me when i fucking explode about it

whitebaby you can literally just say ass. whitebaby just say "this" instead of butchering aave. whitebaby. whitebaby stop

THATS THE BITCH

YOU GUYS ARE TOO GOOD AT THIS WHAT THE HELL

Actually I've decided this is a poem

7/31/2026

there are teenagers whose parents met on tinder

"um what about grindr" I'll be honest i thought grindr was a few years younger than tinder but nope, it's the other way around. there are 17-year-olds filling out college applications whose parents met on grindr. huge win for the gays

the thing is like men and men really cant be friends because the sex part does always get in the way like thats true. and i mean that like im actually dead serious about that

like have you ever seen two straight men attempt to be friends with each other but the gay sex they arent having is literally preventing them from the transformative healing power of friendship. this is real

i dont even mean this in a "they want to fuck each other" way (although many of them do and will never know it) i mean that like the fact that gay sex is even hypothetically possible between them makes it loom over their friendship like it genuinely haunts them that they could be having it. gay sex is the elephant in the room every time they attempt to be emotionally vulnerable with one another, every time they let a hug linger too long. they cannot address its existence and so there is always something in their way, preventing true connection. and that something is the gay sex. that they are not having. the elephant of gay sex

kidnapping is such a ugly word. i prefer “noncon gap year.”

My son gave me a card that said, "You are the best mom ever" so I asked him if he collected empirical evidence to back up that claim. He admitted to doing no research at all; therefore it's purely anecdotal and cannot be trusted. I have hung this sentimental atrocity on my office wall.

sometimes a fic will blow up in fandom and everyone is like omg you have to read thissss. and you open it and the grammar is. well.

Sexy babe Lady Macbeths are a plague. Lady Macbeth should obviously be at least butch, if not outright trans - the first thing she does in the play is try to use magic to transition - but nooooo it’s too threatening if she isn’t hot to straight men.

there's a really fun balance when you know someone has a crush on you where you can tease them for having a crush on you without letting them know you know they have a crush on you. this only works because people who have crushes will analyze everything you say but not very well. anyway, i love playing with my food.

Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything