Tell Me Your Sign

Norah didn’t know what to say. She stood in silence just staring at the three tests. She heard Colin speaking, but wasn’t able to parse what he was saying. Of course it would be fine, eventually. Everything tuned out fine in the end, but it was the present Norah worried about the most. “I don’t–I don’t know the first thing about being someone’s mom, Colin. I–I don’t have one. How–” she stopped and took a deep breath. “I think I need to go to bed. Maybe if I go to bed everything will be fine and–” she walked over to her bed and threw the covers over herself before peeking out from under them. “Will you just hold me? I–I feel like I’m going to have–have a meltdown and my weighted blanket is back home and I–” she swallowed hard. “I need you.”

“I–drank a lot of water earlier,” she laughed a little. The timer on her phone went off. “I’ll go–I’ll grab them,” she jumped off the bed and walked quickly to the bathroom. Okay, okay. Let’s–let’s do this. Norah grabbed the tests and took them back out to the room. “I’m scared to look–” she closed her eyes and the tests up to her direct eye line before opening them just a peek to see. The first had two bright pink lines, the second had one blue positive symbol, and the last just read the word Pregnant. “Oh–” Norah took a deep breath. “It’s positive, Colin.”

Norah stood up straight and walked into the en suite bathroom. She disappeared for a few minutes and returned to sit on the bed beside Colin “Okay, we have–” Norah took a look at the timer on her phone, “two minutes” Norah swallowed hard. “I didn’t know which one to do so I did them all. That might have been overkill.”

Norah, decked out in her finest pajamas–an old college sweatshirt and pair of  flannel pants, lead Colin down the aisle of CVS with the pregnancy tests and condoms. “I never understood why they put those together–surely it’s a bit late for a condom if you need a pregnancy test,” she joked. She grabbed a First Response one (and several others, just to be sure) and walked quickly up to the cashier. Once they got back to the car, Norah took a huge breath. “It says what it says,” Norah shrugged, “radical acceptance and all that.” Norah hopped out of the car and headed into the house. Everyone had dispersed by now, the catering company had come and collected their things, the band had gone home, and Norah’s dad had gone to bed. She led Colin quietly up the stairs, refusing to let go of his hand the whole time. “I’m scared.”

“I’m glad we came home too,” Norah smiled. She grabbed her husband’s hand and lead him over to the cake table where the adults had started to circle around. As Colin took the knife, Norah placed her hand on his and helped him guide it down the first layer of the cake, cutting away to reveal a vanilla base layer and raspberry jam. Norah took a piece of cake and placed it in Colin’s mouth as they interconnected their arms, but only after getting a little bit of frosting on his nose. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it–” she chuckled. 

“You look handsome, too. I cried when I saw you–but I was already crying from excitement–I’m glad I went with waterproof mascara,” she chuckled. “It might not even be positive–I could just be overthinking.” Something told her though that wasn’t the case. “Whatever it says, it says.” The music changed and the band began playing a cover of an Ed Sheeran song one of the younger kids at the wedding had requested, but Norah just stood there for a moment, holding on to Colin.

“I have pajamas upstairs I can change into, it’s no big deal–I’m glad you like my dress. Your mom helped me pick it out. She said I looked like a fairy–I’m ashamed to say that’s what sold me on it,” she laughed a bit. “Oh, no it’s–it’s not ruining my night or anything,” she placed her hand on his cheek, “I’m just nervous, that’s all. Things happen. Life laughs at those who make plans, etc” she placed a kiss on his cheek. “We’ll just get–get a head start is all. You and I aren’t really good at doing things at a normal pace, are we?” She paused before breaking out into laughter, “I guess that means no Guinness for me in Dublin, huh?”

“No, late for another event–” she paused, “like late-late. Like, should have come to visit last week late,” Norah swallowed hard. “This doesn’t happen to me–I mean, I’m not usually great at keeping track but–it makes sense. I mean, we did you know and now I’m late by a week. This–isn’t,” she paused. “Maybe I’m not though–maybe I’m just adding wrong. You’re right–we can stop by CVS later. It’s open 24 hours and I’m sure they’ve seen people in weirder outfits come in to buy,” she swallowed again, “pregnancy tests.” She rested her head on his shoulder for a minute, trying to collect herself. “What–” she paused, taking a deep breath, “we didn’t really, uh, think this through, did we?”

Norah nodded along as Colin was speaking, “You’ve been the only one for me,” she smiled. “I love you most.” Still, Norah had not stopped thinking about what could possibly be wrong with her. Catching something on the plane seemed likely, but she’d scrubbed herself down as soon as the plane touched down in Boston. Anxiety wasn’t out of the ordinary for her, but her physical symptoms of anxiety were usually headaches or chest pain. Norah started counting back how many weeks it had been since she and Colin met at her apartment for dinner and it hit her. She stood on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear, not loud enough for any of those surrounding her to be able to hear. “Colin, I’m late.”

“Dad’s got us covered–he wants us to have fun and knows we’re not exactly…social butterflies,” she chuckled. Colin’s answer made her a bit nervous. She assumed her nausea was caused by jet lag, as that’d been the case in the past–but it never lasted this long. “Oh, maybe I have a stomach bug or something. I’ve also been wicked tired. It’s weird, I don’t get sick that often. At least sick to my stomach.” Norah’s brow furrowed. “Oh, they’re calling for us–we have to go dance now,” she pulled Colin by the hand and lead him to the dance floor. The crowd around them built as the first notes of their song began to play. 

“This is the best wedding I’ve ever been too,” she laughed. “Not too many people, not too noisy–everyone already knows each other which makes the atmosphere less chaotic. Everyone’s talking to one another and getting along–it’s really sweet. Everyone is so excited for us. You’re right about people swinging by for cake–I’m sure the neighbors will come by tomorrow and help us finish it off, especially because you made it.” Norah laughed. “I’ve felt sick all week–I figured it was all just nerves. Maybe I’m still a bit jet-lagged.”

“You’re stuck with me forever, kid,” Norah squeezed his hand. “It’s so weird to see how many people have come–I mean, on kind of short notice. Did you hear what Mrs. Wyatt had to say–that she expected this to have happened a long time ago? People really don’t forget things in small towns, do they?” she laughed. “How are you feeling? Were you nervous this morning? I felt like my stomach was doing flips for most of the morning.”

lover boy,‘39, flash