"ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴏғ sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ"

[ @climhazzards | x ]

Ever since he’d been young, Zack was taught that the mark on his wrist would indicate the one person he was meant to be with. The lifestream dictated the best cycle of life – and the best cycle of life was predetermined the instant someone was born. It’d been two years before he earned his mark, but once he did, he had admired how it’d look, and he’d been so busy doing that that he paid scarce attention to the deep words passed onto him by his mother and father. Telling him what he was supposed to do, where he was supposed to go, who he might be with. They’d told him to check the mark with anyone he met, but for the most part, he decided not to. After all, it was just a mark, right? Not something to think about so seriously, and even the few people who did manage to convince him, he never matched.

It’d been like that throughout his life… Throughout his life until he met Cloud. There was just something about him that drew him, sucked upon his life force, and he needed to know more about the boy. That spurred him on to draw closer and closer, until eventually they came to this point with the two of them sitting down on a bedside, comparing wrists.

And the marks had been exactly the same.

The thought…scared him. If it had been with a girl, he probably would’ve shrugged it off as superstition, but with Cloud it was different. He didn’t know how exactly, and that just made it even more nervewracking. So he said what he did. He apologized for it turning out this way. That he was bad at soulmates, bad at keeping with people; he’d kissed girls, he’d run around on adventures, and yet…

… When he saw those marks, it’d been like something clicked into place. Like suddenly, the world made sense, and questions he didn’t realize he’d asked had been answered. And Cloud, well… The thought of Cloud being his soulmate wasn’t that bad, if he really thought about it. He kind of wanted to see where this led. What the lifestream destined for them.

His heart, then, got stuck in his throat when Cloud sniffled, coughed, and absolved him of any need to do anything for him. To love him, to stay committed to him, to be his soulmate… And ironically, seeing the suffering that Cloud endured, seeing how horribly he hurt himself over this, made up Zack’s mind for him.

He reached out, gently brushing his thumb over that mark, a mark that Cloud obviously tried so hard to rub out, a mark that he wanted to soothe with his own fingers and bring to life like it was supposed to. Like they were supposed to.

“Cloud… That’s not what I meant when I said that,” he murmured. “I never said I didn’t wanna be. I just said I’m not good at it.” Because it was fair to give a warning, right? If this would be their fate, then he should know about all this in advance. He should know about him. He should allow those secrets to lay bare for Cloud to see. “I…do wanna be. I wanna love you. I wanna be your soulmate. I wanna be committed to you.”

        That mark had always been a curse of some kind, it didn't take Cloud many years to realise that. His father had been the one to tell him of how his marking meant that someone special was out there waiting for him, told him that he'd enrich that someone special's life once they finally found each other. However, Cloud had nearly gotten someone he believed had the same mark as his own killed when he followed her up Mount Nibel.

        He'd tried everything since, scrubbing, peeling off the skin, purposefully dragging his razor over the mark firmly and cutting the skin. It was always there though, always healed exactly the same, showed through every wound.

        Enrich someone's life? It wouldn't have been the first time his father had been wrong about him. Cloud couldn't enrich Zack's, he couldn't do anything for Zack but ruin him. He had a good mind to run, spring up from the bed where they were sat and into the bathroom to claw the skin off of his wrist but--

        Zack took it. Brought his wrist close and let his thumb caress the mark as if his touch could soothe the pain it had been through, the look he gave his wrist mirroring that sentiment with how soft it was.

        Cloud breathed, shimmering blue eyes softening as he relaxed slightly, watching as Zack bared his heart to him. Zack clearly didn't understand how dangerous Cloud was when it came to love. "There's a difference between wanting and being... But, either way, I don't want you to be weighed down by this.

        "Some people say it only means that our lifestream energy was spliced from the same rope. It doesn't mean anything of soulmates since we're all connected via the lifestream anyway..." His gaze averting from Zack, bringing his wrist back once more so he could cover it with his own hand. "Besides, you have so much ahead of you. I don't want you to hold yourself back for me, over some stupid popular theory."

Bitter Soulmates Prompts || xxx

         Such a heavy topic that Cloud hadn’t wanted to engage in, but that mark upon Zack’s wrist had been unmistakable, exactly the same as his own. Same patterns, same faded lines, same curls. Cloud knew it well, he’d carried it since birth, indicating that his soulmate was already alive by the time he was born.

         Zack had carried his since the moment Cloud entered the world, right? He was older by a few years, but it seemed as if he’d chosen to ignore it whilst Cloud studied his, wondering who he was connected to. He had hoped it had been that girl back home, he’d never seen her mark up close.

         Now here he was though, wrist out stretched next to Zack’s, examining the markings, checking for any difference after they’d both managed to catch a glimpse of each others. Cloud’s heart sunk, his throat became dry, palms sweaty. 

         Why Zack? Anyone but Zack? Someone so bright and bold didn’t deserve to be bogged down by Cloud’s weight, no one deserved that actually, and perhaps the redness of Cloud’s wrist revealed that, showing where Cloud had scrubbed and scrubbed at that marking to try and get it to peel away in the shower every night.

         ‘I’m not very good with commitment, or soulmates, or love.’

         And Zack shouldn’t have to be, he was free, he lived. Cloud was the clip being attached to his wings. He shouldn’t have to change for him.

         Bloodshot and puffy eyes glanced up at Zack, before Cloud took his wrist away from Zack’s to wipe at the corners of his eyes, sniffling once as he shook his head. “You don’t have to be,” he muttered, coughed, tried to pass off the quivering of his lips as him just having a cold or something. “You don’t have to do anything. Not commit to me, be my soulmate, love me, anything… They’re just markings caused by the lifestream. The same marking equals soulmates thing is just popular belief, I’m sure…

“Nope. Been too busy to get one. An’… Well, y’don’t really think much about Christmas when you have to spend it alone.” Oh. That turned out more somber than Zack had thought it would when it left his lips. He kept his smile broad – he didn’t want Cloud to feel bad for him. After all, he was going to be spending this holiday season with him anyway, right?

“Let’s do that, then! Right now. You ready to go?” Well, if they were going to talk about it, they might as well go through with it, right?

        Cloud had thought it was pretty sad, but gods it sounded sadder coming from the usual cheery Zack. Of all the people in the world to be alone, Zack didn't strike as one of them with how lively and friendly he was. Cloud would have thought there would have been many women in Zack's life to keep him occupied over the holidays, but instead... It was just him. Not much of an achievement, but Cloud would try his hardest.

        He failed at absolutely everything else it seemed, so maybe for once he could succeed in making someone feel comfortable in company.

Well, that was certainly true… They couldn’t just walk up to the doors of the SOLDIERs. Zack would, but he wasn’t about to drag Cloud into trouble for a prank. If he was going to do something like that, he was better off going about it entirely by himself, rather than having Cloud take any brunt of the blame. Sure, it was just caroling, nothing that serious, but still…

“Singin’ indoors sounds fun! We could put on some Christmas tunes… Maybe we could get some sweets, too. Whaddaya say? We can go out to the store just to buy a whole bunch. I wonder if I could fit a small Christmas tree in my flat…” Yep, Zack was coming up with other plans now. Cloud kickstarted it for him.

        "You don't have a tree?" It was going to be Christmas eve soon and Zack didn't even have a tree? Okay sure, neither did Cloud, but Cloud lived in a tiny shared apartment, Zack had his own flat! He'd probably been busy too, since he was SOLDIER and Cloud wasn't, but Zack just seemed like the type.

        Cloud could see Zack decorating as soon as November hit, could see him being the first to wake everyone up on Christmas day. So it was almost sad thinking that Zack hadn't done any of that.

Why would he want to spend time with Cloud? Well – for one thing, Cloud was overthinking it. For another, Zack had already been nice and cozy with the boy before then. Why wouldn’t he want to spend time with Cloud would be a better question to ask, because the former just seemed so obvious.

“Carollin’, huh…” Zack certainly grinned at that idea. “Where would we go for that? An’ I totally wanna be in costume. It’s not festive enough without it!” He nudged Cloud. “You should be, too.”

        That was a good question, where exactly would they go carolling? Midgar was an entirely different place compared to Nibelheim, it was on a whole over continent after all. Did people even carol in Midgar? Clearly Zack had heard of it, but Gongaga wasn't all that far from Nibelheim compared to Midgar.

With the sweet face that Cloud gave him, how could Zack ever say no? Not that he would have intended to – as soon as it was suggested, Zack didn’t want anything more than that.

“I’d love to!” He reached out, taking the boy’s hands. “I mean, I kinda thought that was what we were gonna do anyway… But thanks for confirming you’re up for it for me.” He rubbed his thumbs into his knuckles. “What would you like to do, man? I mean, I mentioned the costumes, but we could do anything.”

        Somewhere in his mind Cloud had been expecting Zack to say he had plans, despite how the older teen had already made out that he wanted to spend time with him. Because why would a first class SOILDER want to spend time with a lowly infantryman like himself? Surely they were others much more fun who could keep up with Zack, who weren't lacking in energy and skill like Cloud was.

“Well… I can’t, really.” That took a somber tone. “I gotta be here in case they call me out for missions. An’ Gongaga’s pretty far away, so it’d take me a while to get there. I’d have to plan a whole week ahead.” Zack smiled again. “But hey, I got my family here, right? Like you!”

        Good!

        Well... Not really, it was kind of sad still, even if it was the answer Cloud was hoping for.