I'm working on it.

If you have to put sunscreen on a child who is under the age of 4, the easiest possible place is in a swing at the playground. Literally strip them down to their skivvies, put them in the swing, and enjoy that their legs and arms are totally out and they can't move away. Bonus is that they think it's HILARIOUS.

Keep a first aid kit in the trunk of your car.

A 'go-bag' makes it so much easier to say yes to adventures. Ours has a ziplock with swimsuits (hand-me down ones are ideal), a couple towels, sunscreen, and then it's so easy to throw in snacks or whatever else we need and get out of the house.

I've still been lurking but... this was always the place I vented about foster care and externally processed so my brain didn't implode.

Now, life is... nice? My kids are so dang cool. What's amazing is that I'm finding more and more that I enjoy their personalities and company as humans.

I said no to the third sibling. This is baby Jasmine who lives just a couple miles away and absolutely is doted on and adored by her mom. Does her mom do things that I wouldn't do? Yes, absolutely. But is she loved and cared for? Whole heartedly, yes.

And yet... I sometimes think I should have said yes. I said no for the family I have - because saying yes would have meant that my oldest kid got lost and I wasn't willing to do that. Saying yes would have meant saying no to the job that I generally love and find a lot of meaning in (even though I'm actually totally fine with it if they fire me).

Kids are good. After more than 3 years, Ian is about to be adopted. Lil' sis (Jasmine) is doing well with her mom (who is also about to adopt her). We miss Ellie and got a rare text back from our video message to her guardian singing her happy birthday.

Husband has a (Boring for him but pays well) job which has a weird schedule but it allows him to see the kids and be around for all their events. Last year he had this shocking revelation - he realized that his dad had all these intense hobbies and did all these (important to him) projects all throughout Husband's childhood only because he didn't go to any of Husband's childhood stuff... Not up until it intersected with his own interests which was when Husband was in high school.

Anyway, husband has been really enjoying the part of his job that means he's around for all the kid stuff.

My littlest dude has gone to school without a pull-up two days in a row.

I have (sadly) become important at work. I am several people's boss' boss. Actually. you could probably add a layer or two in there...

Yesterday we had something that had to be done that day. Finally, at 6:30, the manager who reports to me reaches out and tells me he's stuck. There's a spreadsheet with a model and one line isn't working.

Ian is 2 1/2 but a very bright kid. Ginny is 4 and has been practicing writing all of our names and our last name. "Mommy LastName, Daddy Lastname, Ranger Lastname, Ginny Lastname, Ian Lastname."

Then Ranger pipes up, 'Actually - his last name is FirstLast. Like yours before you were adopted!'

Ginny, 'OHHHH. Okay!'

Ian - 'DAT NOT MY NAME. I (nickname) LastName.'

Ginny (in a sassy know it all four year old tone) - Well. We need to write what our FULL name is. Like I'm Virginia, not just Ginny.'

Ian - 'No. I (nickname) Lastname. You write Nickname Lastname.'

Let me start by saying that Ginny and Ian's birth mom is somebody who I can never really get mad at... like, I'll admit that with Ellie's parents, I would sometimes get mad at her parents.

'Do better for your kids. Stop doing awful things and leaving them to pick up the pieces.' type stuff. Not even related to me, moreso just that kind of 'Ugh, stop sucking' rage that I think we can relate to.

Ginny and Ian (and Jasmine)'s mom is something else entirely. Fun story - she just disappeared for a year. She called the worker to 'say hi' but refused to talk about the case. She said again that she 'knows she doesn't have parental rights to Ian anymore but does want to visit Jasmine.'

I will have to be a human in 6 hours. I will have to convince 3 semi-sentient beings that they need to wear clean underwear and socks and appropriate clothes. I should go to sleep.

Oh, and in case anybody is wondering, even though Ian's case has been incredibly uncomplicated (reunification is not an option), various bizarre things mean that kiddo is still in limbo.

Ian is now almost 2 1/2. He's now a month older than Ginny was when Ian came to live with us. It's wild because it feels like we're finally moving forward. I'm genuinely happy to have 'kids', not babies.

Yesterday, we took the kids skiing at our little local ski mountain. Ranger is a better skier than I will ever be and was spinning laps with my husband while I had Ginny and Ian on a small gentle area where the kiddos can learn to slow, steer, and stop. Ginny showed me she can stop, she can turn, she can stay on her feet!! We're going to go out with the leashes soon and I'm genuinely excited to see what she can do.

Poor Ian... we discovered that his feet must have grown from when we got his boots and we could not fit his feet in his ski boots... so poor kid was literally holding his skis copying his big sis going down the hill. We got that sorted and... I might just bring the kids skiing after work tonight. I might have Ranger help us teach the little ones to ski...

We're going to visit the 'fun aunt and uncle' for Thanksgiving. Fun Aunt and Uncle are JAZZED about having my kiddos visit. I'm psyched for the first time in years about Thanksgiving.

I asked the boys what they wanted to do with Fun Aunt and Uncle. Oldest? "I would really like to watch Home Alone 2 with them. Last time, they showed me Home Alone for the first time and it was awesome, so this time it would be fun to watch Home Alone 2." Agreed kiddo, great idea.

Youngest kid? "I eat cheese with (Fun Aunt)."

TW: Pet Loss

Following up on last week - it was the right decision. 100%. I had guilt that I was being selfish and worrying about logistics, but once we made the call... it was so clear that it was the right one.

Our good boy crossed the rainbow bridge laying in the backyard with my oldest 2 kids, my husband, and I all loving on him. I kept saying 'thank you' to my doggie who truly is the start of us being a family.

Honestly, we're all good. Like, it was truly peaceful and beautiful. Logistically though, it's so weird to not have a dog as we've had a dog for basically the entirety of our adult lives. We're taking a break until the kids are a little more self sufficient.

TW - Old doggie coming to the end of his days.

Sorry, I don't know where to put these feelings.

We have just the best pup. He's 14 1/2, a lab, and has been with us since he was a tiny puppy. He was my company when it was just my husband and I and husband travelled for work. He's been with us through kids and fostering and everything. I've also had and lost pets before but this is my first one where we are the adults making the call.

He's 14 1/2. He honestly did incredible up until maybe 9 months ago. He has arthritis, but now he can't get up without help. In the past week or two, we've seen a rapid deterioration... both husband and I have come to terms that it's not getting better.

I think it's the 'when' that's the hardest part. I've known that it's going to happen and honestly the last 3 years have felt like such a gift. We talk openly with our kids about it and they know that he's very old and likely will die soon. A couple things have happened in the past week which are red flags that the time is coming sooner...

Ah yes. It's that time of year where I write a little blurb for the caseworker to use in Ian's permanency report.

So the trial (yeah, that trial) for Ian has started.

Case worker had told me that it was filed and what the court date was. She also mentioned that she didn't expect anything to happen at court. I emailed her asking if I was allowed to go. I didn't get a response.

So... I went. And it was just a scheduling thing ultimately (of course, dysfunction was present...) But I 100% got a slap on the wrist email a few days later. Apparently I 'might need to testify' so I can't go. Case worker was a lil' sassy in the email but also acknowledged that she never got back to me.