never lost and never found

one of them that stuck to me the most was that you truly will burn out or eventually be unable to function if you pursue solely the academics-only tunnel vision; working hard at the cost of your health means nothing in the long term because it. is. unsustainable. they said they hit straight a's first semester and then they were hit with such intense burnout and depression they only barely passed the semesters after. and unfortunately i guess i've redone that exact situation myself, to the t. you really come to find that going on like this isn't possible when you're forcing yourself constantly to a breaking point

honestly when i first read that i thought "well that can't be me, i have to do this" but after hours on hours of literal panic? attacks, especially those after i sent my asthma inhaler home by accident and had to wait it out for it to eat my time, it's come true i guess.

and i know i can't do this anymore. i slipped hard and i fell and i can't continue like this. i think all i can do is acknowledge that i hit a deep low for mental health but accept that i chose to remedy my position to not ruin myself or any of my chances any further.