Nucking Futs

Bucky snorted, pulling away from where he was kissing your neck, your pouty face looking back at him.

"Can you pleeease get the chocolate covered pretzels I hid under the bed" You smiled sheepishly. It wasn't a secret you had a little stash of snacks hidden in various parts of the room. Bucky discovered that when he went to grab his Henley from the closet and found a bag of m&ms tucked away between his clothes.

"Really baby? Right now?" He playfully rolled his eyes, ignoring how hard he was, reaching over and pulling the bag out, watching your face light up, giving him grabby hands.

"Can't help it, I've been craving sweet and salty stuff all day"

"I'll give you something sweet and salty" Bucky wiggled his eyebrows while you smacked his arm, grabbing a pretzel and moaning at the taste.

"Perv"

"Never thought I'd have competition with a pretzel"

"Chocolate covered pretzel" You corrected, your eyes nearly rolling back, practically whining a the way the chocolate melted. He looked at you quizzically, he'd seen you have cravings before but never this strongly. He wasn't at all jealous a stupid sweet and salty snack craving had cut into his spicy cuddle time with you.

"What else have you been craving baby?"

You thought for a moment, naming a foot long list of colorful combinations and a disturbing amount of chocolate. Some of the foods you didn't even usually like...

You hummed contently after satisfying your craving, giving your attention back to Bucky. He gave you a devilish smirk, pinning you down on the bed, his boner against your panties.

"I'll give you something to actually moan about baby"

3 orgasms later 

You snored softly cuddled against Bucky's body, his arm wrapping tightly around you. He pulled you closer to him, his hand snaking up to cup your boob, his favorite way to fall asleep. They felt...fuller. Bucky gave your breast a soft squish, careful not to wake you. He had your boobs in his hands, his mouth, face face at least twice a day, they were definitely a little fuller. In fact, they’d felt a little fuller for quite some time. Hm. 

Over the next two weeks your cravings hadn’t ceased. He’d quietly restocked all your little stashes without telling you, noticing tiny changes in your regular routines. You slept a little more. You were a little more clingy (which he loved, carrying his little koala everywhere). You didn’t seem to notice anything, nor did anyone else but Bucky did. And he had an idea of what it could be. 

You were fast asleep, curled up in bed in nothing but one of Bucky’s t-shirts, while he gazed down at your tummy. It had to be it, right? He carefully shuffled down, gently lifting your shirt, glancing up at you to make sure you were still asleep. 

When he concentrated, Bucky was able to hyper focus on his sense of hearing, courtesy of the serum and all his assassin training. These were one of the few moments he was thankful for it. He laid his head on your belly, hearing the teensiest faint heart beat that he’d never heard before. He wasn’t a doctor but it all added up. Your cravings. The ever so slight softness of your body. How your boobs were fuller. Bucky’s heart and mind raced at the same time. Would he be a good father? Would his baby love him? He’d dreamt of this moment before but now it was actually happening. 

"I know your in there" He whispers, narrowing his eyes at your belly. “Mommy might not even know yet, but I do” Bucky’s eyes flick up to you when you stir slightly, but remain asleep. “We’ll talk later, mama needs her rest” 

Bucky carefully pressed a soft kiss to your belly before coming up and holding you again, his heart fluttering because even though he was a little scared, this was everything he ever wanted.

It became a regular occurrence. Bucky always made sure you were fast asleep before laying his head on your tummy, quietly talking to the little peanut in your belly. 

“Do you care to explain why you make mommy crave ice cream at 3AM” Bucky whispered, rubbing his tired eyes after getting you some Ben and Jerry’s in the middle of the night. You’d fallen asleep immediately after, a content smile on your face. 

A number of conversations had taken place that month. 

“Mama doesn’t need chocolate covered oreos”

“Do you have daddy’s super hearing? I hope so, other wise I’m talking to myself” 

“I understand the ice cream, but the potato chip sandwich was a little weird today, don’t you think?”

“You’re going to be chunky, mommy going to keep you more than well fed” 

The entire month, Bucky couldn’t peel his eyes off you, your boobs were a little more plump and they were only going to get bigger. His cock got hard thinking about how gorgeous you’d look, pretty full breasts, your little one drinking from you....

Him drinking from you.      

“She’ll keep me well fed too” 

*****

“Y/n?” Bucky’s arms wrapped around your tummy, his head resting on your shoulder while you stirred some pasta, “What do you think about getting married?” 

“Hmm, I’d say if someone asked me” You giggled, pecking a kiss to Bucky’s nose, not noticing him nervously shuffling behind you, completely abandoning the garlic bread he was making. 

“Would you want to move in with me? Permanently?” 

“I already basically live with you Bucky, but it’d make it easier if I moved all my stuff over. Might as well” 

“W-what about having babies?” 

“I’ve always wanted to have two” You smiled to yourself, thinking about your dream family with little Bucky’s running around. 

“With me?” He whispered, a part of him worried you wouldn’t want that with him, given his past. You put the spoon down, turning to look at him while he bit his lip nervously. Your hand cradled his face, tracing over his scruffy beard. 

“Of course with you Bucky, why would you doubt that?”

“Are you sure?” 

You nodded, looking at Bucky curiously while his heart raced, he’d never asked you these questions before but you figured he should have already known the answer would have been yes. 

“Why are you asking me all this baby?” 

“Because...” Bucky hesitated, while you looked up at him, urging for him to continue. “You’re pregnant baby” 

“H-how do you know” You whispered, your heart racing, melting into Bucky’s arms while he held you close to him. You didn’t have your period for a while but you figured it was just coming later than usual. 

“I can hear the babies heart beat. When its really quiet, usually when you’re asleep” 

Your breath hitched in your throat while Bucky kneeled in front of you, kissing your tummy, tears streaming down both your faces. 

“I’m pregnant?” 

Bucky nodded, standing again so he could cradling your body close to his, kissing you all over. You wrapped your arms tightly around him, your heart full. 

“You’re pregnant angel, my sweet baby”

A few weeks later 

“C’mon, are you sure you don’t want any?” Nat smirked, taking a sip from her wine. You’d just arrived after your date with Bucky, the both of you joining the team for dinner afterwards. You shook your head, while Bucky smiled, kissing your temple.  

“I can make you a cocktail” Tony suggested, but you shook your head again. 

“Why not” Wanda pouted but you giggled, bouncing on your feet, clinging onto Bucky’s hand. The team eyed you both curiously while you took of your jacket, a series of screams and cries erupting seeing your little baby bump under your dress. 

“Cause I’m pregnant” 

Bucky grinned, his hands cradling your tiny bump while everyone enveloped you both in a giant hug. 

Bad day at work. I’m gonna be home late. I need a drink. A lot of them. Go to sleep without me, I’ll be home later, I just need to be alone. I love you.

You looked at the text on your phone then up to yourself over and over again in nervousness. You wanted to leave him alone, it was what you always did on his bad days when he came home upset. But giving him space never did anything, it only enabled him being upset for days on end, and it was hard for you to watch him struggle.

Today you tried something different. You wanted to make it about him. Everything was about you, what he cooked, what he did, even the bedroom, but not tonight.

You couldn’t help but remember him mentioning what magazines and girls the soldiers looked at back in the war, he even showed you an old magazine Steve had found. He was joking, only trying to show you memories, but the image was burnt in your mind. Solider Buck, hand in pants, starting at the girls he didn’t know in magazines.

Which is why you had on a semi long red dress with white polka dots. It was skin tight on your upper half, accentuating the size of your waist, and and it flowed waist down. It matched well with your red lipstick and soft makeup, along with your lightly curled hair.

You look like a girl in an old magazine.

When the door opened, you knew that was it, there was no turning back. You stayed still, trying not to let your overthinking get the best of you. You stayed seated on the counter, eating chocolate you had from a week back that Bucky brought for you.

His eyes were on the floor, but he tilted his head up at the realization of your presence, his eyes widening. He wanted to feel confused, but he was too amazed to feel it. You looked perfect, sprawled out on the kitchen island in a little 50s dress for him, “What are you wearing?”

“I found this in my closet,” you lied, knowing damn well you bought it days prior to surprise him. You dangled your legs over the edge of the counter, watching Bucky get closer, “Do you like it?”

“Yes,” he answered embarrassingly quickly, “You look beautiful.”

“I wanted to look pretty for you,” you smiled, grabbing chocolate from the tray and grabbing his arm to pull him closer. You grabbed his face with one hand and used your other to gently put the chocolate to his mouth. He opened his mouth slightly and grabbed the chocolate from your hand, watching you suck the residue off your fingers, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he smiled, not sure how to react. He was so used to silence and solitude when he had a hard day at work or on a mission, but this was a different feeling for him.

“How was work?”

“Bad,” he scoffed, brushing the hair from your face, “No body got hurt or anything, it was just a mistake I made. I kept insisting on something and it turned out I was wrong and we all just argued. It was annoying.”

“I’m sorry, Buck,” you frowned, leaning in to press a kiss to his frowned lips, “Maybe I could make you feel better.”

His eyebrows furrowed but quickly raised in realization when you grabbed the belt loops on his pants to tug him closer, “I just want to take care of my favorite soldier.”

He looked speechless, mouth slightly agape in hesitance. He wanted to, God, in your outfit he wanted nothing more than that, but he was so used to the bedroom always being about you. He loved it that way, he loved making every move about making you shake beneath him, it was all he wanted to know. But your offer was tempting, “Let me take care of you.”

He nodded softly, his eyes glistening as you went in to press a kiss to the end of his jaw, then prickle more to his neck. You sucked on his neck softly as you gripped the bottom of his shirt, which he was quick to remove. He grabbed your waist and kept you planted on the counter as he closed his eyes, enjoying your assault on his neck.

You jumped off the counter, standing in front of him and having him slightly press you into the counter. You kissed lower onto his chest, then took it upon yourself to kiss all the way down to his happy trail. When you reached it, you pressed your tongue flat against his abs and licked up, all the way to his neck and kissing his lips. He was quick to stick his tongue in your throat, which you accepted for only a moment before getting onto your knees.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Bucky mumbled, hoping you’d continue. He took your light scoff and continuations as a yes.

You unbuttoned his pants and grabbed them, pulling them slowly down his legs. You were quicker to grab his boxers and pull them down, revealing what you wanted. All ten inches of him stood straight up, tapping his stomach as your gingers grazed the base.

He grabbed the counters as you began stroking him underneath the table and gave him soft kisses, “What’s got you so hard, Buck?”

“You,” he responded fast, his breath uneven, “Your dress, fuck— You look so beautiful. If I saw you back in the 50s, I would’ve thought you were the most perfect girl I’d ever seen, just like now.”

You stood up and continued jerking him off, turning so you were in front of him. You wanted to see his face. You kissed his neck as you jerked faster, “Where would you have taken me on a date back then?”

“The movies, for sure,” he threw his head back as you collected spit on your palm and jerked him off stronger than before, “We would have kissed in the back— Fuck, that feels good— Taken you to get food after.”

“What would happen after the date?”

He realized what you were getting at as he closed his eyes, just imagining it, “Usually I’d wait to go back to my house, but I wouldn’t be able to wait with you— Oh, god, oh, jesus— I-I’d put you in the back of my car and shove my face in you, ruin you until you could never fuck another man again.”

He took a deep breath and let out a drawn out moan, his eyebrows furrowing in pleasure as you sped up, “I’d put you on top of me, let you ride me until you got what you wanted out of it. I’d fuck you so good.”

You felt yourself getting wetter at his words, and it was driving Bucky’s super senses insane, “I can smell you, fuck.”

He grabbed your waist and seperated you from him. He wanted to be delicate, but how could he when you looked so perfect? He found the buttons and accidentally broke a few, but undid them as fast as he could. He took no time to take the dress off of you, his breath stopping at the black lacy bra that had underwear to match. He put his hand out to trace the lace along the underwear, his hand stopping at your crotch. He cupped it slightly before you backed away, “This is about you, stop.”

“Don’t starve a man,” he whined, his eyes furrowing in desperation. He picked you up and sat you on the counter, spreading your legs as he watched you shake your head at his request, “Baby, do you want me to go crazy? I can’t cum until I eat you, be nice. I just want a little, just for a minute, okay? Then you can do whatever you want to me.”

“You’re like a starved dog, jesus,” you mocked, scoffing at him and letting him spread your legs. He always got what he wanted, and as good as it felt, you wanted to focus on him.

“You asked what I would have done to you in the forties?” He asked, sticking his hand into your underwear and rubbing you slowly, moving your wetness around to lube everything up, “I would have left that little dress on, and made you sit on my face. I’d want your smell on me for days so anytime I did anything, I’d think about what it felt like for you to hump my face.”

You breathed slowly at his confession, grinding onto his hand. He inserted two fingers, watching your mouth open as he did so. He stopped his fingers to let you adjust before moving them again, “You can’t even take my fingers— How am I gonna fit?”

His mocking tone was sending you over the edge, making your eyes close as he fingered you more rapidly, “What? Does that get you off? Me having to stuff you so full cause I barely fit?”

You moaned at his words, nodding rapidly as he fingered you at a quicker pace, “Look at you— Spread out for me with your slutty lace underwear— You look so fucking hot.”

He always made things about you when you did things, but he knew tonight you wanted him to get pleasure out of it all. He did something he was hesitant to do, but God did it feel good.

He rubbed himself slowly against your thigh as he fingered you, grinding on you like a dog in heat. You looked down, letting out the most unbelievable moan at the sight, making his eyes widen, “When you moan like that, I swear I could cum just humping you like a teenager.”

You arched your back and grabbed his arm, shaking your head, “Bucky, just fuck me, please.”

He removed his hand from your underwear and stuck his fingers in his mouth, moaning around them as he closed his eyes, licking up every drop he could, “You taste so good, look.”

He brought his fingers to your mouth and watched you take them in, tasting yourself. You hallowed your cheeks around him as he spoke, “You look like such a whore like this— Tasting yourself on my fingers. You’re meant to be fucked when you taste that good.”

He grabbed your underwear and turned it to the side, keeping on the sexy lace as he ran his dick over your wetness, making your body shiver. He stuck his head inside of you, then was slow to stick the rest of him in as well. When he was fully buried, he waited til you looked adjust to flip the both of you over, so you straddled his waist, “Ride me.”

You lifted yourself up before planting yourself back down, “Bucky— You’re so deep, fuck.”

You kept bouncing up and down, the sight of your tits jumping with you sending Bucky into overdrive, “I want you to cum inside me, Bucky, please.”

His eyes clenched shut at your words as he nodded, nearly busting at the words you just said, “I’ll fuck all my cum into you, baby, I promise.”

“Take what you want, milk me, God,” he moaned as you grinded on him, spelling your name with your hips. You grabbed your own chest, grabbing your nipples through your bra, “You’re so worked up, look at you— Greedy and fucked out— I could just fuck you whenever I wanted cause you’re always so wet for me.”

You nodded, bouncing faster and leaning down a bit to look at him, “You should— Fuck me whenever you want. When I’m cooking, showering, reading, just come and fuck me. I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“You sound like such a slut when you say that,” his eyebrows knit together, his hand coming to yo ur face. You grabbed his thumb and stuck it in your mouth, “You’re so unreal.”

Your body winced as you continued riding him, “I’m cumming, oh god, oh my fucking god—“

“Cum for me,” he mumbled, knowing he was on edge too. You moaned before you collapsed on him, but right when you did, you felt something in you happen.

He let go and you felt ropes of cum endlessly paint your insides. It was never ending, the serum had made him cum for minutes on end. You were getting so full of cum, “Bucky, you’re filling me up so much, it’s leaking.”

“Take it,” he moaned, feeling the last few drops leak out of you as he pulled out.

He flipped you on your back, his eyes now on your lower half. He nearly came again at the sight of your wet pussy leaking his cum, it was dripping out so much.

He put his finger inside of you, shoving all the cum left into you harder. You shivered at the sudden overstimulation he was causing since you just came, “What are you doing?”

“Making sure you don’t waste any,” he smirked, taking his finger out and grabbing all the cum that had dripped out and bringing it to your mouth. You took it all, drinking his cum off his fingers as you grabbed his hand, looking at him.

She took a deep breathe in and out, “let’s go into the living room”, she made her way towards the living room. All you could hear was the sound of her shoes hitting the floor. “Here we are little love, this probably going to be where you spend most of your time”.

she stopped for a second, “well you’re not going to have much of a choice, are you, you’re going to get hungry while mama is watch her show and if mama is sitting on couch then little love is on the couch with mama”. She heard the door open, “Cherry?”

“In the living room”, she whispered yelled making sure not to wake up the sleeping baby in her arms. She heard Bucky’s foot steps getting closer. “You started the tour without me, Cherry?”, she turned to look at Bucky. “You were taking too long so little love decided to start it without you”, she shrugged as a little secret smile began to form on her face. She stared at the sleeping baby. “Isn’t that right little love? It was your idea to start the tour without daddy”, she cooed gently touching the sleeping baby’s cheek. She was so happy.

Bucky just stared in awe at the strong woman in front of him. He just couldn’t believe how far she’s come. He was so in love with her, how could he not? She made him the luckiest man, gifted him with the greatest gift of all, love. “Of course it was, my love”, he smiled as he walked towards her and put his arms around her from behind and placed his chin on her shoulder. They stood there staring at the living proof of there love for each other. “Do you think little love knows how loved she is”, she whispered.

“I’m sure little love feels it”, he squeezed her tight and lightly kissed her neck as if he was afraid he’ll lose her…again. “I didn’t”, she sadly whispered.

he hugged her tighter, giving her light little kisses where he could reach. “Let’s go sit on the couch, yeah” they walked to the couch, him still holding on to her, he let go for a moment to help her get comfortable on the couch with the sleeping baby then he wrapped his arm around them both.

She started sniffling, “I’m here, I’m here and I love you”, Bucky said as he scattered kisses on her face. “I love you”. She just stared at the little human and felt an overwhelming wave of happiness. “she’s part me and part you”, she said as if she had just unlocked the secret to happiness, in a way she did.

“Well, I was deep inside you”, he smirks as he heard her laugh. He loves when she laughs, he holds on to that sound tight to his heart “I was part of you too and you were a part of me in that moment”.

“Which makes her a part of us”, He kissed little love’s head and kissed his love’s head.

“My little love”, her smile brighter than the sun.

"Hi, honeypie!" you exclaim as your reach the end of the staircase, extending your arms towards the baby as she makes grabby hands of her own. You take her from Francine and she immediately begins to play with your hair.

"Who's this?" you ask Francine as you continue to play with her.

"Lily. She's my granddaughter," she tells you proudly.

"Francine! You're a grandma? You have to tell me what you do for your figure!" You tease her playfully.

"Oh hush, Miss." She says with a radiant laugh. "I was just dropping off the flowers and then I was going to take her back home. Her mum isn't in town so I have her for the week. Little Miss cried all morning," she says gently pinching Lily's cheek.

"No, don't take her back! I'll watch her for the day!" you plead enthusiastically.

"Oh no, Miss, I can't ask that of you,"

"Please, Francine?" you ask with your biggest puppy dog eyes, hugging Lily as she babbles incoherently. "We'll have so much fun! Plus, you'll be here the entire time."

"You're both such adorable troublemakers," she says as she walks off to do her job, leaving you and Lily to your fun.

Spending time with Lily made you realize just how lonely you really were.

Bucky was busy and away most of the time, rightfully so. It was his job. The both of you had gotten a little closer since the other night when you had told him how you felt about him coming home late all the time. He truly was doing his best to keep his promise but he couldn't deny his duty.

Luckily, Lily didn't complain even once. She was a happy baby. Francine gave you her bag before she left and you fed Lily and she ate contently.

Just then Sam, Bucky's right-hand man and best friend walked into the room. You were laying on the floor observing the Lily's facial expressions as she intently studied her toy.

"Who's this little princess?" he asks as he makes his way towards you, laying down next to you as Lily gives him a big smile. He holds his finger out to her and she grabs it instantly.

"Francine's granddaughter, Lily," you tell him with a smile. Sam was a good man, you'd become good friends with him over the few months that you'd moved in. His banter and bickering with Bucky never failed to put a smile on your face.

"Francine's a grandma?" he asks incredulously.

"I had a hard time believing it too!"

"Gamma!" Lily babbles as she recognizes her grandma's name.

"Yes! Gamma!" you exclaim as you scoop her up in your arms to take her out to the garden.

"Buck'll be back in a bit," Sam informs you. "He told me to remind you to eat because you forget sometimes and that he's already eaten so you don't need to wait up,"

"Sure, thanks Sam," you respond, your cheeks going warm at the thought of Bucky's concern.

Bucky was confused to see the plethora of toys scattered on the living room floor as he walked in. He scanned the house for you and called out when he couldn't find you.

"Y/N?"

"In the backyard!" you respond.

Bucky had had a long day today. His meetings had run longer than they were supposed to and he was tired of dealing with everything.

But somehow after seeing you and the way you were interacting with the child in your arms made him forget all the weight he was carrying on his shoulders.

"Hi," you say softly as he walks towards you.

"Hey, who's this?"

"Francine's granddaughter. She's adorable, isn't she?"

"The most." he replies with a smile. "May I?"

You nod, hiding your surprise. Lily makes grabby hands at him as he picks her up, babbling at him.

"Hey, sweetpea," he coos softly as she looks up at him with wide, curious eyes. "Do you like the flowers?"

"It's getting late, you wanna head inside?" you ask him.

"Gaa!" she exclaims in agreement.

He makes a mental checklist to buy out every toy store in town right then and there.

"Sure, c'mon."

Just as you close up the backyard, Francine heads towards you, done for the day. The surprise on her face is evident as she watches the most dangerous man in New York interact lovingly with a baby.

"Was she good all day?" she asks you.

"The best. You oughta leave her with me more often!" you laugh.

"Oh, I'll be sure!" she says taking Lily from Bucky.

"Do bring her by more, Francine," Bucky says. "She's a real doll."

"Yes, Mr Barnes, most definitely!"

Just then, Bucky receives a call and he excuses himself.

"You're changing him," Francine says suddenly.

"What?"

"You're good for him, Miss. I've never seen him like this before. It's you."

You almost cry at her words as you walk both her and Lily out.

"Thank you, Francine." you whisper.

She responds by simply giving you a warm smile.

"Bye bye, honeypie! Come back to play with Auntie Y/N soon! " You say as Lily waves back at you enthusiastically.

Later that night, you told Bucky everything about your day with Lily as you began getting ready for bed and he listened to you with intent and admiration.

"I liked the way we were today," you say at the end, your entire body heating up. "And thank you for asking Sam to check up on me. It was really sweet."

"Of course, doll. I care about you."

He cares about you

"I care about you too, Bucky."

"Sweet dreams, doll," he says, the smile evident in his voice as he turned off the light.

Sweet dreams indeed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day everything changed started out like every normal day. Morning light streamed into your bedroom, warming your skin. You rolled over, arms reaching out to cuddle with your boyfriend. You nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck, his laughter rough from just waking up. He rubbed your back, placing his chin on top of your head, pressing gentle kisses on your hairline. 

“Babe, we need to get up.” He whispered gently, twirling strands of your hair between his fingers. You groaned, leaning your head back, shaking it. 

“No we don’t, we can just stay in bed all day and sleep.” He chuckled, shaking his head, sitting up. You followed, grumbling under your breath, once more dragging laughter out of your boyfriend. He got dressed, his metal arm whirring as he pulled on a sweatshirt. You donned sweatpants and an oversized shirt, smirking as Bucky recognized what you were wearing. 

“Is that mine?” He pointed at the shirt, a soft smile spreading on his face. You crossed your arms, innocently looking to the side. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You giggled as Bucky chased you around playfully, catching you as you ran to the kitchen. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to his chest. Both of you took a moment to catch your breath, laughter filling your lungs. You smiled as Bucky kissed your neck, releasing you from his grip. You opened the fridge, rummaging for anything that could be eaten as breakfast. You were about to ask Bucky if he wanted some cold orange chicken for a nutritious first meal when his phone went off. You looked over to see him answer the call, his face solemn and stony. He looked at you and mouthed an apology. You nodded, understanding. He sped out the front door, not before pressing a kiss to your cheek, the door locking automatically behind him. You sighed, grabbing a bowl and pouring some cereal along with milk in it. You walked around for a few minutes, bare feet on the cold floor, munching on the Cheerios as you pondered what you were going to do. Maybe read a book or finally start that Netflix show that had been sitting in your watchlist for months. Just as you grabbed the remote, balancing your bowl in one hand, you noticed something on the floor. Scrunching your eyebrows in confusion, you took one more bite of your cereal before setting it down and walking over. Your eyes widened as you realized what it was. 

Bucky’s journal. 

You picked up the notebook, running your finger down its spine as you bit your lip. Thoughts ran through your mind, telling you to read it. You shook your head, placing the journal on the coffee table, making your way back to your cereal. But as the show started, all you could think about were the contents inside that small book. Rolling your eyes and groaning, you got up to grab the notebook. You paused your show, biting the inside of your cheek as you hesitantly opened the journal. What you saw made you collapse on the couch. 

“Oh, Bucky.” You murmured as you read the names. The names of the victims of the Winter Soldier. You knew how he was making amends, how he was trying to atone for actions that weren’t his, how he- wait. Was that-? Your breath started to pick up as you saw your brother’s name, a side note next to it. 

In Progress. 

Tears blurred your vision as you slammed the journal shut, shaking your head. 

“Y/N…” a soft voice made your head shoot up to see Bucky Barnes standing in front of you, a scared look on his face. You hardened your expression, leaning on your knees as the journal hung limp in your hands. 

“Tell me,” you swallowed, fear tightening in your throat, “Tell me this doesn’t mean what I think it does.” Bucky broke his gaze from yours, looking up towards the ceiling. 

“Why did you read it?” he whispered to himself, his voice breaking. You slammed the journal down on the couch beside you, standing up furiously. 

“Tell me!” You yelled, fists clenching and tears welling up in your eyes. Bucky nodded, still not making eye contact. You take a step forward, lips trembling. 

“Buck-” Your broken voice seemed to break something inside of him. He threw his hands up in the air, a pained cry springing from his lips. 

“I killed him! I killed your brother, Y/N and I am trying to-” Your laughter interrupted him, confusion spreading across his face. You shake your head, laughing. 

“You think that’s why I’m angry? My brother’s death I’ve had years to mourn and don’t you even think about blaming yourself for it. You were brainwashed, James.” Bucky flinched at the use of his name, your cold tone indicating how angry you were. 

“I’m mad,” your voice trembled, tears streaming down your face, “because in that journal, that stupid journal, it says ‘in progress’ next to his name. Is that what I am to you? What this is? A way for you to feel better about yourself?” Bucky shook his head rapidly, stepping towards you, his heart breaking as you stepped back. You pointed a finger at him, recalling the first time you met. 

“That day in the library, why did you approach me? Did you know I would be there?” Bucky was silent before he nodded, that simple response made your stomach drop. You let out a sob before you picked up the journal, sniffing as you nodded to yourself. 

“So this,” you gestured to the space between you and Bucky, looking down at the ground, “This is just another way for you to make amends? I’m just another name in your journal to cross out? Oh god, has this all been a lie?” Your hands started to shake, making you drop the journal as you wrapped your arms around yourself. Bucky hurried to stand in front of you, reaching up to cradle your face in his hands. His head was shaking rapidly, tears falling down his cheeks as he spoke. 

“No, no, Y/N, this is real, this has always been real, please-” You pushed him off of you, pushing the journal into his chest as you ran to your room. You grabbed a bag, stuffing any piece of clothing you saw in your closet which was yours. Bucky appeared in the doorway, trembling at what he saw. 

“What, what are you doing? No, please Y/N, come on, please!” He wrapped his arms around you, your back to his chest as you both sobbed. You struggled in his arms, hitting the vibranium in tune with your cries. 

“Let me go!” You cried out, desperate to get out of the house. Bucky shook his head, desperate to keep you in his arms. 

“No, baby, please, this is real, please believe me.” He whispered into your hair, his tears dampening your head. Softly, you pushed yourself out of his arms, turning to face him. You saw the smallest flicker of hope flash inside his eyes. You let out a laugh stained with tears. 

“You know, I thought I was so lucky. Bucky Barnes actually wanted me, me, a washed up history major with little to no future. I mean, what are the odds of running into an Avenger while browsing for books?” As you continued, you saw Bucky’s face drop as he realized what you were saying. 

“I’ve loved you since the beginning James. I almost had a heart attack when you asked me out to a movie. I thought I was so special but I guess,” you choked on your tears, biting down on your lip, “I guess I never was. This can’t be real, James, you obviously don’t go around dating relatives of victims, so you never meant for this to happen.” You grabbed your bag, sobbing as you remembered how this morning started and now how it ended. Bucky stood still, his chest heaving as he quietly sobbed. 

“Please.” he whispered, the sound enough to further break your heart. You stood on your toes, pressing a tear stained kiss to his cheek. 

“I’m sorry, Bucky, but I can’t be with someone just because they feel guilty about something in the past.” You start to walk away, pausing in the doorframe, looking over your shoulder. 

“I, I love you James.” You whispered quietly, unaware if he heard you or not. After that, you sped out of the house, not paying attention to where you were going but only focusing on the fact you had to get away. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky stood in the bedroom for what felt like hours. He held his journal in his hand, trembling as the weight of what transpired hit him. He grabbed a pen and roughly opened the journal. With dark, heavy, and messy strokes he crossed out your brother’s name, tears falling and mixing with the ink. He threw the journal down, collapsing against the edge of the bed, head falling between his knees as he sobbed. It was real, he kept reminding himself. It was real, it was real, it was real. He took deep breaths, leaning his head back against the mattress before quickly standing up and running out of the house. 

   “Please close your eyes.”

   “Princess…”

   “You promised you would!”

   “I just got finished turning you over and e-”

   "Bucky!"

   "Alright!"

   You snuck out of the bathroom slowly, consciously smoothing down the dress over your sides and stomach area after every step. When you made it around the corner into your bedroom you turned to the mirror to assess yourself before you told Bucky it was okay to look. 

   The mirror in the bathroom wasn’t long enough to see your bottom half so you were looking at it for the first time. You turned back and forth, obsessing over the fit of the dress in your floor-length mirror tugging it down then back up, back down again, going back and forth with the cleavage. You were so focused that you hadn’t noticed Bucky had opened his eyes and had snuck more than just a peek.

   “Fuck.”

   You shrieked catching him staring in the mirror's reflection and scrambled for the closest thing to you, which was a towel, and pressed it to your body. “Buck!” You scolded. "Don't do that.”

   "I'm sorry.” He laughed. “I’m sorry I looked. Come on, show me the dress. I'm dyin' to see it, baby girl." He said, pushing aside his burgeoning desire to say something so filthy that it would turn this cute dress-up session into a toe-curling bed-wetting session of something else.

   You swallowed nervously. Tinkering toward the conclusion that maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Why would he even want to see you try on these stupid clothes anyway? Besides the fact that he asked. He probably wasn’t even all that interested and was just partaking to be polite. Even though he was more excited than I was. Obviously, you should just scrap the whole thing. Dress and yourself included.

   “Show me.” Bucky said, decisive and final like you had no choice. “I wanna see you.” He added, softly.

    You whined at the feeling he evokes again so quickly, butterflies in your stomach and the fuzzy warm feeling that enveloped all your senses so quickly it struck you like lightning. You shyly stood up, tossing the towel. “So?” Was all you could stutter out under his gaze.

   He was starstruck for a few moments, utterly speechless but with so many thoughts, only a third of them PG, that his mind got cluttered. But his eyes spoke. With every lingering look over your exposed legs, goosebump covered arms, sweet thighs, inviting cleavage - every glance said something, too much.

   “Bucky… quit it.” You mumbled, embarrassed.

   He sighed. “You just don’t get it, do you?” He mumbled more to himself than you but you’d heard it anyways.

   You started and then stopped yourself from poking and prodding further, asking what exactly he meant by that. “I should return it, huh? I don’t think it’s something I’d ever really wear out. Especially not today.”

   Bucky rolled his eyes standing up to stretch, and in the reflection you watched his plain white t-shirt lift as he did so, exposing his lower abdomen. He felt your stare and took a few extra moments letting his shirt come down. “You’re trying to get me riled up.” He observed, cracking his neck leisurely in both directions.   

   “What? I am not, You’re the one that asked to see the dress!”

   “If I tell you all the things I think of you in that dress...” he trailed off laughing, “We’ll never see the light of day. You know that.” He stopped. “You should know that.”

   “I know that we’re gonna be late.” You hate that you try to detach so quickly when he’s like this, persistent and flirty like that, trying to make his attraction known, as obvious as could be. Someone who operated normally wouldn’t still be questioning whether he was or wasn’t. Especially not after last month, especially not after what he did to you, what he does to you. But still you did and it bothered him to no end. 

   “The movie can wait.” He griped, closing in on you. “Everything can wait.” He pressed his chest against your back and lets his arms circle your waist, dipping his head low to brush his lips against your earlobe. “How many times have I told you that?”

   “Bucky it’s-

   “How many times?” He asked again pressing you tighter, “How many times do I have to tell you I’d make everything stop for you? Just for you.” He nipped your ear while his palm slid up your stomach sliding against the skin tight fabric quickly. He stopped right under your breast, tapping into all of his resolve to stop himself from copping a feel. “Bells keep saving your ass.” He said before pecking a kiss to your cheek and pulling away. “Let’s not be late, huh?”

   You had arrived at the Movie theater with just enough time to get snacks before the previews started, which you had to explain to Bucky was half of a fulfilling viewing experience. Being that that the showing was matinee because he just couldn’t stomach the hectic atmosphere the lines were nonexistent almost.

    “What do you want, pumpkin?” Buck asked as you joined a line.

   “I thought we could share a popcorn?”

   “I was gonna do a couple hotdogs.”

   “We’re going to eat right after this, Buck.”

   “In three hours. No way you want me to hold on that long, baby. Have some humanity.”

   “No, because you’ll eat those hotdogs and then make me eat by myself when we get to the restaurant.” You complained. 

   “That’s not true. You just want me to get an appetizer, a - what do they call it?” He snapped his fingers trying to bring it to memory.

   “An entree?”

   He nodded his head at that, “And a plate of food then you want me to help you destroy a few bread baskets. Nobody has that much goddamned room in their stomach.”

    “Next in line!” The woman behind the counter called, you and Bucky bickered as you moved up to the counter. “What can I get you today?” You looked away from Bucky momentarily to greet her with a smile. 

   “Can we get a...” You trailed off noticing her wandering eye. She started at his fingertips, his hand laid atop the glass counter and they kept traveling; up his arms, biceps and then his face, licking her lips. Your stomach churned as she continued to check him out not so discreetly.

    “Baby...” Bucky prompted. 

   You shook it off and continued, “A Coca - Cola Slushie, a large Orange soda, a large popcorn and a hotdog please.”

   “Absolutely.” She sang tapping away on the screen, looking between you when she finished then settling on Bucky. “Anything else?”

   “No, that’s all.” Bucky answered fishing through throwing his wallet and handing over two twenties. Taking the money she let her hands graze his a moment too long. You don’t know if he didn’t notice, or refused to but as soon as she placed the Slushie cup on the counter you dashed to the machine to fill it. Another moment standing there and you’d projectile vomit behind the snack counter.

   Bucky looked at you curiously but he stayed at the counter to collect everything and got pulled into small talk with the cashier. What movie are you guys seeing… extra butter? Yes… that one’s been pretty popular. All innocent but all you saw was him immersed in conversation that you couldn’t hear all the while you pulled yourself further away because you didn’t want to hear.

   “You have a good one too, thank you.” He finished scooping everything up into his arms. I think our theaters that way!” He points wiggling his head to the other side as he got closer, trying to hand off everything to you so he could fill his drink. You stood still, unmoving in your spot, clutching your drink. “Doll?” Bucky asked coming a bit closer, “You okay?”

    “Mhm.” You squeaked, taking everything.

   “Okay...” He turned and filled his cup, ice and Coke, changing his mind last minute like always. 

   You tried to calm your suddenly haywire nerves by taking a calm look around. People online buying their tickets, a short line forming at the snack counter, and kids running around the arcade area. Then just by chance, your eyes swept over a woman who must’ve been accompanying some of the kids in the machine she was standing by, checking Bucky out. You gulped taking a look at Bucky trying to see what she would from her perspective. In her defense he was a sight to behold even if only from the back. His broad shoulder, back muscles that peeked from underneath his sweater, thick thighs in his jeans. Have some shame at least, you thought looking away from her and taking a handful of popcorn to distract yourself.

    As soon as you saw that Bucky had finished filling his cup and fitted the lid on, you shot across to the other side of the theater, slowing some only when you were reaching the door of your theater so Bucky could catch up and hopefully think you were just having a temporary shortage. “It’s 8, right?” You asked as if you hadn’t just raced yourself.

   “Yeah... Can you get that for me, sugar?” He motioned toward the door as you met it. You hold the door open for him and start through but stopped pouting his lips, fishing for a kiss. Just as he did, in the corner of your eye you saw the familiar pattern of that woman’s sweater that was taking eyefuls of him moments ago.

   You look down pushing him inside by his hips. “We’re already late because of you.” You lead him to your seats easily and took a quick look around tge theater which was littered with only a handful of people.

   After you both settled in, Bucky, still holding all the food, leaned over. “Did you just dodge my kiss outside?”

   “What? No.” You denied silencing your phone and stuffing it in your purse then you reached for the popcorn and hotdog just so he could empty his hands but he pulled away.

    “Yes you did.”

   “I did not. I just didn’t want to miss any previews.”

   “Sure.” You separated the food, Bucky taking his hotdogs and drink and you taking the popcorn. Everything else went smoothly for the movie except Bucky didn’t really pay attention to a damn thing that happened. He was more so concerned with you, what you were and weren’t doing. You were acting weird, and he was more interested in why than anything the film could offer.

   “So how’d you like it?”  You asked as you exited the movie, hand in hand but Bucky a little behind.

  “It was fun. Did you like it?”

   “Yes! I hope it’s not gonna be a thing where I have to wait ten goddamn years for a sequel. That’s gonna piss me off.”

Bucky happily listened to your ramblings as he walked you back through the lobby past the snack counter, and you stopped spotting the same cashier who you now had time to look at closely, was gorgeous, admiring Bucky again then going to tap her coworker to direct her stares to him too.

   Suddenly Bucky pulled you closely into his side. “What are you doing? Pay attention, you almost bumped into that.” He scolded. 

    “Sorry.” You mumbled. 

    “What were you looking at?” He asked turning his head to where you were just looking but you took his chin in hand and turned it back toward you.

    “Nothing!”

    “What is going on with you today?”

    “What’s going on with you today?” You countered.

    “Come on.” Bucky took your hand and walked you both towards the entrance, holding the door for you as you exited. You took one last glance through the glass and cursed yourself. You had to get a grip.

   When you got to the restaurant half an hour later Bucky was convinced something was wrong. Ever since you had gotten to the movie theaters you had been acting weird, not yourself at all and not to mention you dodged his kiss. What the hell was your problem? He studied you closely on the drive over, taking the chance to examine you at every red light, watching you while you waited to be seated and eventually while you were led to your table by your host not even hiding how pleased he was with the view of you from behind.

    “Look at me.” He demanded, pushing your menu down, which you had been using to hide your face from him since you both sat down.

    “What? I’m trying to figure out what to order.”

    “You have an attitude. Did I do something to upset you? Something I said?”   

   Your eyes widened and you threw your menu down, reaching for his hand. “No! Of course not.”

   “So what’s going on with you?”

   You avoided his eye, looking down at hand, playing with his fingers, almost twice the size of yours. “Noth-”

   “Don’t lie to me.”

    “I- I-” You stammered.

    “Hello, how are you guys today?”

    “Were good!” You answered, entirely too enthusiastic to have an excuse to get away from him. Your saving grace was your waitress for the afternoon, a curly girl, tanned dark skin and a beautiful smile. “We are so great.”

    She chuckled, “Glad to hear it. Can I start you folks off with some drinks?”

    “I’ll take a Shirley Temple?”

    “Yeah, I’ll take that too.”

   “I thought you wanted to try a Margarita from here.” You whispered but Bucky cut his eyes at you, obviously upset with you ducking him, effectively quieting you.

   “Any appetizers?”

    “I’ll have a Shrimp Scampi.” You ordered, shrinking into yourself.

   “Okay.. and you?” She asked Bucky and you were sure it was as innocent as could be because she was doing nothing but her job but for some reason your stomach turned painfully every time she looked at him too long. Jesus Christ, get a grip, you quipped.

    “Are you guys ready to order?”

    You didn’t answer because you had floated off, you too were now wondering what was going on with you. Every woman was suddenly flirting with him? Dodging his kisses because of an onlooking stranger? What the hell did that even mean?

   “No, we’re good. Thank you.” Bucky answered for you.

    Bucky watched you descend into your inner thoughts from across the table. You had zoned out, biting your nail absentmindedly. He knew how you were. Four going on five months of learning you had let Bucky know that you would never say what was bothering you, not unless it was squeezed or threatened out of you. If he hadn’t applied so much pressure last time you would’ve allowed the tension between the two of you to just swallow you whole without so much as a word. “Y/N.”

   “Hm?” He reaches across the table taking your chin in his palm.

   “If you don’t tell me why is wrong with you I’m going to fuck it out of you and you’d better hope I don’t do it in the middle of this restaurant. So while I’m sure you’d like it just as much as I would, I’m not in the mood to be a registered sex offender today. Spit it out.”

    You shrugged, “I don’t know.”

   “You don’t know?”

   You shook your head about to sit back but he holds steady. “You don’t know?” You met his eye, the first time you’ve done so since the theaters and shook your head, he knew you were being honest and stroked your check before letting go. “I’m going to need a little bit more than I don’t know. You know something.”

   You sighed deciding that Bucky didn’t deserve this. He deserved a fun, happy date and if not that at least one who could articulate what was wrong with her. “I’m fine, really.” You sat up, putting a smile on. “Forgive me?“

   Bucky laid his hand out on the table, palm facing up. “Nothing to forgive.” The mood picks up for a bit and you and Bucky pick up conversation about little odd things, any and everything. By the end of the night you were sure you had scrubbed your earlier antics from his mind. The food was amazing and you and Bucky had decided to come back again to try other things.

   You were almost your normal self on the ride back, Bucky observed. Chattering about whatever you could pull from the corners of your mind; the dog you saw from the window in passing, telling him that you had to go grocery shopping soon, that you wanted ice cream, should’ve gotten dessert at the restaurant, that new Netflix movie.

   You thought you had gotten away with it and had decided when you got some alone time you’d sort through whatever today was. You would get to the root and deal with it when you could think clearly, when Bucky wasn’t clouding your brain. You’d really thought you’d get away with it and you realized how untrue that was when you only seconds after entering your apartment, were being dragged to the sofa and pulled onto Bucky’s lap.

   “Enough beating around the bush.”

   You snorted, how dumb of you. “Not off the hook, hm?”

   “Not a chance.” You sighed, wiggling onto his lap to get more comfortable. Bucky doing the same, placing his hands on your hips tucking his fingertips underneath the hem of your cropped shirt to stroke your skin.

   “You are so pretty.” You complimented bringing your hand to his face, brushing the pad of your thumb over the apple of his cheek, moving some rogue hair behind his ear.

   “You get me with that once and now you want to use it as a cop out every time?”

   “It’s not a cop out. You are very pretty, everyone who sees you knows it.”

   “Tell me.”

   “I think you’ll think I’m a bad person or weird.”

   “I doubt it.”

   You frowned, deciding now was as good a time as any. “You know so much about everything. I don’t know anything. You’re so experienced.”

    He threw his head back groaning loudly, annoyed. “This shit again?” he thought you’d left this behind you, thought he fucked it out of you last time.

    “You’re going to get tired of teaching someone everything all the time. Eventually. You think you won’t, you say you won’t but you will.”

   “It’s an exchange. You don’t think you don’t teach me things?”

    “It isn’t the same.”

   “Tell me exactly what makes it different.”

   You rolled your eyes. “You don’t get it.” Like I thought you wouldn’t.

   “Tell me what I don’t get.”

   “I don’t know things that other people know, other women. So what’s the difference between me and them? Anyone could be a better match for you; like anyone, like a cashier somewhere.”

   At the mention of a cashier Bucky laughed in your face heartily with no intention of hiding it, all the pieces of the puzzle quickly fell into place. So that’s what this was about. His girl was somethin’ else. 

   “What the hell is so funny?” You sneered.

    “You’re jealous.”

   “No I’m not.” You denied quickly.

   “I think you are.”

   You stopped, we’re you? Is that what this was? You were jealous? You figured it was plausible. It had been such a long time since someone was close to you in the way he was, it had been a minute since you’d felt it so strongly. My god. You were jealous.

   “So? I’m not. But if I was? So what?”

   He chuckled. “If you were, which of course you aren’t, I would tell you that you have no reason to be. That it doesn’t matter who’s looking or flirting with me or you.”

   You rolled your eyes. “Maybe people just shouldn’t then.” You snapped. Right. People should just avoid eye contact with Bucky and all of his body parts alike because you said so. Exactly.

   “You don’t think I get jealous?”

   “Of what? What could you possibly be jealous of? ”

   He scoffed, shaking his head. You still didn’t get it, of course. “The man who walked out after us at the movies, who caught a look at your ass before I could and stared until he couldn’t anymore. The waiter two tables down who thought your boobs were trying to make an order.”

   You giggled at Bucky’s annoyed expression but quieted down. “Still though, isn’t the same.”

“Yes it is.” he insisted. “It’s exactly the same. I don’t want other people to look at you the way I do, I don’t want any other man to feel the way I feel when I take a look at you.” Well maybe it was the same, that’s exactly how you felt, to a t.

   “So?” You asked, your hands dropping to a loose thread on his shirt, twirling it around your finger.

   “So…?”

   “So what? What do you do? When you feel yourself getting… how do you make it stop? Keep it from ruining your whole freaking day?”

   “Well,” He took the thread from your hands, threading his fingers through yours, “I tell myself it’s not how they look at you but how you look back and when you look at me, it’s different. It’ll always be different.

   “Why? How do you know?” You leaned forward to push your lips against your joined hands.

   “Because you have me in ways they don’t, because I’m yours.”

   “Mine?”

   “In the same ways that you’re…” he let go of your hand, much to your dismay, and brought his hands up to your back pulling you close, settling his face against your shoulder, breathing you in. “Mine. Just for me.”

  He’s mine. You said to yourself again and again. Bucky Barnes was yours and it wasn’t self proclaimed either, he was yours because he said so, and decided he wanted to be. “You’re mine…?” You finally tested aloud.

   He groaned and you felt the vibration on your shoulder. “Yeah, baby..” 

   “You’re-“ you stopped abruptly feeling something poke your inner thigh. 

   “That’s yours too.“ he joked.

   But it wasn’t funny to you. In fact, it made you hot, and set your skin and loins ablaze. “All of it?”

   Bucky pulled back taken by surprise by the sudden change in your tone, no longer unsure but testy and seductive. He watches with hooded eyes as you bit your lip, reaching your hand down to feel his hardened length through his pants.

   “Every fucking inch. Keep going, you’ll find out exactly how much.”

   “Show me. Show me exactly how much.”

…

   He inched just his tip inside. “That’s yours.”

   You took a deep breath preparing yourself for the rest. “You did this.” He scolded as he pushed himself in further, pacing as well as he could given the circumstances. The sticky, warm, all too accommodating circumstances. “You do this to me.”

   You grimaced as you welcomed him as best you could, relaxed your muscles so he could ease inside of you. But then your eyes started wandering, watching him disappear inside, his hard length, the tensed muscles of his abdomen, the hard planes of his chest, then that face. Focused and… pretty in all of its glory.

   “Don’t do that.” He stalled his movement to tell you.

   “What?” You whispered still in amazement at the man above you.

   “Don’t fucking look at me like that.” He whispered, hoarsely.

   “Like what?” You pressed. Cause you loved this. You realized he did get nervous with you just like you did with him. Not in the same ways of course but in his own perfect ones.

   “Like you don’t need it slow. ‘Cause you do.” I do. He needed every second of this to be memorable, etched into his brain. He wants to remember the feeling of every turn, how he felt after every inch; every moan and hushed groan of yours. He wanted to revel in every nanosecond. It can’t last forever but hell he was going to try to make it.

   “Baby-“ You pulled him close knocking him off balance for a moment, having to readjust and reposition to make this comfortable for the both of you.

   Your legs wrapped around his back, arms around his neck, his metal arm wrapped around your back, the coldness refreshing your heated skin, and his flesh hand gripping your thigh keeping you pressed tightly to him. Your tight hold gave him no choice but to stay put and work around with what little leeway you did give him. Even though there was nowhere he wanted to go, no place he wanted to be other than here.

   “Tell me, please. Say it.” You pled.

   “Say what?” He asked though he knew exactly what you wanted to hear. But these few moments when you were sure, in more control than he was though you refused to acknowledge it. These moments when you had a super soldier at your beck and call, ready willing and able to do your bidding but you just settled for asking him to say these pretty little words.

   “Please.” You begged

   “All of this is for you princess, all of it - shit.” He heaved as you tightened around him, “Wait for me, wait for me, baby.” He thrust into you one last time and placed a kiss behind your ear when he felt your teeth sink into his shoulder.

   “All for you. All of this, it’s all yours.”

Inside, he ends up his arm in front of the door upon seeing an older lady headed his way. She tries to walk faster to keep him from waiting longer, and he wants to tell her that she can take all the time she needs.

“Which floor?” he asks after she makes it inside. 

“Six, please.” One stop before yours. A blue ring forms around the number when he presses it. As the car begins to move upwards, she looks at the sheen of his vibranium hand, then to the bouquet in his grasp. “Special lady?” 

Bucky looks down to the flowers, their pastel petals, rich green stems, and prays they’re enough. “Yes, ma’am.” 

“She’ll love them.” The elevator stops, dings, opens. “Have a good night.” 

He’s all alone when he makes it to your floor. The stretch of the hallway reminds him of all the times you’d smiled at him over your shoulder before breaking into a swift little walk. He’d always make a point to catch up with you because you’d playfully claim that he couldn’t. And by the time you’d make it to your door at the end of the hall, he’d squeeze your waist and press soft kisses to your neck as you tried to unlock it with shaky hands and laughter on your lips.

After reaching your apartment, he knocks a few times and stares down at his shoes as he waits. Anticipation grips and gnaws at him until he’s surprised that there’s anything left. Eventually, the doorknob turns, and he lifts his head to the sight of your gaze. 

You’re wearing one of his shirts. 

“Hey. I wanted to apologize.” Formally. He’d already told you that he was sorry, but neither of you had been in the headspace to have a deeper conversation. “You don’t have anyone over, do you?” 

“It’s just you and me.” Your tiny smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes, but it’s enough. “Were you planning on staying, or…” 

Bucky clears his throat. A flicker of hope kindles within his chest. “If you’ll have me.” 

“I’d never turn you away, Buck. You know that.”

When you motion for him to come inside, he walks as if he’s treading onto foreign grounds, steps hesitant as if one wrong move would result in being banished. He doesn’t want to mess this up—not again. A week ago, when he pierced your heart with the venom of his words, he’d left on his own accord. But it was as if your doe-eyed stare and tear-streaked cheeks were telling him that things would be better off that way anyways. 

Bucky doesn’t know what to do with himself when you close the door behind him. “These are for you.” He extends the bouquet, which you accept with a small hum of appreciation. “They’re from Monica’s.” 

That piques your interest. “She’s back from Puerto Rico?” Ever since the beginning of your relationship, she’d been the florist Bucky bought you flowers from. Her shop was a couple blocks away from his apartment. A majority of her family lived down on the island, and she’d gone to visit. 

“Mhm.” He shifts his stance, watching as you lift the flowers to your nose to smell them. He doesn’t miss the way your eyes flicker up to him with a touch of fondness. “She asked about you. About how we were doing.”

But he didn’t tell her that he’d messed up; that you’d only been texting each other to do basic check-ins. He’d wanted to make things right sooner, but work briefings and his own doubts had gotten in the way. It’d been the longest week of his life, with each day stretching like an eternity he longed to escape. But even in your time apart, you never stopped saying I love you.

Your voice is soft when you speak again, “Lemme get these into a vase, okay? Then we can talk.” 

•••

All there was to do was swallow the lump that rose in your throat as Bucky’s words replayed in your head: ‘You’re no different than everybody else.’ You didn’t know tears had begun trailing down your cheeks until he looked as though his very soul had been torn from the innermost part of him. The color drained from his face as his eyes filled with regret as deep as the ocean. 

You were numb. 

Moments before, he’d told you that his anxiety had resurged in the wake of his last mission. Detouring in Bucharest had brought back memories of everything he once was; of running, hiding, a fear-laden life. In the time since his arrival back to the states, he’d been working to push those thoughts from where they’d settled in the forefront of his mind. 

In telling you that, he wasn’t looking for pity. He wanted you to know why he’d been a bit more on edge than usual—but he was going to get through this. What he needed was time. Time to sit with his feelings, work on his thinking patterns, give himself the grace to breathe. After so many years of feeling out of control, he was finally confident in his ability to navigate periods like this. He trusted you with his feelings because he knew you’d be in his corner along the way. 

Then you said something that caught him off guard. “Have you considered giving therapy another chance?” The question was meant to be innocent, yet a small furrow etched itself between his brows. It wasn’t that he had anything against therapy. His time with Dr. Raynor hadn’t been the best period of his life, but he still walked away with something worth holding on to. 

What struck him about your question was the insecurity it stirred within him. Maybe you were seeing something he couldn’t see—maybe he wasn’t managing things as well as he thought. Out of everything you could’ve said, it was almost as if you were implying that he needed therapy. Because if one thing was true about James Buchanan Barnes, it was that there always had to be an outside hand; to steer him, guide him, manipulate him. There was always something. 

A chunk of his pride fell to the ground and shattered into a million little pieces. He could feel his cheeks grow warm with a potent mix of shame and offense. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Only then did you realize how he’d taken your question. “No, Buck, I—” 

The words that left his mouth next were impulsive. He was hurt, discouraged. “You’re no different than everybody else.” 

Everybody who thought he didn’t have it in him. Everybody who always thought the solution was to send him off to the next scientist, doctor, institution.

But he was wrong. You were nothing like them. Not by a long shot. 

•••

The couch dips when you join Bucky, and neither of you say anything for a while. But it isn’t an uncomfortable silence, it’s a thoughtful one brimming with promise. The lights in your living room cast a soft glow over both of you as your eyes flit over each other. In spite of everything, it feels good to be in his presence again. He looks tired, but there’s a warmth in his gaze that you’ve missed. His shoulders are more relaxed now that his initial nerves have passed. 

More than anything, you want things to go back to normal between the two of you. No more lingering guilt, no more tension. 

It’s him who breaks the silence, “I was wrong for saying what I said. My insecurity came out as frustration, and you’re the last person who deserves to be on the other end of that.” The slight falter of his voice is a testament to his sincerity. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, doll. I know I can’t take back what I said, but…” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. A few strands fall back onto his forehead. 

Before he can think of how to continue, you scoot closer to him and nestle into his side. His arm finds its way around your shoulders with ease. It feels so good to hold you again that he can feel it in his toes. You feel like home. You are home.  

“I should’ve been more mindful about what I was asking,” you murmur. “I never wanna be the person who makes you doubt yourself—especially when you’re one of the strongest people I know.” You give his leg a gentle squeeze. “All I care about is you being okay. That’s where my heart is now, and that’s where it’s always gonna be.” 

Butterflies flutter in your stomach when he takes your hand and guides you to sit on his lap. When you settle with your legs straddled on either side of him, he places his hands on your waist and meets your gaze.

Just like that, the air is lighter.  

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” you tell him.  

His lips curl into a small smile for the first time that night. “You’re wearing one of my shirts” 

“I know. I’ve been wearing them all week.” You smooth your hands down his chest. “Thank God I had enough.” 

A squeak leaves your mouth when he moves to get up, securing his hands beneath the underside of your thighs. You have to bite your lower lip to keep from giggling as he heads to your bedroom. Inside, the fairy lights lining your ceiling allow you to make out the softness in his eyes as he lays you on your bed and props himself overtop of you. He kisses your forehead, the tip of your nose, and then he allows his lips to brush just barely over yours before drawing back a couple inches. 

“Hey,” you take his chin between your thumb and pointer finger. “Where’s my kiss?” 

“Right here,” he whispers, pressing his lips to yours. You have to remind yourself how to breathe as a rush of warmth runs through your body. You’ve definitely missed this. There’s nothing quite like the way he expresses his love for you; it ignites every part of you and never fails to leave you in a haze of wonder and disbelief. 

The muscles of his stomach jump when you slip your hands beneath his shirt. His skin is a warm and familiar terrain that you’ve mapped a hundred times before. You allow your fingertips to run along the waistband of his jeans, coaxing a low hum up his throat. When you pop the button undone, he begins pressing kisses down your neck that send you floating somewhere far away. At the feeling of him suckling over your pulse, you run a hand through his hair, tugging the strands as if they’ll help ground you back to earth. 

“Can you spend the night?” You breathe out. 

“Do you want me to?” He straightens up and pulls his shirt off, muscles shifting in a way that makes you glad you’re already laying down. 

“That’s a silly question.” 

He smiles, shrugs. “Do you?” 

For a moment, you simply gaze up at him. When the twinkle of amusement dwindles from within his eyes, it’s replaced by something more fond. Rather than positioning himself back over you, he remains standing so he can take in your entirety. The weight of his gaze makes you squirm. You want him to spend the night, if only for the sole purpose of drowning in the look he’s giving you now.

“Yes, I want you to stay. Happy?” There’s nothing remotely harsh about your tone. 

His shoulders shake with a chuckle. “I was happy the second you invited me in, sweetheart. You could’ve taken the flowers and told me to get lost, but you didn't,” he says. “I sure enough would’ve been needing therapy.” 

“Bucky!” a surprised laugh bubbles past your lips.

“In all seriousness, though.” He moves to hover over your frame again. You can see the earnesty in his handsome features. “The dark is less daunting when you’re around. You’re one of the most selfless and kindhearted people I know, and you don’t give yourself enough credit. Wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” 

Your heart nearly overflows. When you open your mouth to respond, words escape you, and all you can do is offer him a love-filled look that teeters on the edge of disbelief. Your struggle makes him smile. Because he realizes that, unlike a week ago, he has you speechless for all the right reasons. You feel loved. 

Part of you wishes he’d kiss you already to spare both of you from the prolonged anticipation. And of course that’s something he picks up on; he’s good at reading you when he wants to be. And of course he’s going to tease you, if only for a second. 

“Cutie pie,” he says softly, granting you a breathy peck that leaves you wanting more. 

“You’re cute,” the added bite you want those words to have isn’t quite there. “Just kiss me already.” 

He finally gives in. When it comes to you, he can never refrain for too long

-

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Bucky tied his dark hair in a bun. “Yeah, second morning in a row.”

Tony moved towards him next. He wasn’t in the gym to work out, had his tools beside him to supe up a wicked cook speaker system. “Have you thought about a pregnancy test?”

Bucky chuckled dryly. It was a sick joke to make, suggesting that Y/N was pregnant. Yeah, Bucky was desperate to be a father, but he wasn't even sure if it was possible with the serum in his veins. That, and Bucky was a monster, he didn't know he could bring a child into the world that had fucked him up so badly.

Bucky set about training harder than he ever had before. He punched the punching bags until they split and took Sam running afterwards. Bucky ran until his legs gave out. And then he kept walking until he made it to a drugstore.

Midday the drugstore was empty. Either everybody was at work or this was a really terrible drugstore.

When Bucky found the pregnancy tests, he considered calling Y/N. But she was sick, he assured himself. She was sick and needed all the rest she could get. Bucky pulled two boxes from the shelf, paid for them and went on his way back to the compound.

He woke her up with gentle touches and soft kisses. Y/N was feeling significantly better, wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "I missed you today, Buck," she whispered and kissed his cheek.

"Babycakes," he whispered, hand coming to rest on her stomach. "Tony said something to me today so I went to the drugstore an'... and I got you something." He placed the boxes on her bedside table.

Y/N picked one of them up. "Buck," she whispered, holding onto his arm. "You don't think..."

"It's a possibility sweet angel. I don't wanna get my hopes up but-"

"But now you can't stop thinking about it."

He smiled a small smiled and took her hand as she climbed out of the bed, the pregnancy tests in her hands. "I'll take two, bubbles. I don't want you to be disappointed."

He kissed her forehead and held her hand as she walked towards the bathroom. "As long as you never stop loving me, I'll never be disappointed."

He stayed with her as she peed on the stick. Bucky held her as they waited for the results. And, when they got the results (negative), she did another just to be sure. Y/N wasn't smiling as she and Bucky waited again, head against her shoulder. Bucky remained stoic as he rocked her gently.

When the timer on her phone went, Y/N stood up and looked at the test on the counter. "Negative," she sighed and threw herself forward, into Bucky's arms. "After this morning I was starting to hope."

"I know, sweetness. I know." They hadn't even been trying for a baby, but now Bucky couldn't get the thought out of his head. He wanted to have a child with this woman, that much he was sure of.

***

It wasn't often that the Avengers went out for drinks. If they wanted to party, they were going to do it in the Compound. Especially since Steve Rogers was dead to the wold and Sam Wilson had taken over as Captain America.

But it was Peters twenty first birthday and they wanted it to be special. The Avengers all took him to a bar to get drunk safely with them.

Nat bought the first round. He bought for everybody but Y/N, who opted for water instead.

And then on the second round (Steve's turn to buy) she got a sprite. The rest of the Avengers looked at each other and then looked at Bucky. He only shook his head and placed his hand on Y/N's thigh. (It took a lot for Bucky to get drink, he wasn't even sure he could anymore, being a super soldier at all. But he was at least a little bit tipsy, Y/N could tell that much by the way he was holding onto her).

When Y/N went up to get the third round, Bucky refused to let her go. She kissed his cheek, wiggled out of his grip and went out to the bar. Nat went with her.

She asked the bartender to water down one of the shots for Peter and got herself another sprite. "So," Nat started as the bartender made the drinks. "Why aren't you drinking tonight?"

Y/N pulled her keys from her pocket and give her a grim smile. "I'm driving the birthday boy home tonight."

“You’re not…”

“What, pregnant?” She asked and a pang of sadness shot through her. It had been a month since she and Bucky started trying for a baby. She took regular pregnancy tests and looked at several fertility blogs. Nothing yet, she hadn’t even been sick.

Nat saw the change in her face. She dropped the subject and helped her carry the drinks over to the table. So Y/N wasn’t pregnant. It wasn’t that big of a deal, so why did Natasha feel so disappointed. Truthfully, she was looking forward to being an aunt. Looking forward to babysitting, letting her unofficial niece or nephew stay up late and watch movies, getting takeout with the little one and hearing all of the school gossip.

By the end of the night Bucky was getting rather handsy. He was all over her, kissing her cheeks and her neck, fingers resting just under the hem of her shirt. Hickeys were on her neck when she pulled Peter out of his seat to drive him back home. She didn’t take him to his apartment, instead took him back to May’s place, where she knew there would be someone to look after him.

“Baby peach,” Bucky whined as she helped Peter out of the bar. “Don’t leave me here with these guys, please!” Her pulled her back into him and pressed his forehead to his shoulder. “No Peachy pie.”

Y/N kissed him and softly pushed him away. “I’ll see you back at the compound really soon, Baby buck,” she said and kissed him one last time before walking away with Peters arm over her shoulder.

***

Y/N was wearing loose fitting clothes. Shirts that clearly didn’t belong to her and leggings. Nothing tight fitting, nothing that showed off her figure. The rest of the Avengers had their suspicions, but they didn’t bring it up, especially not to Bucky.

The doors to their room weren’t exactly soundproof. They could hear what was going on, hear the bed hitting the wall each night, hear the cries and moans and whines. It didn’t exactly make for easy sleeping.

What made matters worse was when they were all watching a movie, something they didn’t often get to do all together. Someone was either on a mission or they were living locally but not in the tower. Y/N and Bucky had selfishly stretched themselves out across the sofa. His hand was moving across the ring on her finger, head on her stomach, occasionally kissing it.

Tony was at his wits end. “Okay,” he called, pausing the movie. There was an uproar of protests, but he quickly silenced them, turning his attention to Bucky and Y/N “Are you pregnant?” He asked, one of his eyebrows flipping up. “Are you having a baby or are the both of you messing with us?”

Y/N looked at each of the Avengers. “Okay,” she said, tapping Bucky’s shoulder so he’d let her sit up. “We’re not expecting a baby, but we are trying for one. Bucky and I are trying to start a family,” she confessed, unable to hide her grin.

There was another uproar, but this one was filled with joy. “We’re gonna have a baby!” Tony shouted, pulling Y/N up to jump up and down with him. “Let’s get you drunk while we still can.”

But Bucky placed his hand on Y/N’s hip. “Actually, we should probably go,” he said, standing up and pulling her into him. “Should probably go and make a baby,” he said, smiling wide as he rested his head on her shoulder.

The other Avengers groaned, but they were happy for them.

***

The test was positive. It was actually positive! For the first time in a month, they had a chance at success. That morning Y/N noticed how utterly late her period was, hadn’t come at all in fact.

But the first positive wasn’t a guarantee, she knew this. Bucky was still asleep, she let him rest for a little while longer. Keeping quiet, holding back tears. When the second test came back positive, she screamed, waking up Bucky and Sam (who had spent the night in the room next door instead of going back to his place).

Bucky was instantly awake, gun in his hand as he burst his way into the bathroom. Y/N was crying, full on sobbing as she clutched the two positive tests. “Angel face, are you okay?” He asked quickly, checking for any bad guys hiding behind the shower curtain.

Y/N grabbed her husband and wiped away her tears. She said nothing, just showed him the positive tests. Bucky couldn’t find it in himself to react. His hands came up slowly to take the test from her. “Is this what I think it is?” He asked slowly, carefully.

“Bucky boo, we’re having a baby.”

“We’re having a baby? We’re really having a baby?”