"Movie Reference."

Jeff: Hello?

LOOK AT ME NOW, DAD! HOW DOES IT TASTE?! HOW MANY SANDWICH PLACES DID YOU HAVE?! HA HA! NONE!

Abed: Are you real?

Death, so called, is a thing that makes men weep, and yet a third of life is spent in sleep? Open your textbooks to page 37. Now close them and throw them away. Throw it away! Hahahaha! Throw it away! For those of you who are new, the motto of this class: carpe diem. Seize the day. No tests, no papers. You want an A? Live in . . . the moment. . . Take off your shoes. Quick, take off your shoes. Everyone, take your shoes off, throw them away. Throw them across the room over there. Today we learn to walk! Get up and walk out the door. This day could be your last! You could die in your sleep. You could get hit by a bus. You, that mole is raised and dark, it's not a good combo.

Chang: In England, fanny means vagina, right?

Britta Perry attempts to capture the war's sublime indignities on film. Unfortunately for Britta, and million photographers like her, just because something is in black and white doesn't mean it's good.

Not liking Glee Club doesn't make us bullies. And implying that is reverse bullying.

I bet that pissed you right off, didn't it? Is that why you hit your wife? Withdrawn. Is that why you drink and pop pills? Withdrawn. Are you a virgin? Withdrawn!

Good morning. Many of you are halfway through your first week here at Greendale and, uh, as your dean I thought I’d share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration. What is community college? Well, you’ve heard all kinds of things. You’ve heard it’s loser college for remedial teens, twentysomething dropouts, middle aged divorcees, and old people keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity. That’s what you heard, however, I wish you luck! Okay, you know, uh-oh, there’s more to this speech. There’s actually a middle card that’s missing.

And for the record, I never thought you were cool. I only thought you were a lesbian.

Shirley: Britta, zoom in there. There's a clock on the wall.

Shirley: I'd like to introduce myself to the group. Hello! I am a dwarf named Zippadeedoo.

This is my show. It's about me, And all my friends on AbedTV. My happy place, Nothing but fun, Nothing but laughs and smiles and then we rerun. For those times when life's too hard to face, I'll find some happy in my happy place. Abed's Happy Community College Show is filmed before a live audience inside of my head.

I've already registered a website. It's, uh, H-T-T-P, colon, forward slash, forward slash, W-W-W, period, members, period, webplicity custom sites-- all one word-- period, C-O-M.

Britta: You may have noticed this morning, not so good at the small talk.

She's someone who died thinking I was a dick. I can never apologize. I can never change her mind. That makes me a dick forever.

Sixty dollars?! Hello? Rich people, Troy's joining you. Yes, I'll hold.