Janine wanted to feel the calm that her father was trying to impart on her but she couldnāt pull herself from the torrent of anxiety, distrust, and anger that threatened to drown her. She knew her father, and she knew that he would make the right choiceājust like when heād chosen to ask her to leave. Just as he would again.
Ayaās expression filled with hurt, but understanding at her brotherās comment. She nodded.Ā āI knowā¦and really, all I want to say isā¦Iām so sorry, Janine.ā She turned back to her niece and met her wide eyed gaze. Even with everything sheād said in their initial meeting, she had never said her chosen name. This was the first time sheād ever used it.
āI have hadā¦many years to reflect on everything that happened. Years of my own making. In that time, I stubbornly and irrationally thought that I could carry the traditions of the Hayashi clan myself. But no matter where I went or what I didā¦it felt hollow. Empty. Wrong. In the end, I realized that it isnāt the creation of poisons or the controlling of chakra that builds the Hayashi clanā¦but rather, the people who do it.ā She continued to look between the two of them throughout this apology, but soon cemented her gaze on Janine.Ā āI didnāt understand and in many ways I still donāt. Butā¦I can no longer live a life that doesnāt include my family. My clan. My home. So whatever I can do to learn and serve, I want to. I may be your elder, but as the heiress, you are my superior. And you have grown up to be something amazingā¦Iām sorry I havenāt been able to be here for it. I wish to help you fulfill your destined roleā¦and for me to fill mine. I know I have no right to beg for forgiveness after everything Iāve done butā¦ā
With that, she sunk to her knees and leaned forward, placing her head on the ground. The ultimate sign of apology and giving oneself to the person before them.Ā āPlease. This is all Iāve ever known. And all Iāve ever wanted.ā
Janine was absolutely floored, staring unblinking at the figure grovelling before her. Thisā¦wasnāt what she had been expecting. She didnāt know what to doāwhat to feel. And as the silence hung, it was becoming clear that she would not, or more likely could not, respond.
Koga stood and listened as intently as he could to Ayaās speech, keeping his own eyes fixed on his sister as she spoke. It wasnāt until she sunk to her knees that Koga realised that he hadnāt been blinking, and he took a moment to turn his gaze away from Aya to his daughter.
It was when he did this that he realised just how young Janine looked in the wake of all this. Even Koga, who wasnāt the most clued-in of dads, could tell that Janine didnāt know what to say here, what to do. And he knew that it was up to him to do something.Ā
ā... Aya, stand up,ā Koga murmured, taking a step to stand between Janine and his sister.Ā āJanine was not raised the way that we were,ā he began,Ā āand apologies like this mean little. Very little compared to what they mean to us. So there is no point in grovelling to her.ā Koga wasnāt particularly thrilled at speaking for his daughter, and half expected her to butt in with an assertion of her ability to stand up for herself, but when it didnāt come he continued.
āYouāve done a lot to tell us why youāve come back. WhyĀ this is good for you, which is fine... but whatās the benefit for us? For Janine? You want a part in a family that you spoke incredible ill of, Aya... that you left. How can we be sure your promise is genuine?ā he asked.Ā