Things Conservatory Professors Say

It's just like life, you know? You can't run away from the dissonances or they'll just come up in other places, messy and out of tune.

It's funny, people rehearse but no one ever hearses.

The rule of thumb we can learn from Tchaikovsky is never marry your stalker.

Oh composition majors, there is hope for you. Don’t do it this way.

It’s a nasty way to die. Get yourselves checked.

Of course, assuming that your virginity gives you your strength.

Wagner is one of the most well written about. Besides Jesus and Napoleon.

Berlioz didn't like the conservatory. He was like Dave Brubeck here at the conservatory.

‎"Romanticism... It's like Lord of the Rings... It's also like Twilight."

On the internet, no one knows if you're a dog or a music history professor...

Hey you guys, do you know what cuckold means? I’ll tell you, just don’t tell your mothers.

The only ones who can get away at showing up at rehearsals at 1:00pm exactly are pianists. Well unless you need to pull the condom off the piano.

“…So, after World War 2 is over, Ligeti splits to Vienna……Ligeti splits……Ligeti…splits…Get it?”

I hate to insult you guys, but that's pretty much my job.

They could fly a dog around the earth, but they couldn't record their own concertos.