-make it count

So incredibly tired of bad things happening. A very close family member is very very sick and like I can’t stop thinking am I just fucking unlucky in that every few months very bad shit keeps happening to people in my life or is this just a part of getting older. : /

Wow hi I’ve reached a point where I hate most things and don’t give a shit about petty nonsense and I literally only want to spend every available minute away from this dumb city sitting next to a river under the trees hiking big hills mostly alone. This can’t be a good sign.

Wow hi how does an adult who doesn’t really like strangers make new friends cause help I need new friends.

You ever feel so stuck and paralyzed and like all the things in your life suck and every day feels hard and only bad things keep happening and you just want everyone else around you to also feel shitty because it feels immeasurably unfair that while your life feels like it’s falling apart people are just going about their day having a great fucking life. I’m utterly exhausted at having to be excited about other people’s good things.

for every 1 product or implementation job opening at any single company there are like 12568 engineering positions and honestly i’m over it. this is total bullshit. 

as someone who over researches every single thing in my life i’m extremely disappointed in myself. i went in and got a tooth removed with zero preparation and 100 percent underestimated what it would actually mean. like not being able to eat real food or work out or drink hot things. I’m tired of eating soft carb loaded food and my jaw hurts and i go on vacation in less than a week and it better be fixed by then and wow it’s been a real rough week.