Secrets & Mysteries

Although they were never a couple, Mark Hamill recently reminisced on his initial crush on his co-star and close friend Carrie Fisher. He commented that he was glad he was unaware of her affair at the time with the married Harrison Ford, because  it would have caused jealousy.

“Carrie and I were attracted to one another, but I knew from previous jobs that it would have been a bad idea [to get involved with someone on set]. But Carrie and I found pretexts. I remember one time – I’m sure alcohol was involved – we were talking about kissing techniques. I said: ‘Well, I think I’m a fairly good kisser. I like to let the women come to me rather than be aggressive.’ And she said: ‘What do you mean?’ Well, next thing you know we’re making out like teenagers!”

LONG COMIC BOOK RANT INCOMING:

Okay some things need to be said:

1. If you’re going to write a smug thunk-piece about the “failure” of “diversity” in comics, maybe don’t use the cover image of a book that’s had 4 collections on the NYT graphic books bestseller list, won a Hugo and cleaned up at Angouleme. Just because you HOPE it’s on the chopping block, oh Riders of the Brohirrim, doesn’t mean it is.

2. I will tell you exactly why Ms Marvel works: it didn’t set out to be Ms Marvel. We were originally going to pitch it as a 10 issue limited series. I had a 3 issue exit strategy because I assumed we were going to get canned. There was no “diversity initiative” anywhere–getting that thing made at all was a struggle. It was a given that any character without AT LEAST a 20-year history would tank. Everybody, myself included, assumed this series was going to work out the same way.

3. That freed us–by “us” I mean the whole creative team–to tell exactly the story we wanted to tell. We had nothing to lose, nothing to overcome but low expectations. That gave us room to break a lot of rules.

STUFF THAT IS DIFFICULT TO REPLICATE AND IMPOSSIBLE TO PLAN:

1. Unexpected audiences. We are at a point in history when the role of religion is at a tremendous inflection point. What I didn’t realize was that the anxieties felt by young Muslims are also felt by young Mormons, evangelicals, orthodox Jews, and others. A h-u-g-e reason Ms Marvel has struck the chord it has is because it deals with the role of traditionalist faith in the context of social justice, and there was–apparently–an untapped audience of people from a wide variety of faith backgrounds who were eager for a story like this. Nobody could have predicted or planned for that. That’s being in the right place at the right time with the right story burning a hole in your pocket. Plenty of other stuff I’ve written and liked has fallen with a huge thud. That’s the norm. Exceptions are great when they happen, but hard to plan.

2. The paradox of low expectations. The bar was set pretty low for Ms Marvel, but because of Ms Marvel’s success, that bar got set much higher for similar books that came later.

STUFF THAT IS ENTIRELY AVOIDABLE:

1. This is a personal opinion, but IMO launching a legacy character by killing off or humiliating the original character sets the legacy character up for failure. Who wants a legacy if the legacy is shitty?

2. Diversity as a form of performative guilt doesn’t work. Let’s scrap the word diversity entirely and replace it with authenticity and realism. This is not a new world. This is *the world.*

3. Never try to be the next whoever. Be the first and only you. People smell BS a mile away.

4. The direct market and the book market have diverged. Never the twain shall meet. We need to accept this and move on, and market accordingly.

5. Not for nothing, but there is a direct correlation between the quote unquote “diverse” Big 2 properties that have done well (Luke Cage, Black Panther, Ms Marvel, Batgirl) and properties that have A STRONG SENSE OF PLACE. It’s not “diversity” that draws those elusive untapped audiences, it’s *particularity.* This is a vital distinction nobody seems to make. This goes back to authenticity and realism.

AND FINALLY

A lot has changed since art has become my full-time job. I used to only draw when I felt like it, now I have to draw even if I feel uninspired, or unmotivated. I had to learn to turn that switch off, and treat it like a job, and not as a hobby.

I also had to kiss my social life goodbye! As a freelance artist you are always working. I try to separate my art and life as much as possible, but I’m still surrounded by it. I still work all day, and I almost always take my sketchbook to bed to knock out a few more ideas before sleep. Days of the week don’t hold any meaning; whenever I go out on a Friday I wonder why there are so many people around. “Oh yeah, it’s Friday night. This is what normal people do.” As much as it is liberating, it’s also a bit alienating.

I also try to plan my jobs a year ahead. As a freelance artist you never know where your next job is going to come from, and you don’t want to be stuck for a period with no work, so I’m constantly lining up two or three jobs ahead, just so when I finish one I’m sure I’ll have something new to jump into. This too is bit is stressful.

There are a lot of amazing artists out there, and remembering this keeps me on my toes. I’ll never be the best, but I hustle and I always strive to improve myself. Things that help me stay on track are having a daily routine, getting up early, writing out a list every morning of the day’s goals, and always trying to find ways to be excited about what I’m working on. Lucky for me I am easily excitable, I love breakfast, and I love making lists.

What makes it worth it though, is I love drawing. I LOVE IT. I love making comics. I love starting a new page and buying new paper, ink and brushes. I love telling stories! I love the people I work with, I love the people I meet. I love thinking about the syntax and language of comics. I love esoteric discussions about the comic book industry. I love the opportunities I’ve had in life because of comics.

The second I stop loving it I will find something else to do. Comics are hard work. Comics are relentless. Comics will break your heart. Comics are monetarily unsatisfying. Comics don’t offer much in terms of fortune and glory, but comics will give you complete freedom to tell the stories you want to tell, in ways unlike any other medium. Comics will pick you up after it knocks you down. Comics will dust you off and tell you it loves you. And you will look into it’s eyes and know it’s true, that you love comics back.

I am totally comic’s bitch forever, but if the day ever comes that I stop loving comics, that will mean they have become unrewarding. Why draw comics if you don’t love them unconditionally? You’ll just become bitter. Ultimately that is why I draw comics: they are rewarding, and satisfying on a personal and emotional level. I still self-publish books because of this. If I wanted to make money I would have stuck with story-boarding and commercial art, but that’s not why I’m here. And by “here” i mean on Earth. 

of course. i was obviously quite honored to wake up to the news yesterday.  its a list of my heroes and i’m among the youngest on the list. but the lack of female presence certainly does not reflect the reality i live or work in.

i did not rush to withdraw my name at first because i have no idea who runs angouleme, i do not know who put this list together, and i have no idea what the agenda is. was it oversight?  was it a mistake?  i have so little desire to jump into an internet dust up just because somebody else is.  there’s way too much of that going on in the world. also to instantly slam down on someone(s?)  who, if i may be ‘cup half full’ for a second, was at least trying to celebrate this art form of which i have dedicated my life seemed rather rude of me.

i also thought being the youngest on the list with the least chance of winning, my self removal would be a VERY shallow gesture. if i remove myself does that mean they WILL put in a female creator?  would that creator want the ‘honor’ at this point? i couldn’t think of one female creator who would want it at this point.

then i thought; if everyone bails, i become president of angouleme by default, take the stage, read MY list of thirty female creators who i would pick in a heartbeat, and give it to them like Lindsey lohan breaking up the prom queen crown at the end of mean girls.

but as i drifted off to sleep last night i thought of my daughters.  my smart, strong willed daughters who will STILL have to fight for their equal rights and how they will STILL have to fend off some men treating them as objects before they can see them as individuals and how insane it seems to me.