Blue thunder god

A/N: Apology to anyone who might be in the medical field for this and he future couple of chapters, all of this is based on brief research and I have no proper medical knowledge.

-So do whatever it takes 'cause you can't rewind a moment in this life. Let nothin' stand in your way 'cause the hands of time are never on your side-

~X~ JACKIE ~X~ January 1st, 1997 ~X~

The crackling of the fire startled Jackie awake. “Shit,” she cursed, scrambling to sit up, her heart hammering in her chest. How could she have fallen asleep?!

You were sleeping next to her, trembling, wheezing quietly. She reached for you, her shaky fingers brushing a few strands of your hair back. She swallowed the lump in her throat, the sweat under her thumb made a shiver run down her spine. You were still warm, or maybe it was the fire and the ridiculous number of layers she covered you with.

She watched you, focusing on the rising and falling of your chest. Still steady, still with her. Slowly, she pulled her hand back and put your jacket, that fell onto her lap earlier, around her shoulders.

And then the crackling got her attention again. The fire always went out throughout the night. “What?” she asked a bit out of breath as she turned to the fireplace and saw Nat sitting by the fire, warming up a pot. “Nat?” Jackie asked again.

Everyone else seemed to be asleep, but she wasn’t surprised to see Nat awake. “I’m warming up water for the bottles,” Nat whispered, glancing back at Jackie and trying to force a smile and failing. “Besides, I don’t want the fire to go out,” she added, and for the first time Jackie noticed the shadows under Nat’s eyes.

“You need to sleep,” Jackie said as she rolled her shoulders. She felt like she was run over by a truck. Carefully she scooted closer to you and caressed your cheek again. Selfishly she wished you’d open your eyes, just to say you’ll be fine, just to take her hand. You didn’t. Her touch wasn’t enough. ‘Please don’t have a fever,’ she pleaded silently, biting her lower lip.

Nat took the pot off the fire and poured the water into three bottles. “I can’t,” she admitted, her voice breaking as she carefully walked around Travis and Javi and slumped by your other side, her body crumbling under exhaustion. “Please,” Nat offered her one of the bottles with shaky hand.

“She’ll be okay,” Jackie said, more for her own sake as she swapped the bottle on your side with the one Nat just gave her. “She’s always been strong,” she added, taking a cloth and wiping sweat off your forehead. Your entire body shuddered briefly, a chill probably passing through you.

Her chest tightened as she looked at you. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t pretend you were just sleeping. Shauna did this to you. Jackie let out a shaky breath, looking back to where Shauna was. From this distance she couldn’t even tell if Shauna was asleep. For a moment, Jackie’s entire body tensed, screaming at her to move. How could Shauna even think about being near you after what she did?!

She heard Nat’s breath hitching but ignored it, her hand pressing against the floor, her weight shifting. “Jackie, don’t,” Nat warned her immediately, her tone harsh.

Jackie winced, freezing in the middle of getting up and unclenching her other fist. She didn’t even notice she clenched them, and now she had four crescent moons on each palm.

“Don’t,” Nat repeated, even more firmly and Jackie reluctantly sat back down.

“You want me to just stay quiet? Let her get away with this?” Jackie hissed; glaring at Nat because Shauna wasn’t an option. “You weren’t there, Nat,” she was. Jackie had to lie through her teeth just to avoid Shauna hurting you again. She had to drag you; she had to wrestle with her own exhaustion when staying awake felt impossible.

Anger flashed in Nat’s eyes in an instant. “You think I want to stay quiet?” Nat asked incredulously, though she tried to keep her voice down. “Just because you and Y/N got closer it doesn’t mean you’re the only one who cares,” Jackie’s heart skipped a beat at that, her entire body freezing. Nat’s anger immediately vanished and she groaned, burying her face in her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she sobbed, pulling her knees up to her face and curling up where she sat.

Jackie nodded, choosing to lie down next to you instead of continuing the conversation. She didn’t have the energy to help Nat through whatever she was feeling, and for better or for worse, Nat took that as the end of the conversation.

The sound of others sleeping, breathing, remained the only sound aside from the crackling of the flames. Jackie didn’t even dare to imagine what you’d be telling her and Nat right now if you could.

“Fuck,” Nat cursed quietly after a few minutes, yet with how silent the cabin was, Jackie still heard her.

She didn’t look at Nat though; she just looked at your face. She didn’t dare to slip under your blankets, not wanting to disrupt the cocoon her and Nat made for you in any way. Your jacket was enough for her tonight. She pulled your jacket closer, breathing in the lingering scent.

She still reached up, brushing a couple of strands of your hair back. ‘Be okay, please, just be okay,’ she pleaded, your silence feeling even heavier now.

The cabin seemed to become smaller, the stillness of your body making her scoot closer, just to keep a better eye on you. Eventually watching wasn’t enough and she slipped one hand under the blankets, resting it on your chest.

~X~ Y/N ~X~

‘Oh, fuck, it hurts,’ you thought as you blinked, trying to clear your vision. Everything felt heavy, each breath. “Too many blankets,” you muttered weakly, trying to get up but only managing to prop yourself up on your elbows. Still, even that much made breathing a bit easier.

The heavy layers you were buried under were finally removed and you opened your eyes again, the entire room spinning before a very blurry Jackie came into view. “Sorry, I was worried you’d be cold,” Jackie said, chuckling awkwardly. “Too much?” she asked, pressing her palm to your forehead. You shuddered, her hands were freezing cold and you leaned your head to the side, fleeing from the cold.

Jackie’s breath hitched and she quickly pulled her hand back. “Cold,” you muttered weakly, trying to ignore the dizziness. You groaned softly as you pushed yourself to sit up. “I’m okay, just tired,” you said, noticing Jackie reaching out to help you, but freezing, afraid of making things worse. ‘What am I going to do with you, Captain?’

“Do you need anything?” Jackie asked as your vision finally cleared enough to see her eyes watering before she quickly wiped the tears away.

You nodded, managing a small smile. “You. Come here,” you muttered, raising one arm and she immediately closed the distance, burying her face in the crook of your neck.

Jackie trembled against you, one hand tangled in your hair, the other grasping desperately at the damp back of your shirt. You moved your arm, resting it around her shoulders and your head dropped a bit. “What’s wrong?” Jackie immediately asked, pulling back as you sat there, slowly rubbing your eyes.

“I’m just sleepy,” you muttered, shaking your head slightly to try and wake up, but all that did was make you more dizzy. “And thirsty,” you added, pushing the blankets and everything else Jackie covered you with all the way off to get up, but Jackie was already on her feet, pouring what looked like pine tea into a mug.

“Don’t push yourself,” she said, kneeling by your side and giving you the mug. She didn’t let go though, and with how much your hands were shaking, you were glad she didn’t. “Small sips, Misty’s orders,” she added, taking a moment to wipe sweat off your forehead.

You just nodded, finally looking around and realizing everyone else was gone. “Where-“ you suddenly began coughing, hunching over, the pain in your chest getting worse as you slumped right into Jackie’s arms.

Jackie choked up, rubbing your back as your coughing passed and you took several ragged breaths and closed your eyes, resting against her. “This tea better work,” she pleaded and demanded at the same time, not even talking to you in particular, as she brought the tea mug back to your lips.

‘I’m okay, it’s just sore throat,’ you desperately tried to convince yourself and stay calm. Obediently, you drank in small sips, feeling a bit better. “Others?” you managed to ask as Jackie kept rubbing your back.

“Most of them are just outside, it snowed a bit this morning, so they are cleaning the snow and bringing more wood for the fireplace. And Travis and Akilah went to try and hunt,” she said and you nodded, breathing a bit easier.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, hesitating, not sure if you wanted to even talk about it, but you couldn’t avoid it. For a moment you weren’t in the cabin. You were eight and watching your father helping your pregnant mother get in the car, only to later come back alone. You squeezed your eyes shut, forcing those memories to the back of your mind. “And Shauna?” you forced the question out.

Jackie stiffened beside you, her arms tightening around you. “Nothing,” she said, her voice trembling. “She’s just here and I haven’t done anything about it,” she berated herself and you brought your hand up, caressing her cheek.

A heavy feeling set in your heart, anger and relief mixing in a strange concoction. “Captain,” you said, turning slightly to look at her. “I’m alive, she’s pregnant,” you said quietly, each word tearing through your throat, draining you of what little strength you had left.

Jackie swallowed and bit her lower lip. You smiled weakly, brushing your thumb over her lip to release it. “That’s no excuse. She could have,” her voice cracked. “You nearly died,” she finished, pulling you closer like she couldn’t bear to let go of you anymore.

You wanted so badly to make Shauna pay for nearly killing you. “It’s not an excuse,” you took a deep, shaky breath. “But she’s seven months pregnant.” You couldn’t bear the thought of putting a pregnant woman at risk

Jackie closed her eyes, frowning like she didn’t agree. “Pregnancy doesn’t mean protection,” she said bitterly, too caught up in anger to think clearly.

No matter how angry Jackie was, she’d never forgive herself if she in any way caused Shauna to lose her baby. Neither would you, or Nat. “It does to me. Trust me, it just does,” you didn’t have the strength to open up about your mom, not now. “Please, Captain,” you whispered, coughing once more.

Jackie finally nodded, reluctantly, like she was forcing herself to do it, but she did. “If something happens to you though,” she warned fiercely.

“Nothing will happen to me,” you promised and, even as it took all the strength you had, found it in you to hug her a bit tighter.

~X~ MISTY ~X~

‘Why me? Why is it always me?’ the thought crossed her mind again, bitter, lonely, too loud to be ignored when it came to her mind at the worst of times. Each step through the endless, cold snow felt like cruelty. She had been pulling the shit bucket duty for the past two weeks; at this point Misty was sure someone was rigging the cards.

The stench was awful and she couldn’t even get it off anymore. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault they all went crazy. It wasn’t her fault. Yet even after more than two months they all still ostracized her like she was the cause of their every misfortune.

Jackie and you even reconciled with Mari and Akilah, they could be forgiven, but Misty? No. Not her.

Misty stopped by the cliff, pausing and looking down. The harsh rocks the snow didn’t stick to looked like rotten teeth of a jaw ready to swallow her, if she only took another step. Just one step.

Maybe then they’d care. A thought she didn’t recognize as entirely her own crossed her mind and she paled, closing her eyes. Like any of them would come looking for her.

Misty shook her head, she had to empty the bucket, but her body didn’t move. “Even yesterday,” she whispered to herself, swallowing the lump in her throat and emptying the bucket.

They finally needed her again, and they still treated her like she was a nuisance they had to tolerate to survive. A chuckle escaped her throat. Yeah, that was all she was, wasn’t she? A necessary nuisance.

“Uh, hi,” she jumped, nearly stumbling and plummeting to her death at the sound of the voice behind her. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Crystal said sheepishly and Misty turned around, seeing the awkward girl rubbing the back of her neck.

“What do you want?” Misty demanded, feeling more disappointed than glad that Crystal came to talk to her. Why did it have to be Crystal? Like that was what Misty needed, another nobody to drag her further from the team.

Crystal kicked the snow and held her hands behind her back as she swayed back and forth a bit. Misty forced a smile, trying not to show how annoying Crystal’s swaying looked. “I thought, maybe you’d like to stick together?” Crystal asked, slowly and yet the question tore through Misty like a bullet.

“Excuse me? Why?” Misty approached carefully, her heart hammering against her chest as she looked Crystal over. Everything about that offer felt wrong.

Crystal shrugged. “There’s no one else,” she said and somewhere in the back of her mind Misty thought back to Crystal trying to get closer to various girls over the past few months, yet always remaining right on the outskirts, alone and passively rejected. “You saw what happened to Y/N. Being alone is a death sentence.”

Misty’s eyes widened. She was wrong. She was looking for deception when this was nothing but safety in numbers. “You know everyone hates me, right?” Misty still asked, though she already knew the answer as she stared at what could have been her own reflection in a mirror, if she was more athletic.

Crystal gave her a somber, resigned smile. “At least they feel something toward you,” she said and approached, offering her hand. And Misty accepted it. It was, after all, the only logical option.

~X~ NATALIE ~X~

Natalie sat with her back pressed against the meat shed. She was curled up, her head hidden by her forearms and knees. Her teeth chattered, and try as she might, she couldn’t stop her left knee from bouncing.

She kept her eyes closed, the fragmented memory replaying in her mind. Misty shouting orders, Natalie and Jackie taking your clothes off and struggling to get you dressed. She remembered blankets being passed from one person to another, the crackle of flames next to you and her mind pleading for that to be enough. Everyone in the cabin moved almost as one, overcome with the same desperate energy that saved Van’s life.

Somehow you made it through the night. Nat never thanked God or any higher being, but she nearly did it this morning.

The sound of snow crunching under someone’s feet caught her attention, but she didn’t look up. “Hey, I figured you’d be here,” Travis approached her. He sounded worried.

Natalie shrugged, biting her lip as she looked at the snow between her feet. “I had to,” she paused, feeling like something was squeezing her throat. “Jackie is with her,” she eventually muttered, sounding bitter and mentally kicking herself for that.

“Right,” Travis caught her tone, and she waited for him to reprimand her. Yet he never did.

Instead, Travis sat down next to her and pulled her into his side, hugging her. His jacket was still a bit warm; he probably came out looking for her. “Y/N is alive. You found her,” he whispered gently, rubbing her shoulder.

Natalie choked up, her vision blurring at that. “Jackie saved her,” she should be thankful, so why did she feel so awful every time she saw Jackie by your side? Why did it feel like her heart was torn from her chest when the first thing you did when you woke up was look at Jackie?

Natalie bit her lip so hard it made her wince.

Travis noticed and pulled her closer, trembling a bit. “You still found them in time. Don’t downplay what you did,” he said, his breath visible. Yet Natalie just looked toward the cabin.

“I’m not,” she whispered, first tears sliding down her cheeks.

She immediately felt the sting of the cold air on her cheeks. The image of the drag marks in the snow flashed in front of her eyes like a brutal reminder of how much Jackie actually loved you. “Promise not to hate me,” she whispered, wrapping one arm around Travis to ground herself.

Travis hesitated for a moment, taken aback. “I could never hate you,” he promised. Well, that was up for debate, but having no other options, she chose to trust him.

Natalie took a deep, shuddering breath. “I kept telling myself Jackie isn’t good enough for Y/N,” she confessed, swallowing the lump in her throat. “That she could never love Y/N enough,” that Jackie couldn’t love you the way she did. How ridiculous that sounded right now.

Travis’ breath hitched and he cleared his throat. “Well,” he stuttered, shifting a bit where he sat. “Well, you and Y/N are protective of each other,” he said awkwardly. From the corner of her eye, she saw him looking away, his brows furrowed, like he was pushing away some uncomfortable realization. “Best friends and all that,” he added.

Natalie snorted. Sure, that was one way of looking at it, the easiest way for him anyway. She should have seen it coming, really. Jackie, Wiskayok’s spoiled princess, the center of attention wherever she went, realized she loved you and was being utterly, unapologetically, open about it.

Shauna was right. Jackie always got everything she wanted, and she moved through life with that belief.

“She’s selfish, you know,” Natalie spat out, wishing she had the energy to throw her hands up in the air. She was too tired, and with a choked sob she leaned her head back against the cold, harsh wood, feeling the dampness of it. Travis opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it, instead brushing some snow off Natalie’s shoulder.

So, she continued, desperate for relief. “Whether it’s dragging Y/N through snow or walking into any room like she is owed attention, it makes no difference,” and there wasn’t a single person out here with them that had that kind of attitude. “She decides she wants something and the world better bend over backwards to make it happen!”

You were alive because of that. And you were being taken from her because of that. Even if you were never hers to begin with.

You were her safe space, though, and she was your safe space. Yet now it felt like Jackie was coming in and changing everything to suit her.

Travis hummed at that. “I guess?” he shrugged. “I’ve only heard about her,” well, he wasn’t that different from most other people in that regard. “Isn’t that a good thing for Y/N? Like, Jackie likes her back,” he pointed out and Natalie felt like her whole world was spinning.

“I guess,” she muttered, hiding her reaction. “Still, selfish,” Natalie added, looking up at the cloudy sky.

Travis’ hold on her loosened a bit, like he saw right through her.

“I could never,” she didn’t finish that sentence, she didn’t have to. She could never be that decisive, she didn’t grow up with that luxury. Even as she leaned closer to Travis, resting her cheek on his chest and squeezing her eyes shut, she felt like she missed her chance.

It didn’t matter anymore, though. Jackie loved you more than Natalie ever could have.

~X~ JACKIE ~X~ January 2nd, 1997 ~X~

The scent of marmot meat being cooked made Jackie’s stomach twist. It was so heavy, making her feel sick after basically surviving on fish. Hell, last night she barely kept it down. You didn’t, though. You threw it up barely ten minutes later.

Jackie dreaded seeing you like that again tonight. On your knees, cold sweat dripping down your face as you vomited in the snow, clutching at your stomach.

“Here, it’s the last of it,” Nat approached her with two bowls of meat, two small pieces in each one.

Jackie’s eyes widened at that, her heart skipping a beat as she looked at the team. They just sat there in silence, defeated, pushing their food in their bowls like they were trying to postpone this as long as they could. The last of it. Nothing else left. Travis and Akilah managed to bring it yesterday after weeks of not finding anything.

There wasn’t any fish left either. What you and Jackie caught at the lake was gone, taken. When Tai, Van, Melissa and Mari went to get the net, buckets and your backpack they found the bucket and the net empty, and it looked like something bit through the net. Just another source of anxiety.

Jackie nodded, smiling at Nat as she took the bowls and set them on the floor. Guilt gnawed at her, she didn’t want to wake you up yet, but she had to. “Y/N, hey,” she gently called your name, placing one hand on your shoulder and the other on your cheek.

Nat stepped away, and Jackie missed the way she bit her lip, her focus entirely on you.

You frowned, leaning into her touch.

Jackie rubbed your shoulder and you blinked a few times, groaning weakly. “That’s it, take your time,” she didn’t rush you, gently coaxing you into waking up.

“Captain,” you muttered, your voice painfully weak and hoarse from coughing. Jackie helped you sit up a bit before bringing a mug with water to your lips.

“Small sips, baby,” she brushed a few strands from your forehead and your eyes finally opened. With a bit of support from Jackie you sat up, clearly exhausted despite sleeping. ‘It’ll pass,’ she thought, ignoring her fears.

Jackie checked your shirt, it was a bit damp, but you were already uncomfortable as it was and she didn’t want to push you into changing it for you again. “I’ll dry your back, okay,” she said instead, getting one of her shirts to use as a cloth.

“Thanks,” you said softly, pulling your shirt halfway over your back for her as she spilled water onto the shirt and used it to wipe the sweat. You trembled, clenching your teeth as the cold shirt touched your skin.

“Just a bit more,” she muttered, kissing your shoulder as she patted your neck dry as well. “There, that’s better,” she whispered in your ear, setting the damn shirt aside.

You nodded, slumping forward and coughing a few times as Jackie sat down next to you. You looked at the marmot meat and exhaled. “I’m gonna throw up again, aren’t I?” you asked, sounding so painfully tired Jackie’s heart ached.

“Probably,” she couldn’t even lie to you as you took the bowl and took the first bite, chewing slowly. “I’ll be with you,” she promised and you nodded, managing to smile.

“You make it very difficult to complain,” you said, looking at her with so much softness in your eyes that Jackie’s throat tightened. Even now, even in this state.

“Good,” she managed to blurt out, taking her own bowl.

~X~ JACKIE ~X~

You did throw up, and Jackie was by your side, helping you through it. And now you were sitting on the porch, leaning back against Jackie. She hugged you tightly from behind, making sure the blanket she brought outside was securely around you.

“Thanks,” you muttered, trembling a bit, but at least your eyes were focused now.

You relaxed and Jackie hummed softly, just a random tune though it did vaguely remind her of some melody you played on your guitar. It didn’t last long though, as a coughing fit made you sit up straight and clutch at your chest. Jackie was immediately by your side, rubbing your back. “Maybe we should go inside,” she said softly.

You kept coughing, your entire body shaking with each cough tearing through you. “Oh, fuck,” you muttered, catching your breath when the coughing finally stopped. “The air is stale,” you muttered, leaning back against her. Jackie bit her lip, nodding. Misty did mention that fresh air, even if it was cold, would help, but she still didn’t like exposing you to the cold.

She heard footsteps coming from the cabin and looked back, seeing Nat coming out with a mug in her hands. “Hey, how are you holding up?” she asked, crouching by your side and checking your forehead for fever. It was subtle, but her breath hitched.

You shrugged. “Like I wanna sue this place,” you said dryly, taking the mug.

“Get in line, smartass,” Nat lightly nudged your shoulder, but she looked at Jackie, realizing what Jackie had known for a while now. Your fever wasn’t dropping.

“You look horrible,” you muttered, your head falling back against Jackie’s shoulder slightly. “When’s the last time you slept?” you asked. Jackie paused; she was so focused on you that she didn’t notice she never saw Nat sleeping since you got back to the cabin.

Nat chuckled helplessly, sitting down instead of crouching. “You’re sleeping for the rest of us,” she teased. “Catching up on your beauty sleep?”

Jackie snorted. “You’re so mean,” she shook her head, but she could see the grin appearing on your face.

“That’s what keeps her going,” you teased back, finally getting Nat to laugh after way too many days like this. “Seriously, Nat, go to sleep,” you added seriously and reached up, brushing a strand of Nat’s hair back. “Collapsing won’t do anyone any good.”

Nat nodded at that, catching your hand before it could drop and holding it against her cheek for a bit. She struggled to keep her eyes open, and you playfully flicked her chin. “Sleep, now.”

Jackie chuckled at that and Nat rolled her eyes but stood up, finally going inside and lying down by the fire. “Want to stay a bit longer?” she asked and you just nodded, closing your eyes.

For a moment, Jackie thought you fell asleep like that, but then you smiled and took her hand. “Just another minute,” you said softly and Jackie nodded, closing her own eyes and giving you that minute.

With the soft breeze and the quiet all around you two it was almost too easy to, even for just a bit, pretend everything was fine. So, Jackie pretended, feeling her own tension slowly easing as she held you.

By the time you went back into the cabin you looked better, like the fresh air gave you a bit of a second wind. You even walked into the cabin on your own, a bit unsteady, but on your own, nonetheless. Jackie’s heart fluttered in her chest at that. ‘She’ll be fine,’ she thought, looking at your back.

“Fell asleep quickly, I see,” you whispered, approaching Nat with a wide smile on your face.

“Finally,” Travis said as he tucked Nat in. “She worries too much,” he added, eying you carefully. Jackie tilted her head at that, not sure if she missed something.

“You can say that again,” you took a sip of water from the mug Nat brought you earlier, clearing your throat a bit. You rolled your shoulders and neck, taking a deep breath as you stepped away from Nat, each movement looking sluggish and slow, but still steadier than before.

“Jackie, how is she?” she heard Taissa asking her as Jackie walked by the main group.

Jackie paused, seeing their concern. Even Lottie looked at her with a somber expression on her face. For a moment they looked almost exactly like they did back when she told them about Kimberly blackmailing you before the semifinals. “She’s not out of the woods yet,” she said quietly. “But it’s Y/N, she’ll be fine,” she added, fully believing that. You turned around at that and grinned at her, winking.

“I haven’t thanked you for yesterday,” you paused. “Or was it two days ago now? Anyway, thanks,” you said, walking over to Jackie and wrapping one arm around her shoulders to lean on her.

Mari snorted at that. “Token gratitude accepted, but it was all your two girls,” she gestured at Jackie and Nat. Jackie blushed at that, still not used to other people openly recognizing what the two of you were. Even if Mari included Nat as well. “And Misty, telling us what to do,” Mari added.

You rolled your eyes. “Still, let’s just say we’re even for Doomcoming,” you said and Jackie’s eyes widened at that and it was like everyone’s jaws collectively dropped, for some literally.

“Well, damn,” Mari blurted out and then clasped a hand over her mouth when Akilah elbowed her lightly.

Jackie frowned, feeling your weight on her shoulders and she blinked the tears away. You were too weak not to rely on the rest of the team, and she wasn’t going to leave your side.

“We need to regroup, or we’ll starve,” you said, taking another sip from the mug so your voice wasn’t too hoarse.

“What even is the point anymore?” Britt commented bitterly, she was sitting in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest.

Taissa looked at Van, exchanging concerned looks before turning her attention back to the main issue. “We should probably start by fixing the net,” she said.

“Y/N can’t work outside, or at all, really,” Akilah argued, reminding everyone that even after this much time you were still the only one who knew how to handle the net.

You faked a hurt gasp. “Writing me off already, that hurts,” you chuckled, lifting their spirits a bit. “I can show you how to tie the knots, after that it’s simple, even a rough patch will do for now,” you said and it finally looked like there was a plan on how to go forward slowly forming.

A huff from the other corner of the cabin made Jackie freeze on the spot, her heart beating faster as she struggled not to react. ‘She’s not worth it,’ she kept repeating in her head.

She tried, she really did. She gripped the back of your shirt, leaned closer to you, reminded herself you were by her side. And yet as she closed her eyes Jackie saw it again, the moment Shauna pushed you.

“Captain, she’s pregnant,” you whispered just for her to hear, masking the whisper by kissing the side of her head. Jackie swallowed the lump in her throat.

Jackie took a deep breath at that, trying to get the state Shauna has been in since two days ago out of her head. The girl spent every moment in silence unless she was spoken to, eating mechanically, pretending she was nothing but a dark, brooding ghost living with them.

Jackie caught her looking at you from time to time, sometimes like she wanted to apologize, but didn’t know how to. Sometimes like she wanted to get up and finish what she started.

As it was, Jackie wasn’t sure she was ready for either of those options.

“God, you’re just something else, aren’t you?” Shauna snapped and the entire cabin somehow became several degrees colder. Taissa got up and went over to Shauna, though not quickly enough as Shauna already got up, her chair scraping against the wooden floor.

“Shauna, think about the baby,” Taissa tried and Jackie looked back, seeing Melissa on Shauna’s other side and Gen sitting nearby as well. Guess that was Shauna’s choice now. A part of Jackie, the part she wished no longer existed, couldn’t help but thinking it was quite a downgrade.

“Don’t you dare use that against me,” Shauna warned and turned her attention toward you.

Jackie looked at her, unable to even recognize the girl anymore. Her former best friend was still somewhere under whatever this was, she could see the remorse in Shauna’s eyes, buried deep under resentment. Something squeezed at Jackie’s chest; all the years her and Shauna spent together, and this was what their friendship turned into.

It crashed and burnt and nearly cost you your life, and Jackie felt like a part of that was on her.

“Is this your idea of punishing me? Huh, Y/N? You just pretend I don’t exist?” Shauna demanded and Jackie’s jaw clenched. You turned around with a sigh, stepping toward Shauna with no one but Taissa between you.

“First of all, giving you any reaction is exactly what you want, second of all, you’re pregnant,” you said simply, looking right at Shauna with your head held up high. You took a deep breath, only for your breath to hitch and another coughing fit overcame you.

Jackie rushed to your side, keeping you upright, and then you chuckled as you looked at Shauna. “Like looking in a fucked up mirror,” you sighed and stumbled to your bedding. “We’ll talk, don’t you worry,” you promised her and Shauna slumped forward a bit, like that ridiculous sentence suddenly made something inside her crack.

It took her a moment, and she was shaking, but Shauna looked at you again, her eyes brimming with angry, unshed tears. “I’m nothing like you, Y/N, you’re,” Shauna breathed in sharply. “You’re nothing. You’re obsessed with being whatever others need you to be,” she half-spat, half-sobbed like she wanted to say that for months.

The temperature dropped and all eyes turned toward you, Jackie’s included. And you? You just smirked, like those words sounded hollow to you. You raised your arms in surrender and leaned back against the wall. “And you’re what happens,” you took a deep breath, swallowing so you wouldn’t cough again, “when that comes with believing you’re owed something in return,” you shrugged, not even denying Shauna’s words.

Shauna’s eyes flashed with anger and yet you sat there, waiting, watching as Taissa dragged Shauna outside.

And Jackie sat by your side, feeling like her heart was breaking in two. ‘Why didn’t you deny it?’ helplessly crossed her mind, the thought she kept ignoring every time it emerged from the back of her mind now painfully present at the forefront of her mind.

~X~ Y/N ~X~ January 3rd, 1997 ~X~

When you got up the next morning everyone was still asleep. It was early morning, from the bit of sunlight coming through the window. So, very carefully to avoid waking Jackie up, you untangled yourself from the ridiculous pile of blankets and jackets she covered you with and stepped outside.

The fresh air immediately made it easier to breathe, even if the annoying persistent chest pain remained. You stood at the top of the stairs, stretching a bit and rolling your neck. “Yup, being sick still sucks,” you couldn’t even remember the last time you got sick, but you recognized this misery.

You cleared your throat, a wet cough followed and you closed your eyes, annoyed more than anything. “Stupid cold,” you muttered, heading to the meat shed to check on the net.

You had no energy, barely dragging your feet through the snow, but you convinced yourself this much shouldn’t be an issue. You spent past two days sleeping, surely by now you were feeling better. The fever was just your body fighting the cold, you were fine. At least that was the mantra you kept repeating to yourself, forcing yourself to believe that you were feeling better, that there was no need to panic.

Finally, you reached the meat shed and the net hung from the side of it. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you reached for the damaged ropes. A few were loose, but that was easy to fix. You were more worried about the bits of the net that were chewed through. “What did this?” you wondered, though you genuinely had no clue. Probably not a bear? Unless it was light enough to get on the ice.

Either way, the damage wasn’t too bad.

You stumbled back a bit and closed your eyes, your body suddenly breaking into cold sweat, the fever getting the better of you. Maybe heading outside on your own wasn’t the smartest idea. “Jackie is going to scold me so much,” you muttered and turned around to head back to the cabin.

And then it happened, suddenly, violently, a harsh coughing fit overwhelmed you, making you lean forward. You clutched your chest with one hand, the other covering your mouth as you coughed. A helpless groan tore through your throat, the trees ahead of you doubling for a moment.

Slowly it was coming to an end, coughing easing up a bit. Just as you thought it was over, something wet and sticky hit your palm, and you choked up, the metallic scent overwhelming you. You held your breath, all the sounds around you faded away, aside from the ringing in your ears. You clenched your fist, your fingertips touching whatever you coughed up.

You dropped to your knees, the snow immediately soaking the fabric of your sweatpants as you stared ahead into the forest. And then slowly, with your hand trembling, you brought it up, open.

Blood stained your palm.

Bright red, mixed with some mucus.

You dropped your hand into the snow, wiping it clean. You looked back toward the cabin, your eyes wide and unfocused and it felt like everything around you was spinning. ‘It’s over,’ you thought, still tasting the blood.

And just like that, you felt your body catch up with what was happening to it. Like seeing the blood unleased an avalanche. It felt like you were burning up from the inside, your mind suddenly becoming aware of how much each breath hurt,

The red stain in the white snow broke every lie you’ve been telling yourself for the past day and you couldn’t even cry. You didn’t feel anything, not fear, not dread, nothing, you just knew there was nothing you or anyone else could do. For once you didn’t even wonder what you should do, knowing there was a good chance you were counting down days.