conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 54 (masterpost here)
Dick: Hood, please tell me you're available right now.
Jason: uh, hey, yeah i'm just puttin' fuel in my bike, all clear. are you ok? i thought you were off duty tonight.
Dick, struggling to hold back laughter: no no, i'm not on patrol and this isn't an emergency. i just got off the phone with B and needed to tell you what he just told me.
Jason: holy fuck what did the kids do?
Dick: *high pitched giggles*
Jason, already amused: which- which one was it? or did they team up?
Dick: *attempts to tamp down laughter* ok, ok hold on... *deep breath* you need to- Jason this one's really good, you need to prepare yourself.
Jason: i'm ready, give it to me.
Dick: so, Bruce just called me on my mobile phone, while i was in the middle of shopping for groceries, very angrily, so he could tell me that our two youngest brothers, our darling Duke and magnificent Damian, have gotten themselves banned from the Watchtower.
Jason, snickering: okaay? B bans them from everything all the time, it doesn't mean anything.
Dick, gleeful: no no, Jason you aren't understanding me here. when i say they're banned from the Watchtower, i don't mean Bruce grounded them for a week; i mean- *slight wheeze* i mean Clarkothy Kenneth himself has pulled Bruce aside and told him that Signal and Robin are no longer allowed on the premises,
Jason: *starts laughing, steadily increasing in volume*
Dick: -because they- *loud wheeze* *high-pitched* because they have proven themselves to be a danger to the Justice League.
Jason: *uncontrollable wheezes* what did they- what did they do?!
Dick: B said that- *cackling* *deep breath* B said that Barry used his super speed to win a- a thumb war, against Duke. and afterwards he said 'better luck next time, squirt', and i guess-
Dick: -yeah i guess Duke was already in a bad mood, and he didn't appreciate the condescending nature of the whole thing?
Jason: to be fair Barry can be- like he's the asshole uncle.
Dick: oh for sure. and he does it with Damian a lot, which i get why- it's understandable that seeing him do the same shit to Duke made Damian go like- ok well here's my chance to gain an ally.
Jason: in his- *wheeze* in his war against the Flash,
Dick: exac- *choking wheezes*
Jason, high-pitched, slightly muffled: so what- what did they do?
Dick: Bruce said- Bruce said they lured him into one of the outer rooms- *choking* they tried to- they tried to ej- *wheeze*
Jason, barely breathing: w-hat?
Dick, weeping: they tried to- they tried to eject him into space-, *broken wheezes*
Jason: *barely breathing* THEY- *silent gasps*
*silence for fifteen seconds, except for the sound of both men struggling to breathe through laughter*
Dick: n he- *whimper* Barry had to call Clark for help because they locked him in and then tried to open a fuckin' window; Duke said they wouldn't let him in again unless he won another thumb war, and when Barry said 'how am i supposed to do that if i can't reach your hand?' *cough* Damian- Damian went 'better luck next time squirt' and tried to decompress the chamber-!
Jason: i can't- *struggling to breathe* i can't-
Dick: *unintelligible weeping*
Jason: what is wrong with them?
Dick: i'm so mad we weren't that funny when we were their age,
Jason: like how do you even come up with that-?!
Dick, still giggling: they tried to kill the Flash, Jason. Bruce said he cried.
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