NICKI CARTER

Mirrored glass is such an interesting concept, something that looks so strong and mighty something you’d believe to be upheld, something that reflects beauty yet at the very same time is one of the most fragile things in this world if mishandled, if touched with no care it will shatter with one simple crack, this thing that appears to be able to hold up the ugly truths in front of you with all it’s beauty staring back at you and then you realise, That’s often how I see myself, strong but fragile in breakable yet still one of the most breakable things to coexist in a world where things are supposed to break yet you feel shouldn’t, the days I see beauty are also the days I see darkness reflecting back towards me. And that in a nutshell, is what I see whenever I look in the looking glass. I am, the mirrored glass.

Have you ever felt like a human dumping ground? An energy buffer? The person people will load all their problems on you for a quick ear, soothing advice but are quiet in sharing their good moments with you? We talk about people not being there for us so much that we hardly speak about the people that are often used as dumpers, offloading bad energy from one place to the other and then leaving you in the dark. I’m the type of person I wanna be there for the good and bad not just the good and not just the bad an equally balanced environment creates better energy space, the mind body and spirit is able to be a better friend, lover because the energy offloading is as equally yolked as the other. We all have our selfish moments, we all have times where we are so wrapped out in ourselves we forget the people around us need to offload too, but just remember too much of one given energy creates bad energetic karma.

It’s a rare occasion to feel exactly who you are in any moment I guess the only time we truly know is when we are looking at who we used to be, but to be able to touch the very centre of your being in a moment of peace in any instance it can change, I may never get this feeling again until the moment has passed me by so today, this day , I recognise myself in the mirror and I am thankful that I can see myself through my eyes.

Those who write live or those who live write. Something I’ve been struggling with lately I often forget how much peace writing has given me how much truth has been freed from the shackles of my mind. I struggle with a balance between living and writing often I write only when I am in pain then I leave like a child who’s forgotten her favourite toy as she grows, it’s important to remember to pray not only when things are bad but also when they are good. So here I am, picking up where I left off to say the pen will always feel warm in my hands and these words will always be my home.

When you are ashamed of where you are, where you stand , it is to ignite the fire inside you to move. Only in movement is where you’ll find yourself, and when you do standing won’t feel like you are bound to the earth but free within it.

You knew I was wrong for you but you made everything right

You don’t get to keep building me up just so you can break me again.

I feel you moving through me, it’s electric a shock in my system something I can’t survive on yet revives me. My love, please don’t cut the power you are my chaos but my freedom I am hopeless without you but with you I am homeless.. my hearts stuck between a rock and a hard place and as I walk away I leave it there in the hopes that when you feel alone walking in the cold you see what I left for you in the hopes you pick up the phone....

I hope you feel my spirit lingering, trying to call out for you. You’re no longer here but I hope you feel my touch I hope when you close your eyes you see me and In silence you hear me I need you to know that whenever you’re in doubt I believe in you. But you’re not here right now, I guess you don’t feel me, energies burning I guess everything I want you to feel only touches me and the hardest part is my soul trying stay out of your way in order to let you go...

Do I scare thee? - love.

Sometimes the universe gives you what you think you want to teach you that you didn’t need it at all. We all have a hard time questioning our journey so much that we go back to places thinking the safest place is our old home only to find that it was destroyed and only in chaos can you find your resting place.

Mornings are the hardest, when the world is barely awake the quietness reminds me I’m alone but the noise in my head reminds me of you.

Maybe what I saw in you is what I hate in me.