*Spider Jesus* @consensualricesermon-blog - Tumblr Blog

*inadvertantly covers salad with olive oil instead of balsamic vinegar*

jesus wouldn’t have wanted this

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*Throws Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson at your window in an attempt at courtship*

#peace #weed #weshouldnthavegonetovietnam #t #text #text post

*uses hamburger helper ™ juice as lube*

watch out babe I’m going in raw

#cooker #chef #love #text #5sos #sonicvore

But Sharon...

The Lasagna...

#lasagna #pasta #text #text post #christianity

u ever be eating individually wrapped chocolates and u be flinging the wrappers back in the box after u done with the chocolate and then u shove ur hand up in that bitch and ur like, yup, that’s a lot of chocco, but then u tip the box out ant that bitch is 99% wrapper? excuse me bitch? we may eat plastic when shit gets hard but that day ain’t today

#text #bdsm #stoner #gay #emma stone

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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hotpants destroyed pre-world war 2 germany, and they’ll destroy you too

#rage #god #dankyou #text #bot

a concept

we make sweet love all night long. I refuse to use my hands, and instead make penguin like ducking motions over your beautiful body. we are madly in love. the cows are screaming once more

#concept #love #sex #textpost #greenday

*bats the epipen out of the charming, peanut allergenic librarians hand after he mistakes peanut slice for caramel*

put that cig down young man

#love #hentai #text #text post #vulgarity #nsfw

tell me I’m pretty, I scream to no one in particular.

the chanel boots are filling up with swamp water.

the spaghetti stringing from my nose? lukewarm.

luke, where did you put my tequila?

#textpost #cheflife #meatbea #godfirst #gorillaz

If religion is the opiate of the masses how come I don’t get high when I go to church?

checkmate athiests

#love #god #religion #danandphi #text #textpost

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Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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slimetony

I have the power to shrink my body but it would also shrink my brain proportionately and it would make me to dumb to get big so ive never done it

consensualricesermon-blog

I did a similar thing except my package stayed the exact same size. Tiny ant boy with three inch lovemaker. Ladybugs love it.

feelings getting you down? baths not easing the stress? incense filling your nostrils with nothing but the scent of your ex-wifes perfume? why did you leave me for him sarah? why chad? it was the mercedes wasn’t it sarah? I’m sorry I coul;dn’t be the man for you

#text post #ddlg

ya know I have very mixed views on masturbation. on the one hand? ajit pai.

#net neutrality #news #ddlg #love #bts

Five Nights At Freddies FanFic

*kicks freddy mcfuckbear and his lollipop guild fanbase right in the fucking dick*

“how do you like that mr fazzhead?” I say, my super hot 6 pack glistening and covered in ketchup.

*freshnugget looks at me, and smiles*

“You were too late... she is dead.”

*I scream, then push my fists deep into my eyes. My goth GF. Gone forever*

#text post #fnaf #godfirst #text #ddlg

the only difference between power lines and a fucking dank swing set is stone cold courage, a plank torn straight from your grandmas coffin and your little brothers he-man doll

#text #text post #ddlg

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

frat boy culture is nutting every time you see one of your bros score a three pointer

#text #text post #i hate my life

A Haiku

Drinking from the bong

We all sip up, but alas

Spider flavored lube

#text post #ddlg

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