Everything Pretentious

I’ve one again lost my interest in anything and everything. It’s still my fault

I just want to do, I would like to continue. But I don’t. Something happens. For once it’s not me. It’s little comfort but I still see it provides some. And yet I stop see no hope, nothing to look forward to in the future

I will never belong

I deserve no sympathy.

I don’t belong anywhere

I cant write it anymore. The words I have left are just not right. Sad isn’t the word. Depression isn’t quite correct. That’s what it is, but it’s wrong. It’s so deep in me, but nothing works. I was never good with words, I was never good at it all. I should just let it all go. But i can’t even start anything new. I’ll just lay on the floor like I do and sit and do nothing. Yay.

I have been banking on my life falling apart. It is only after that would I get my life together.

I don’t want this anymore

I used to reach out to people. I used to do better. Now it’s easier to just not. Just act like you’re only doing yourself the favor.

I hate myself. I know it’s not original, I know it’s not a surprise. But I do. I just don’t really like myself one bit. I’m trying to like myself, and I am failing. I hate the world. There is so much bad here, I know there is good, but the good is there to fight the bad, and the bad only care about being better. It’s just a shitty world. The whole world is going no where good. I feel like there is no hope for humanity. I just feel no hope. This is as direct I think as I can be. I always want to use flowery words, and I want to make great pieces of art. But I am far too in hate with myself to even get that far. See, I’m still trying and it’s not working. I hope I have something to look forward to tomorrow. Right now; I’m only here for the people who love me for some reason. I don’t kill myself because i know I would just inconvenience them the rest of their lives. I don’t know why I post these on here anymore. They feel like a cry for help. I only talk to one person on here on a regular basis and I guess you don’t get to see it. But anyways: I’m here, sad, In a bad spot, and I just don’t want to do anything about it because I suck and I’m lazy. Thanks for reading. Fuck. I cant stop. I cant stop this can I? I don’t know what I want or what I need to do to stop. Fuck.

I can feel myself getting sadder and sadder and I am not able to cheer myself up anymore. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.