its a no win scenario.

as a woman you're always too young or too old for things because the perfect age is when you're a man

I love the phrase "they get along like a house on fire". It's perfect. You and me have perfect chemistry and it's setting off the carbon monoxide detectors. People are calling emergency services to get us to stop being so chummy. Someone died

saw an ant on the bus today, what a horrible fate. moved an unfathomable distance from everything you've ever known because of forces you could never possibly understand. no matter how long you follow the pheromone trail you laid you'll never find your way home.

Did the spider that made a web in my cars mirror survive being barreled down the highway at light speed? Can insects feel fear in a way we understand? If I think too hard about this I start wondering if this is what the other side of a lovecraftian story looks like. An ant lost on the bus.

surprisingly difficult pill to swallow: most people are not playing 8 dimensional mind chess and can be taken at face value

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.

girl will suffer unearthly tragedies and still run errands the same day with a smile on their face but if a mans parents divorce when he is 12 he will unleash his wrath on the world for the rest of his life

EXERCISE 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 FOR 👏 BURNING 👏 FAT 👏 IT'S 👏 FOR 👏MENTAL 👏 AND 👏 PHYSICAL 👏HEALTH 👏

mordecai with donut and carl is such an embodiment of that one post that's like "is that my..? fuuuuck that's my circus. and are those? dammit, those are my monkeys."

i feel like a big part of the appeal of dungeon crawler carl is that it is fundamentally a story where a man is told "through complex legal and technological processes we have completely fucked over the lives of you and everyone you care about to enrich ourselves" to which the man asks "what if i killed you with bombs" and it turns out the answer is they forgot that was an option