2001

something is shifting inside me

i have always been shamefully lonely and focusing my whole life energy on becoming less lonely, meeting new people, finding friends. i dont know if loosing the two people i considered my first real and best friends last year is the reason for this shift or just me coming to my senses but i want to stop forcing everything. i love the friends i got now but i cant stop feeling confined being around them and i know this might be the result of years long isolation but if im meant to be alone, then so be it. and accepting this feels not necessarily good but freeing instead. its making me want to try out new hobbies and deepen my passions and express myself exactly how i want without worrying about what anyone thinks