.

We’d be in a store, a contraction would come on, I’d stand there and grab onto something and then it would pass and we’d be on our merry way. We actually ended up walking more than 5 miles that day just burning time.

Saturday evening the contractions started to get more intense, closer together and lasting longer. Our doctor told us to go by the 5-1-1 timing (5 minutes apart, lasting for 1 minute and being going on like that for 1 hour). Our Bradley coach and doula go by the 3-1-1 method (3 minutes apart, lasting a minute or longer and like that for an hour). The whole thought process here is that you want to labor at home as long as possible. The less time you can be in the hospital the better, less intervention. Some hospitals will start the clock on labor the moment you come in and that’s how a lot of women end up getting Pitocin, epidurals and c-sections - all of which I did not want.

I remember our Bradley coach saying, “you’ll know when it’s time to go to the hospital” and she was right. Josh stayed up with me most of the night timing the contractions, giving me massages in between, talking me through them. Poor guy fell asleep right towards the end… 3:30 am I woke him and told him it was time to go.

Here is where the flashes of memory happen… I remember getting in the car, then I remember pulling up to the ER entrance and being put in a wheelchair, there’s a flash of an elevator, and then all of a sudden I am in the delivery room in my hospital gown, my husband and doula by my side…

I was 7 cm dilated when we got to the hospital at 3:45am. My water hadn’t broken yet.

They strapped two monitors to my belly- one for baby’s heartbeat and one for mine. What’s crazy is that Josh and my doula could tell when the contractions were coming, when they were peaking and coming down. They talked me through each one. At about 8.5cm dilated the nurse asked if I wanted them to break my water… I did not. I knew nature would do it’s thing and it did just moments later it broke at 9cm. Right before it broke, I felt the urge to push during the contraction and that did it.

It was time to start pushing. They removed the bottom half of the bed, the feet stirrups came out and the doc entered the room. There’s nothing that can prepare you for what that pushing is like until it’s time and I admit it took me a few tries to figure it out.

All of a sudden they tell me they see his head and he’s got a lot of hair! I thought, “ Oh my gosh, I am about to meet my son.”

I pushed for about an hour. Yes, it was painful. The “ring of fire” which is when the baby’s head is coming through definitely hurts- more like stings and burns intensely. Once his head came out, it was only a few more pushes and my son was born. He truly was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen… worth the pain 100X even in that moment when the memory of the pain was still very real.

They put him on my chest and I was complete. It brings tears to my eyes right now thinking of that moment. The moment he made me a mommy.

I knew it wasn’t over yet… there’s the second birth or the delivery of the placenta. I had read that can also be painful as your body has contractions to deliver it.

I however, was not prepared for what happened next. My placenta got stuck to the top of the uterus. The doctor had to do a pelvic sweep… essentially meaning she needed to put her hand (and more) up there and pull it out. Talk about painful.

The first time she did it, it didn’t come out. They ended up giving our son to my husband to do skin on skin while they worked on me. They gave me a little fentanyl for the next round… she went up there and pulled it free from the uterus and pulled it out. As awful as it is, it’s necessary because that’s how women hemorrhage blood- if it’s not completely removed but dang was that painful!

I ended up with 12 stitches… small ones from tears on the side (you don’t even feel that part) and was soon cleaned up and feeding my son for the first time.

Christian Samuel was born at 7:11am on February 10th, 2019 (my Mom’s birthday). 

Healthy boy weighing 7lbs, 9oz, 20.5 inches long

A few notes: I can’t praise the staff at Littleton Adventist Hospital enough. We made the right decision to deliver there. The nurses were phenomenal and really encouraged my desire for a natural birth. Our charge nurse, Kristen was a God-send! I vividly remember her pressing my hips together as each contraction came on- it took the pressure off my lower back which is where my contractions mainly were. She did that for hours. The nurses there truly have a passion for what they do- there’s no doubt about that and God-willing we have more- we will be delivering there again (more on the nurses in my next post).

Our Bradley coach, Lisa, really prepared us for natural birth. We took 4 classes, each 2 hours long and it was worth every penny ($425). She was available all day as I was contracting and helped walk us through the phase we were in, what was coming, what to look out for, etc.

My doula, Cristina, was an integral part of the process. She was available in the days leading up to the labor. She met with my doc in advance. She checked in on me daily and was available 24/7 for any questions we had. She knew every detail of our birth plan. She was at the hospital just moments after we got there and was a soothing voice to get me from one contraction to the next. She was my voice to the nurses and doctor about what I wanted and what I didn’t. She also worked well with my husband to walk him through the contractions and what to expect as we entered into each phase.

My husband was AMAZING through this whole process. The three of them (doula, charge nurse and husband) were truly the dream team. Josh kept me calm all day while my contractions were rolling through but was also very attentive. He was so incredibly strong in the labor room- you’d think he had done it before. He reminded me to keep my breathing under control, breath through the pain, embrace the pain, watched the monitors to give me a heads up a contraction was coming, when it was peaking and when it was coming down. He made me feel like the strongest woman in the world in that room which gave me the confidence to continue on naturally. He held my leg for each push and cut the umbilical cord. I am one lucky woman.  

What a feeling! Our doc walked into the room yesterday and said, “Welcome to full term”. Wow! So grateful. 

Baby’s heart beat is coming down which is perfect- now at 138. My blood pressure continues to remain low. My weight has stayed the same (woohoo). And the doc thinks I will make it to 39 or 40 weeks just based on some early indicators but as you know- baby really will come anytime he wants now. How exciting (and scary).

When women tell you the last few weeks are tough... they aren’t kidding. The uncomfortable level goes to new extremes. Last night was one tough night. My stomach hasn’t been right for most of pregnancy but it’s REALLY been rough the last month or so. Last night COMBINE that with extreme heart burn and acid reflux causing me to actually toss my cookies. I couldn’t sleep because the only way I felt comfortable was to prop myself all the way up. I fell asleep around midnight with my alarm set to go off at 2am. Ouch. 

These days, baby is getting heavy- which means my belly is heavy. I walk around often like a 90 year old as my hips, back and ribs get ready for labor. Deep aches and pains with things shifting all the time. Baby often kicks my bladder so hard it hurts and the weight of him sitting on my uterus makes the dreaded ‘H’ (see previous entry) even worse (yes, they’re still there and according to my doc will prob remain until after delivery... super fun). Nothing fits these days and my feet at the end of the day seem as wide as they are long. 

All worth it 100 fold just little things to know for all the mama’s out there. 

A few other notes/updates:

I started at 127 pounds and have gained 30 pounds which is completely healthy and normal (for healthy women going into pregnancy 25-35 pounds total is what they shoot for). At my 36 week apt I actually dropped a few pounds which is also totally normal as baby is taking most the weight right now and most women aren’t as hungry at this point with the stomach so squished. 

My 36 week ultrasound was awesome. Baby is perfectly healthy and passed all the tests he needed to. They say he is weighing about 6lbs, 7oz (give or take a pound) and will prob only gain about another pound in these final weeks. Healthy baby boy. 

They also tested me for strep b which 30% of women have and if positive women are given antibiotics ahead of labor. I tested negative so that’s great. They also did a blood draw to test me for Hep C since I am planning to keep my placenta and have it encapsulated. Also, came back negative so that’s great. The doc did a cervical exam as well to see how things are progressing and told me I'm 50% effaced but not dialating which is great and normal being that I still have 4 weeks to go... so at this point it doesn't look like baby is coming early (obviously all of that can change very quickly though). 

Now my appointments come every week up until baby’s debut. 

We’ve taken 3 birthing classes now (have one more to go) and the Bradley Method is giving me more and more confidence every day I can give birth to this sweet boy naturally. Don't get me wrong, it scares the s*&$ out of me but also thinking about holding our sweet boy, calms me and reminds me how blessed we are to be here. 

A quick shout out to my amazing husband. Men often don’t get enough praise during this process. They’re left out of a lot of things with focus being on mom and baby. However, at least in my case, he deserves some serious love. He puts up with my hormonal breakdowns, massages my feet at night, helps out so much around the house and getting the nursery ready, goes to all these appointments with me all while working two jobs. He even went to our third birthing class a day after his MMA bout, black eye, stiches, aches and pains and all. He’s an amazing husband and will be such an amazing father. I’m one blessed woman.