*NONI - Queen of the Music Scene*

Suicide, Rape, Bully...these are all touchy topics. 

It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to speak out.

I hope if anything, that is what we learn from the show. That it is okay to talk about this topics. That it is okay to listen to those who need to talk. 

I am a “suicides survival” I don’t think any of my friends know. I don’t even think my best friend know. I tried my Freshman year of high school to drink handful of pills. Fear rushed in me, I quickly throw up. Maybe I was to scare, I chickened out. Forcing myself to throw up was not my weakest point. The moment I decided to swallowed those pills, that was my weakest point. I was not bullied in school. I was me in school and I was not afraid to show it. But home was a different story. My dad. My relationship with my mom. I never said this, and I hope this help someone. I tried to kill myself because I felt alone. I felt alone at home. I felt alone in school. My father left. My mom and I fought everyday. My dad rejected me. I tried not to show it. I laughed, I smiled, I joked, but I was alone. Something I still battle with today. But I would never forget one of my friend’s reaction. I don’t even think he remembers, but as soon as I confess to him, he turned red. I was confused. He started yelling at me, he was angry, that’s when I knew 1 person cared for me. A few months later I confess to my mom. We sat in the car in silent. She took my hand and in tears told me to never try that again. She told me it was okay to come to her and talk to her. She told me that it was just us 3 against the world. We could not let the world win this battle. This is my story.

I battle everyday with anxiety and depression. There are so many days when it is just easier to believe that i’s okay to shut it all off. That it is okay to just close my eyes. But then I would never enjoy those beautiful good days the world offers me. If I had died that day, I would have not gotten a chance to fly across country and watch my favorite band perform in their home state, in their first 8123 Fest. I would have never own my first puppy. I would have never fought with my sister about which dog sleep where. Heck I would have never signed up for Kickboxing.

Now whenever I get these attack, I cry. I let it out, I call my mom and just let her talk. She might not asked what triggered it, She might not ask why I’m feeling such away, she knows that’s not was I need. She just talks to me. When I’m back, when I’m calm, that’s when I tell her, if there is anything to say. Some times there’s no reasons for such attack but for the simple fact that it was stronger than me.

Rocks will always be thrown at us, we just need to know when to dodge them, when to catch it, heck, we can always throw one back. 

With this post I am going to pick on Hannah’s character a bit. While it’s 2:40 am and everything is still fresh in my head.

I felt for Hannah, the first time she was hurt, and the second, but I just didn’t understand why she always found herself with same group of guys? I mean I hope that in real life, when one guy does you wrong, you will stay away from him and his group of friends. I didn’t like the fact that she never gave herself a chance. She was so wrapped into what people thought of her that she lost herself before she could give pick herself up. I understand everything her classmate put her through, but why would she circle around?

I also felt like she contradicted herself a lot. For started, she sat and cried, over her friend’s rape, but she would not leave the scene of the Stop Sign because “the important thing to do was call 911.” She asked for help after her Rape but would not give a name. However, when the teacher advice her, (horrible advice) to move on if she was not going to rat them out, she felt betrayed (rightful so) and yells that he would just get away with abusing her; but she still won’t give a name, instead she leaves. Why?

The episode about the poems also bothered me. I understand how she felt betrayed, but at the same time confuse. She asked Ryan to teach her how to write because she was interested in becoming a poet. No problem, but the moment her chance to publish her work, she freaks out. Why want to be something, if at the end of day you’re to scare. This is like a singer not wanting to sing in public. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand why she was made. The dude did it behind her back, but isn’t that was she was inspired to be?

Still awake at 2:20am

Here’s where I had an issue with the show. 

I did not like the way the show was written. Maybe it’s the fact that I have not read the book, or that fact that it’s main targeting audience is Teenagers. I don’t know but I did not like how the show made me feel like these boys could have gotten away with anything. I don’t like how manipulative the boys made me feel. Of course that is not how it ends, I just feel like the show could have been written differently. Our actions have consequences and I feel like the show forget that.

While it was good hearing the stories for each of the kids, I would easily get distracted with “what kid did what?” It made it easy at times to forget about Hannah’s suicide. I think as Filmmakers and Writers, you would have a chance to use your power to make a difference, I would have loved to have seen the show in court. Show me that my action have consequences. Show me that I am responsible for why I treat others. Don’t let me hide. 

I’m sitting in my room at 2am, just finish watching 13 Reasons Why. It was hard to watch because I found it frustrating for so many reason. For creative, to realistic, to dramatize. I’m going to break this in parts.

Part A

Let’s talk these backlash about the show glorify suicide. Before I started the show, I stayed away from articles and friend’s post about the show. Now that I finish watching it I can see where the glorify comments come from. I agree with it in a way and disagree in another.

Suicide is not a east topic. We all know that, and I do see how the show glorify’s it. Maybe that was not the point, but when someone sits, plan out their death. In Hannah’s case, creativity tapes and nicely designing them. I mean heck, that looks like awesome way to go. You know, why leave a Suicide note when you can get artistic with it.

However, I also disagree with the comment. 13 Reasons Why did not glorify Suicide but it made it REAL and that’s the touchy part. High School Suicide rate is high. This show brought it to life. We see the struggle, the bullying Hannah went through. The abuse she suffer, we see her soul die one too many time. This happens in real life! The suicide scene, was hard to watch but I’m glad they did it because again, it made it REAL! The rape scene, broke my heart, and again it was REAL!! This happens. Shit happens in real life!!