Well Done

Good year another bolg post 2016 wasn’t it boyos. We’ve got some great stuff that happened in it for example the heat death of the universe is another year closer. 

The Good

Great year yes what a great year thanks friends sorry if I forget you.

The Bad

Ok yeah so we’ve had some bad things happen. I can think of a few like the rise of facism is coming for is but its ok because it doesn’t count because when the year changes we all know everything starts fresh and non of the bad stuff that’s happened counts anymore at least we don’t have to do anything about it.

The Futile 

A fantastic result for United Kingdom. Old people everywhere are celebrating this joyous day - who having spent most of their lives - now feel a bitter sense of jealousy towards those who still have something to live for. Thankfully though, that sense of optimism is no more and the youth of today will experience the same level of misery as them, just on a much longer time scale. 

The UK is now travelling through the Atlantic Ocean at a reasonable speed towards the USA. Not only will this bring better geographical protection from EU migrants, it may also cause some sort of shift in the Atlantic conveyor belt that plunges us into an eternal winter. Whist this will this make our country uninhabitable, it does mean that nobody will want to migrate here, which is undoubtedly good news for Great Britain.

Scotland will also be leaving Great Britain. Plans are in place for a giant ice wall to be constructed along the remnants of Hadrian's Wall which will encourage tourists to the area. Bubonic plague is also going to be reintroduced to England in an exciting attempt to return to the “good old days” of medieval Britain. 

It was a crisp autumn morn on the farm that Louee resided upon and it was the day Louee was travelling to Iceland so he had set his rule britainia alarm nice and early. Upon waking, he whistled for his horse and rode to the breakfast table which is a land rover. They are ready to leave and then they fire up the fleet of Land Rovers and they ride to the school. 

There is Nee waiting and ready to see the land rover pictures, or so louee thinks she is. He has their wedding planned out. They would both drive into the church in separate Land Rovers whilst Jerusalem played and the queen would be there along with David Cameron and the ghost of Margaret Thatcher. 

Ok guys it’s your boy NigelFaragefan275. I’m going to tell you why I am indeed voting leave in the upcoming referendum.  I know a lot of you may judge me for my decision, however I feel that it is the right thing to do. 

It was in the year 92 AD when the first migrating dragons came over to the UK. In this period of instability, the legend of St Jorge was born. As the dragons made a habit of killing innocent Englanders, St Jorge decided that enough was enough. He grabbed his spear and rode to the dragons lair on his great stallion, knowing that it would almost certainly mean his death. On arrival to the place where these dragons lived, Jorge yelled “get out of my country” along with other famous war cry that are heard throughout the Daily Mail comments sections. The dragons appeared from the cave and were confused. “We are here legally,” they say, looking at St Jorge with disdain. “This is our country as much as it is yours”.

The dragon then explained that they had created the EU to allow free movement across Europe. It was an institution that allowed them to travel anywhere, pillaging and burning our pleasant lands as they please. St Jorge was then burnt alive, but not before he drove his spear through the lead dragon’s heart and proclaimed that he would reclaim his country…

Now St Jorge has been reborn as our great lord and saviour Nigel Farage, who, like St Jorge has vowed to take us out of the EU and remove Dragons from the UK forever. If you do not vote leave, you are not fit to call yourself English. You dishonour St Jorge’s great sacrifice and you should be deeply ashamed.