Clare Jordan

Jasper rolled his eyes as she went on, he knew she was hurt even before she walked in the door. He knew the moment she found out, she was casting the blame and taking the pain as her own.  It was Clare, she took everything to heart especially when it was about family–was about him. She wasn’t emotional, but when she was angry she was a hurricane. She was on a warpath and he was next to be taken apart by her wrath. But he couldn’t take her throwing this on herself, he couldn’t take listening to her try and tear into him. He wasn’t sure what she wanted to accomplish by doing all of this–but he couldn’t listen. “Shut up, Clare, just shut up!” He snapped at her. “You–you know they’d never do any of that. No matter what you did, they wouldn’t give me a damn thing until I give them up. That’s what they want, they want me to talk to you. They’re listening, they wouldn’t let you come in here if they weren’t.” Jasper knew the room had to be bugged or even maybe she was, either way, it wasn’t safe to say much of anything. He was standing now, his hands tethered to the bench by the hand cuffs. “You’re not, I know that, but you’re on their side, you’d–you’ve trusted them and you’re not going to change sides now. And if you tell ‘em about us, everything I told you–You’be signing my death certificate. I’d be just like Erik. You’d kill all of us, our blood would be on your hands, is that what you want Clare? They don’t want us to come back and make friendship bracelets with them, they want us dead ‘cause they know we know the truth. We know what’s really going on and and you’re so–If you wanted to stop this, you’d quit blaming yourself and actually do something!” The metals clang together as he pulls at the cuffs, trying to walk towards her, he was screaming now. “I would’ve left even if you tried, you’re not my mom, you can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I was trying to save you, save all of us, Clare. I can’t lose you too, I was trying to keep you safe. You’re in more danger–you couldn’t just leave it alone, could you? You couldn’t just trust me, just once I needed you to trust me and let me fix it. And you couldn’t.” He sighs, turning away from her. The emotion was already slipping through, but he’d be damned before he’d let her see him cry over this.

The question was, would it be worth the hatred if it saved his life?

He shouted and she quieted in surprise. She was used to people yelling at her like that, she was used to Jasper yelling, but she wasn’t used to Jasper yelling at her like that. His sudden lack of faith in her ability to get what she wanted was just another thorn in the long vine of briar that separated them, that seemed to grow the longer they were on this damn planet. He’d always laughed at her demanding nature, always joked she could get whatever she wanted. But now he had no faith in her ability to get even small comforts for him, to make this shithole a little less shitty, and that too hurt. Which only worsened her mood as she stood to meet him.

“You’re right, I’m not your mom. Because we both know she wouldn’t stand for seeing you chained up like this and she’d want you out. And furthermore, you don’t want me to do something to stop this, because you know what I’d do and the assurance that you’d hate me if I gave up these kids you seem to value so much is the only reason I haven’t.” She growled. “I don’t know what it is about Charles that makes you think he’s satan incarnate, but he’s not. He’s just a man, thrown into a violent situation and responding in kind because when we tried to be peaceful, we died. I get that you don’t like his methods, and yes it’s unfortunate what happened to Erik, but has it occurred to you that you’ve all created a self-fulfilling prophecy? Charles doesn’t hesitate when he feels there’s a threat to his people, that’s his issue. You keep fighting against him and you keep giving him reasons not to trust you, and to think you’re a threat to the safety of the rest of us. If you’d stop trying to split the camp and fight against Charles’ Chancellorship, you wouldn’t have to fear for your safety.” 

“And how dare you accuse me of not trusting you? Of not leaving it alone? When did I not trust you? When I kept your secret for you against my better judgement? When did I not leave it? When I walked away and let you continue to risk being caught? You’re so blinded by your friends you seem to have forgotten that I do want to have your back.” She turned, prepared to leave, but still words spilled out. “But if you don’t want me around anymore, fine. You want to act like those kids are all you’ve got trying to help you? Fine. But don’t you dare belittle what I’ve done for you to make me seem like the enemy because you hate Charles.”

Jasper didn’t look up, he didn’t even acknowledge the food. The smell of it made him feel sick, his stomach ached for something to eat. But to give in would be to give them exactly what they wanted. He pushed the food away, keeping his head down and eyes averted. He couldn’t look at her, he couldn’t have her try to break him too. He wanted to trust her, he wanted to know that she wasn’t trying to turn him too–what a stupid thing to hope for. “I’m not hungry,” he said flatly, the words burning against his raw throat. “Especially not for a bribe.” He leaned forward on his knees, twisting his hands together. “And if that’s what you’re trying to do, you should go. I’m not talking, Clare.”

“I wasn’t going to bring up talking, I was going to ask how you were, if you needed anything I could guilt or bully one of the others to give you but if you’re going to treat me like the enemy I won’t bother.” She snapped, hiding her hurt under irritation despite the fact that she hadn’t fooled him in years. She’d always been the same way; the more hurt and emotional she got, the more vicious she got, it was her go-to defense mechanism. 

He wasn’t interested in talking, so she did. “I didn’t fucking put you here Jas, don’t talk to me like I did. I didn’t tell anyone what you told me, though you can bet it’s crossed my mind every minute since I’ve heard you’re in here, and I didn’t give you away. I told you it was too risky but you insisted on doing it and I let you and now you’re here, so instead of treating me like I put you here, why don’t you give one second to think about how I already feel like I put you here because I didn’t stop you.” 

“I don’t understand why Jasper doesn’t see it…” He admitted, “Pike isn’t going to want to like… force them all to come back or anything, right? It can’t be about that. Besides, it’s not like they pose a threat to us. Jasper and the others would never hurt any of us, Pike can’t think it’s that.” He shook his head a little, not believing that for a second.

However, the look Clare gave him made him hesitate just a bit, before repeating, “They don’t pose a threat though. He just has to tell Pike whatever it is he wants, and I’m sure nothing bad will happen. Pike just… doesn’t like not knowing things. Which I don’t blame him for, you know? Knowing that you’re safe is important. They just need to both talk and understand that.”

She couldn’t agree with him though. “I don’t know. And maybe that’s the problem. He may want to force them here, and he may put them in cells too to keep them here. They know too much, and if they don’t trust Kane and they don’t trust Charles, there’s always going to be a risk of them going to the grounders to change the balance of power. And if Charles is thinking the same thing, he won’t let them just live peacefully outside the gates.” 

A part of her felt the sting of betrayal against Jasper, but she couldn’t deny what she saw unfolding. “And if Charles thinks they pose a threat, which they could if they side with the grounders, he’ll either contain it, or eliminate it.” She could only hope Bryan wouldn’t hold against her her next words, because she knew Jasper would. 

“It’s the only smart move.”

Quietly, he picked the papers up again with shaky hands, resettling himself as he thought of what to say. “I know,” He finally decided on, standing up again and turning to face her. He walked over, leaning against the wall next to her lightly. “He shouldn’t be in jail,” He added, “I know that Pike isn’t going to let him just sit there… but you’re not useless. We can figure something out, okay?”

He tilted his head to look at her then, chewing a little on his lip, “I understand that Jasper is loyal to them, but he needs to take care of himself too. Maybe you can talk to him and get him to understand that? Or… Make a deal with Pike or something. Pike isn’t a bad guy. He’s just trying to keep everyone safe, you know? Jasper has to know that too, right?”

She did feel him join her leaning against the wall, and she uncovered her face to look at him with an expression that felt unfamiliar on her face; worry. She wasn’t accustomed to not being in control and she didn’t like it. She nodded at his first words, though they didn’t do much to make her feel less useless, she appreciated his effort. 

But at his second ones, her expression grew even tighter. “I know he’s not, that’s the problem. He’s a good guy, but Jasper refuses to see that. And despite being a good guy, he’s not harmless. If he thinks the others pose a threat outside the walls, he’ll do anything to figure out where they are, and that’s what worries me.” We know what he’s capable of if he feels threatened, she tried to communicate with her eyes. 

“Whoa,” He stated in surprised at seeing a girl go running past him from where he knew Clare was, raising an eyebrow at hearing the slammed door. He paused a moment to give her time to settle a little so he didn’t get the door slammed on him if he tried to open it. He stepped forward then, opening the door and stepping inside, taking a look around the room, not surprised by the chaotic state of it.

“You know, if you keep chasing people off like that, you’re going to get voted off the island, babe,” He stated gently, a light tease in his voice, “And i don’t think that’d be fun.” He stooped and began to pick up the papers that were scattered around, letting her have a moment before he would get any closer.

She didn’t even bother commenting on the nickname; Bryan was one of only two people that could get away with calling her babe (the other being Wick and only because she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her irritable over it) without losing an appendage. “I’m about to vote myself off this stupid island.” She retorted, watching him gather up the fallen papers and rather than kneeling to help, she started pacing again. 

“Jasper’s in jail, Bryan, what the hell am I supposed to do?” She babbled, half to Bryan, half to herself. “Charles isn’t going to let him sit there forever without wanting something, and Jasper’s being stupidly loyal to the other kids and I’m sitting here fucking useless!” She threw herself dramatically against the wall, her back slamming into the metal with a satisfying thud.

He smirked a little at the idea that he was stuck with ( overly young ) mini-einsteins was a little scary. But the smile fell off his face the minute she mentioned the Ice Nation territory. RIGHT should probably ( not ) be joking about almost getting slaughtered in the snow. Also he had to give props to these Ice Nation guys they’d successfully made humanity scared of fluffy white stuff. Like wow. That’s really some amazing ( or horrifying ) marketing right there.

So she nodded decisively. “I’m in. Bone marrow, huh? That’s…” intense, was the word she was looking for, but she got distracted by a thought, “what was wrong with her?” Something that merited bone marrow treatments- which were both risky and unpleasant even in incredible facilities- must be something big.

“Well, I’m here for it,” He chuckled, knowing that she was slightly kidding; he wasn’t super devoted to this stuff like she was, more-so just devoted to being a friend and helping, but he supposed it all added up to the same thing. “I trust you will,” He stated with a nod, “I know you’re good at instructions.” However, at hearing her mention the grounders, he tensed up a bit, carefully sitting the papers down on the nearest table.

“I… okay,” He managed out, voice just slightly shaky, “Are they… really civil here? I mean, I haven’t exactly spoken to any of them, because after what happened, I don’t know, but…” He shook his head, and then without thinking, moved to take the papers from her too, sitting them down and then practically tackling her in the hug he’d been waiting for.

“They’re decent. I don’t know if I’d say civil, per say, but they’re not the furry killers we met when we landed. They’ll be somewhat saf- what?!” The papers in her arms were suddenly gone, but instead of the snap at the sudden snatch, she only grunted in surprise as he threw his arms around her. Only he and Jasper really got touchy and affectionate with her, and while she wasn’t the best at the cuddly thing, she gave him a hug back, feeling a sudden rush of gratitude that he was safe and alive, something few people that disappeared from Ice Nation managed to return as.

Her arms tightened around him for a moment before she pulled away and shook her hair out of her face, reclaiming the more familiar pragmatic expression she was used to. “I forgot how huggy you are.” She said, the admonishment made moot by the fondness of her tone.

           The question wasn’t something that he cared for real. It didn’t matter if Steel was curious about the mountain SURE as a System Engineer ( which was basically just a fancy word for former Zero-G mechanics who hadn’t taken the engineering exams but were more than qualified to be engineers so they made them work on the less life threatening systems ) he should CARE about what was in the mountain. But as long as his son was safe ( and he was – so what was holding him back now ) maybe it was the idea that if he went THERE he would get too distracted to want to come back – and he needed to come back. He needed to have his SON and his GIRLFRIEND and he had a duty to these people from farm station to protect them. He could go getting distracted by the beautiful technology ( OR WHATEVER ) that was hidden in T`HE MOUNTAIN.

But the idea of the runaways being in the mountain put a kink in her plans. She wanted desperately to get into that mountain, and she had Steel volunteering to go on a mission for her, and with Steel in her corner there was no way Pike would say no.

But the kids. She’d promised Jasper she wouldn’t give him away, and now she was stuck trying to figure out how to deny herself something she’d open and demandingly wanted since day 1. “Maybe. Charles has a lot to worry about right now, maybe I’ll give him some time to get everyone settled before I start ordering random people around an abandoned mountain.” She said, adopting a familiar, long-suffering expression Steel and the others had gotten on more than one opinion when she agreed to curb her demands for the greater good.

She wanted to confirm it for him, the words were already on the tip of her tongue and it was pure luck that she didn’t just blurt out ‘oh that’s where they are’. But loyalty to Jasper- arguably the only emotion she let override her typical bluntness- stopped her, and she simply listened. And when he moved on the technicalities of the mountain, it was easier to resist blurting out the secret Jasper had reluctantly let slip. “I love how quickly you knew that. This is why you’re one of my very limited favorite people. Pike, true, he’s never much cared for my work but he’s never gotten in the way of it either.” She was somewhat reluctant to ask Pike about getting access, it would put the kids up there in danger if they were found out.

But still, the opportunity was so tempting.

“You don’t sound curious yourself, don’t you wonder what’s up there?” Only slightly less risky, asking if he was curious too, but Steel wouldn’t harm the kids. Worst case, he’d drag them back. But hopefully if they came back, Pike wouldn’t be too upset with them. They were just rebellious teenagers after all.

          At the sound behind him, Monty looked up hopeful– though for a strew of faces he knew were gone. Arkadia was too quiet these days, and though he didn’t regret staying behind ( okay maybe some nights he did ) he did regret the loss. Splitting up had been for the best, right? Then how come it just felt like another gap in which to loss and hurt? Any optimism dwindled, however, as soon as he saw the face. 

          He missed his friends.

          He missed the hundred.

It didn’t fix what Pike had been doing since arriving, but it made it easier to forgive him in Clare’s eyes. “I just got you back, kid. Don’t go running off into some mountain in grounder filled woods just to spite some pompous asshole. It’s not worth dying over, and I swear that if you do die, I will summon you back from death just to read you the riot act.” The words were gruff, trying to brush over the genuine concern in her eyes, the genuine fear that he would leave the fence and never come back.

It wasn’t as though that hadn’t happened all too often to her in the last months.

          Be USELESS isn’t quite right, he doesn’t quite care about it. The whole SCIENCE thing wasn’t exactly the most useful thing down here and if he was being honest he didn’t quite care for things that weren’t 100% needed up until things calmed down a few weeks ago. Why did it matter if he’d looked for them at all, still as she kept talking he just nodded along, letting out a small laugh as she suggested that he might actually have missed her ( which they BOTH knew was a little too true ) and promptly moved on from the topic. No need to linger in a place where they both would just get too awkward if it continued. He did however give her a small thanks as she concluded that she was going to get him a helper ( not like he’d expected her to wait six months anyway ). 

His voice hitched on the word friend, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “You don’t have friends. You have lackeys and you have people you occasionally tolerate. Who’s this friend that’s important enough to merit a favor from you?”