constantly five feet from my destination

condola rashad as joan of arc i am free on sunday at 5 im just letting you know that i would be available on sunday at 5 if someone asked me to dinner on sunday at 5

And ash is just a horse girl with bad hair so he trains the horse even though it did rupture his spleen multiple times with its beautiful legs

james voice: Yee  haw pardner

Humanizing: Hey, I’m sorry that I blew up like that earlier. In the moment I felt really attacked and overwhelmed and I reacted badly, but I know you didn’t mean to offend me with what you said, so that behavior is on me.

If you're diabetic, you don't have to eat the honey glazed ham that will send you into a coma (their example). But you also can't yell at the person offering it and accuse them of trying to kill you. You can just say "thanks, but my body can't handle that kind of sugar intake, so I'll pass"

You on the other hand might want to google the difference between Narcolepsy and Necrophilia….

I have Narcolepsy, which is a sleep disorder. Narcolepsy has nothing to do with Necrophilia. I am not into necrophilia.

I didn’t realize that one said “necropolises.” That’s actually so funny. I think that one must have been a joke

Nick Robles’ horny Nightcrawler art…

Happy burn your house down day for my fellow Fullmetal Alchemist enjoyers ✨

Outlines of two alligators that slept through the rain.

The Chinese shoe manufacturer decided to demonstrate the indestructibility of their shoes

Its surprisingly tasty????

-Agua pepino: water, cucumbers, lime, sugar, optional mint.

-shrub: vinegar, sida water, elderberry (or other berry), sugar.

-sekanjabin: honey, vinegar, mint, water.

"... ah."

if anyone has any more please send em

CEOs and politicians, every time: Well i just saw it go right twice in a row which means the normal system which you say works 90% of the time actually works 100% of the time. We’re cutting the team down to one person pulling 18 hour shifts without breaks

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