Been feeling like there’s not a lot left in life that motivates me to keep going. Tbh the thought of an unsuccessful suicide is what keeps me from doing it. I don’t need to be woken up to an even worse life than before. But there’s nothing compelling me to stay. I’m tired and bored. I feel different in a bad way. I’m going to die anyway and I don’t look forward to getting older. Like nothing I’m interested in will happen. I don’t like aging. It’s more than superficial, it’s existentially boring. Sorry

Feel like I’m gonna do something I regret out of boredom :( nothing that’s dangerous or life threatening, just potentially bad for self esteem

Now if I could actually meet a person who would love me and be my bff at the same time then that’d be great. Idk if that’s possible for me

Wish I could reclaim the level of horniness I had that allowed me to have sex with minimal connection. Maybe that’s fucked up idk… now it’s like you have to be my best friend and love me so much you’d never want to sleep with someone else in order for me to feel something

I know the hypersensitivity I’m feeling now is due to my period coming up. It sucks how powerful shit like that is because when I’m aware of it, it still happens at full force. I’m aware of the source and the solution would be to sleep and be alone or with a safe person for 48 hours, only drinking water and soup but I can’t. Still have to go to work or participate in whatever obligations I have. It’s better from when I was younger, when the physical symptoms were so severe I’d have to call off everything for the day because I was puking for 8 hours straight. Also I experience less suicidal thoughts on the day before so that’s cool. I’m undiagnosed but I’m sure I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder and endometriosis. Periods suck, but there’s no way what I experience/experienced is normal.

I wish I wasn’t an embarrassingly sensitive person what purpose does it serve?

I’ve never used a dating app and I don’t think I ever will. From what I’ve learned about them they only seem to work for a certain type of person, a certain type that I am not. They come off like a low quality distraction that people use when they’re bored/horny. Don’t need that in my life, seems really dull.