a perfectly ripe mango could change the trajectory of my life

imagine being a dog and you think your chances are pretty good. and then you look over and there's Mitski getting her wallet out

would you lay on the floor with me for a little while

hopefully i'll get to do something other than endure soon. that would be really nice

the grown-up version of "I did all of the work in the group project" is "I love and care about my friends soooooo much more than they care about me"

and like in some cases, sure, maybe you DID do most of the work. and in some cases, sure, maybe you DO love more. But often it's just like...well, did you or do you? or is it just because you see the world through your perspective? and you don't know how much effort, time, and energy someone put in because it wasn't from your perspective. maybe you folks are just not communicating properly. maybe you communicate differently. maybe they don't tell you every time they make a change to the PowerPoint or say I love you every time they think it, but that doesn't mean they didn't do it or the love isn't there. Did you say "I need you to take on more of this work" or "I need you to talk to me more about you actually feel about me" or did you just make an assumption that hurt your own feelings and made you bitter and passive aggressive? Because, yes, sometimes that is true, but it's also worth it a lot of the time to investigate if you are creating a narrative that is entirely different from your partner(s) because you are defaulting to think everyone communicates the way you communicate.

And, okay, I know it's sort of a bitter pill to swallow that maybe you're being over self-pitying because that's what humans tend to do! But I actually think that confronting this in yourself and analyzing if you are just wallowing or if you could be communicating wants/needs better is a good thing! If you read this and immediately are like scoffing and thinking "no way, I DEFINITELY love more than MY UNGRATEFUL friends and family" then I think you need to also look at whether you want to improve your relationships with these people or if you're just committed to the story in your head. And yeah, this sounds harsh, but it's also like fully my lived experience. I grew up an "I love you" girl in a "I will never say those words" family. I spent a long time looking at every relationship (platonic and otherwise) that I had as me, the unlovable, and them the endlessly loved upon. And it wasn't fair to the people I was seeking out, I went in thinking "ugh another person I'm bound to just love more than they love me" I fully was not giving people the chance because I was so stuck inside my own narrative. And oddly enough this sort of realization awoke in me when I was in my senior year of college and I worked on a project with a friend of mine, and we found out we'd both been quietly editing the paper and the powerpoint without talking about it and I was like "oh shit, I bet a lot of people do this and quietly fume about others being 'bad' at this or not contributing, but it's all just because people don't like confrontation and love internally thinking of themselves as the hardest worker.'"

not to sound like an ad, but genuinely the new Watcher podcast that is essentially just facts on a topic is really specifically designed for me. A person who likes to chime in with a little fact. like they got me on this one, for real.