“...is that your wallet in your pocket or are ya just happy to see me?”
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@colonelviolet
“...is that your wallet in your pocket or are ya just happy to see me?”

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Send “📂“ for a random yet completely useless headcanon I have
urumisu:
“Oh! I’m, like, not all that interested in mortal money, admittedly…”
They giggle quietly to themself, waving a hand.
“And, like, to tell you the truth? I don’t know if I could run a business on top of my mail duties! But that’s, like, so sweet of you to offer…!”
They nod with a happy smile and a sigh, as if flattered! And reach forward, gingerly taking her both her hands in their own.
“You seem like a mortal with their head totally on straight, you know? I could learn a thing or two about being so, like, totally go-getter!
“So I’ll tell you, like, what, you know?”
And give her fingers a gentle squeeze, a small glittery light seeping from under their palms. Another nod, they pull away, revealing a brand new pair in her hands; these, however, are very much replicas made of elements they remember being native to Earth’s crust, made from silver and–jeremejevite?
They just thought the color would make her eyes pop!
“You can either keep these, or sell them–it’s no skin off my nose! But I think they’d look totally fetch on you, just so you know!
“I’ve totally gotta go, though–I’m still technically en route, you know?
“Like, toodles, honey!”
A wave, a wink, they turn around–then perk!
“Oh! And my name is Urumisu, by the way!
“Bye~Bye! Kai~Kai!”
With a puff of Glitter–They’re gone.
W-What just happened?!
Did they just--disappear?
“U-Urumisu?!”
She gawks at the remnant sparkles of where they once were.
Her eyes fell to her hands, looking at the brand new pair of earrings that seemingly care out of nowhere. Was this magic?! It was so pretty too...it sparkled so nicely.
“I just hallucinated this. I’m dehydrated--that’s all. I need to get to my canteen and forget this ever happened.” He mutters to herself, pocketing the earrings.
urumisu:
“Huh?”
They tilt their head, visibly confused.
“Knockoffs…?”
They frown, if but out of thought–Did apprentice potara technically count as knockoffs? That would imply, though, that there were originals they were copying, which isn’t untrue, but–would that mean that every other pair was a knockoff of some original pair? Are all apprentice pairs technically knockoff of official pairs? Are the official pairs knockoffs of each other? Their head is starting to hurt…
“… Um…! I mean, they don’t sell these in stores or anything…”
“Really? That’s a shame. You’d make a killing selling those. Dangly earrings like that are all the rage I hear.”
She worked mostly conning militias and armies. The less feminine she looked the more battle-ready she appeared to be, meant it was easier to win the trust of her targets. But it never stopped her from enjoying the finer things in life that money bought.
“If you want you and I can start something. It’s an old scam but it’s a classic. You make some earrings in different colors for dirt cheap. We sell the sets as limited designer earrings to the wealthy. And then we roll in the bank. I’ll even be nice and split it 70-30 with you.”
gunnergirlmai:
“Hey, he offered me a good deal last time! Sure, I was going to wait a full three years to get my end of the bargain, but I couldn’t resist!
She blew a bubble with her gun, looking unimpressed, “Usually that means,” pop, “he took you for a ride. You literally just took a help-wanted ad from the paper. Out of everyone Mai..you kind of fell the lowest.”
Her and Hasky became high-ranking and respected members of a feared militia that could’ve very well taken over the world if not for that meddling kid. Pasta became the top henchmen of an evil king of a faraway land. Ranfan was a reputable martial artist that took home tons of prize pools through her trickery alone. Mai--out of everyone of their old crew was stuck playing the stooge to some wannabe tyrant.

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colonelviolet:
“Yeah, the earrings. How much did they cost?”
“Oh! My potaras?
“Um–Let’s see…”
Idly, they twirl both earrings in either of their hands, quirking their lips in thought.
“I mean, I just made them myself, so I don’t really know…! They don’t even fuse, either, which would probably be worth more…”
“Potara, huh? Is that a new type of brand or a designer or..?”
They were honestly enchanting. Simple, but beautiful.
“Hm, self-made? Not bad for handicraft knockoffs. I can appreciate a good hustle. I used to run my own knock-off scam when I was a kid. Good times.”
gunnergirlmai:
“Let’s drop the subject. I see that I can be seen as a lunatic for telling you this.”
“We already thought you were crazy for following some blue munchkin calling himself an emperor. So that ship’s already sailed.”
gunnergirlmai:
She huffs, and says, “I’m not joking. That child is some sort of monkey-werewolf.”
“Yeah and I’m witch. You probably seeing things. Werewolves are one thing--but a werewolf-monkey kid? That sounds like something out of a sci-fi novel.”
gunnergirlmai:
“He was the one who turned into a giant monkey! I don’t know how, but he somehow did, and left me with a fear of the full moon!”
“..like a werewolf? That kid’s some sort of were-monkey is what you’re telling me?”
“...”
“You’re pulling my leg, aren’t you Mai? That’s a funny joke! Pfft--hahahaaha!”
gunnergirlmai:
“He destroyed Pilaf’s castle! And nearly killed me and the two fools alongside me!”
“Honestly after seeing the number he did to Red and his men and the rest of that--I could believe that. But I thought you said that a giant monkey destroyed the castle?”

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gunnergirlmai:
“So you’ve run in with that same monkey tailed brat as well…one with spiky black hair all over the place? Looks clueless and wields a pole? That kid with a tail?”
“...Yeah! I mean I didn’t get a total good look of him, he was making quick work of heavily armed soldiers twice his size. No way was I going to mess with that. I caught brief glances of him but that seems pretty on point. Is he a friend of yours?”
gunnergirlmai:
“Yes. What exactly did the two of you cook up inside that Red Ribbon Army? I hope that you two didn’t manage to blow the place up at least once.”
“Oh, it was a big inside job. The leader of it was some loaded kook calling himself General Red. It was basically his own private militia. He was trying to gather Dragon Balls to take over the world or something. I dunno--I was just a colonel. I got him his little balls. But I surprisingly, I didn’t blow the place up this time. Some kid with a tail did it, apparently. I just took the money and my plane and ran when shit hit the fan.”
gunnergirlmai:
“….”
“Nonexistant as always. If I’m not wholly focused on my work, then I made myself into a fool in front of the most beautiful women imaginable.”
“I thought as much. This is what you get for working with a bunch of clowns--you get turned into a clown. My time at the Red Ribbon was pretty nice. I even made it to colonel and they trusted me oh so much. The girls were pretty cute too. It was a decent time--but I wouldn’t do it again. You remember Hasky right? She was in it with me for our con.”
gunnergirlmai:
“They’re not going to do much, but they’re bothersome to an unfathomable degree. I rather much not deal with an annoyance right before a big heist or a date.”
“I know you can handle it. Speaking of wish, how’s the love life? Or are you still married to your work?”
Continued from here
@colonelviolet
“No..I’m pretty sure I robbed you. I could never forget that red ribbon.”
“Then you best start paying more attention than lettin’ yourself be distracted by red ribbons–”
She then held up a little capsule, with the Red Ribbon Army’s emblem labeled on it. “Lookie what I snatched from you when you weren’t looking~!”
“Huh? When did you?Heh...Not bad. Not bad at all, kid.”
She smirks, cocking her head to the side. “I remember now. I believe is was Vanilla Town, down south. You got three of my guys. Alright, Ribbon.”
She shows her arm, which had been hiding behind her pack. It was a familiar looking wallet with a flowery pattern on it. “You got my attention.”

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gunnergirlmai:
“I will. I’ll be there at the base in a few hours. It’s going to take some time to give Pilaf my notice and bounce out of there before the little fool decides to retaliate against me.”
“C’mon, like those two munchkins are gonna do anything to you. What’s the worst that can happen. They pull a gun on you? I’ve seen you take down brutes twice your size.”
gunnergirlmai:
“Yes. Even with all these years with Pilaf, I still have a general idea of where the old base is. Will the other girls be heading there soon?”
“Yeah. We’re all trying to track each other down. We’re meeting up pretty soon--the next few days actually. Pasta says she’s got a big score in her sights and needs all of us and our skills. Time to stop chasing wishes, Mai.”