An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
What ravenous emotion it was as it engulfed Kagura’s heart while she swallowed the lump in her throat as they both said I do. The kiss sealed their matrimony to each other.
Okikaguweek 2017: Day 7: Jealousy
Kagura watched with a smile as the bride glided across the aisle, her dark crimson eyes locked into the groom’s red eyes. The usual unfazed expression of Nobume was nowhere to be found that day, as she put on a gorgeous smile, genuinely masking her true emotions.
She remembered vividly the day Nobume came to her place and asked her herself to be one of her bridesmaids. The vermilion head didn’t think twice to agree as she too was genuinely happy for her dear friend finally having her grand day. For the first few weeks, when all three of them including Soyo were busy planning for the wedding, the reality didn’t hit her. But as the days went by, it dawned on her, how her happiness for her friend also sides with this aching feeling deep within her heart.
It’s been almost two years now, and to be honest, Kagura still hasn’t moved on. But she couldn’t say no to Nobume, not when she’s this pleased. What kind of friend was her to rob the beaming bride from feeling so content as a bride should be?
She watched from behind the raven-haired as they exchanged their wedding vows and it was evident that the groom was happy as well. His usual expressionless face decorated with a slight smile and the sparkle gleamed in his eyes were obvious as he stared into Nobume’s eyes.
Ahh. So that’s what this is.
What ravenous emotion it was as it engulfed Kagura’s heart while she swallowed the lump in her throat as they both said I do. The kiss then sealed their matrimony to each other.
It wasn’t like her to not have appetite especially when she’s surrounded by food, but her fork danced on the plate as she played with her appetizer, barely eaten. Gintoki sat next to her and started devouring the chocolate parfait he brought with him from the banquet table.
“Kagura, stop playing with your food. You’re too old for me to keep reminding you of these manners.”
“It’s salad, who eats this shit anyway?”
“Healthy people, vegan, I don’t know, not me, and obviously not you. If you don’t like it, you’re free to grab anything else. Not that I have to tell you that.”
“Not hungry.” She said as her eyes tailed the newly announced husband and wife dancing. She smiled at them, their happiness was infectious and she was feeling it as well. Even when she’s hurting at the same time.
“I know, you lose your appetite when he’s occupying that loose head of yours.”
He didn’t say a word at first and Kagura thought she wouldn’t get an answer.
“They don’t.” Her eyebrows furrowed together and she broke her stare from the newlyweds to look at her dad, looking for an explanation to his words. Gintoki might not look like much, hell if he didn’t have Yorozuya, he was as bad as Madao, but his wisdom in many times was beyond his years.
“You just get used to their absence. It still hurts and it sucks but life goes on. You get back up and you live your life.”
“I don’t know about that. It’s been 2 years, and I’m still not used to it.”
“Hijikata-san!” A small child’s voice caught their attention and they looked at Souichiro running to the Shinsengumi’s Vice Chief while an out of breath Shinpachi tailed him to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.
“Hey Sougo junior.” They heard Hijikata said to the kid while he picked him up from the floor. Indeed, the kid looked like a carbon copy of the former Captain of Shinsengumi’s 1st Division but unlike his dad, the kid was rather fond of the Demon Vice Chief. And who would’ve thought that Hijikata has a soft spot for children, or maybe just at this kid because he resembles his dad so much, and maybe because he also resembles Mitsuba, the love of his life as well.
“That’s maybe because, you haven’t let him go.”
“Kagura-chan what are you doing? We’re going to be late if we don’t leave now.” Soyo knocked on the bathroom door.
“Okay, okay. I’m done.” She exited the bathroom and did another once over in front of the mirror. “I had a hard time placing the hair ornament. Okay, how do I look?” She looked at everyone for approval, but all she got was silence.
“What? Is it that bad? Should I not wear it? Damn it.”
“No, no, it’s just that- you look absolutely beautiful Kagura-chan.” Otae said with teary eyes and pulled the yato girl into a crushing hug.
“Anego nooo- you’re going to make me cry too. Stop it!”
“Okay people don’t cry yet, we don’t have time for that. We need to get to the chapel if we want to get to your wedding on time.”
Kagura’s beginning of a happily ever after slowly dissipated when she got there. What welcomed them at the chapel was a scene out of an action movie scene aftermath. There were a few ambulances with medics treating the injured people. The roof of the chapel had been reduced to rubbles that caused the dust to be misting the surrounding area. And everyone was in a state of confusion.
“Mami!” She saw Souichiro in Gintoki’s arms, Gintoki whose tuxedo was a mess with a trail of blood covered his right side of the face.
“Hey sweetie. Are you okay?” He nodded while hiccuping, probably just calmed himself down from crying evident from the tear stains on his face.
“Souichiro, can you go with Otae-san for a while. I need to speak to Gin-chan, okay?” He was hesitant at first, but eventually agreed when Soyo offered him a candy.
“We don’t know who, but, someone attacked the chapel while we’re occupied with the wedding. Everyone was caught off guard and most of us had no weapons with us.”
“Where’s Sadist?” He avoided her eyes and something pooled in her guts.
“Gin-chan, where is he?” She didn’t need him to answer and went into the building herself. Her eyes were stinging with tears building up but she quickly wiped it away.
She didn’t want to believe it. Believe Gintoki. From how he looked it seemed something bad had happened, but he’s alive. He’s got to be alive. It’s Sadist she’s thinking here. He survived fighting Utsuro, he survived going up against her brother, hell he survived every single one of their fights. This is not enough to take him down.
She put all her strength into kicking and pushing all the rubbles out of her way and stopped when she got inside and saw the Shinsengumi members gathering at a place. Some were crying but most of them were silent as they stare at a motionless lying figure. Then, they saw her. Without words, they parted and made way for Kagura to see him.
The first person she saw was her brother, hands and most of his tux soaked with blood. He looked up and met her eyes.
“I’m sorry sis. I tried stopping his bleeding but-”
Kagura felt the tears trickled down her cheeks as her eyes took in the man of her dreams, the love of her life, the father of her kid, her best friend, and her rival, laid down on the dusty floor, unbreathing. Her lips quivered slightly as her hand felt his pulseless neck, trying to confirm her first thought.
“Can everyone give us a minute?” Her silent sobs rocked her body gently as everyone left them alone. She wiped her face and put on her best smile, as best as she could with tears ruining her makeup.
“S-sadist. Don’t do this to me. I-it’s not funny.
“Please… what am I supposed to tell Souichiro?
“Sougo, come on, please wake up. I’m all dressed up just for you today. I even memorized my vows. You’re supposed to put on the ring on me.
“You promised.” Slow her last plea, before her head dropped on his chest just above his blood that pooled around his abdomen and she cried, wetting his already ruined clothes.
Shinpachi wanted to console her but Gintoki stopped him, asking him to give her another few minutes. And they listened. To her sobs, as the fact that she won’t see him again came down on her like rain hitting the solid ground. To her pleas, for him to come back to her and their son.
But the dead couldn’t be brought back to life. And only silence embraced her after all her begs.
“I, Kagura promise to stay wi-with you through everything, every g-good, bad, every horrible thing you brought yourself into. I-I promise to be by your side, in sick and in health. I promise to be the best mother for our child or children in the future and to always be a great wife. But most of all, I will always love you, even when you drive me nuts, even when we fight, even when I hate you.”
Everyone behind the destroyed walls of the chapel bit back their sobs as they listened to Kagura saying her vows to her already dead fiancée. Gintoki took a deep breath and walked to Kagura. Quietly, he sat in front of her, whose sobs were getting more controllable.
“Kagura, here.” She looked up and saw him handing her the wedding rings.
“Do you, Kagura, take Okita Sougo as your husband?”
“Do you, Okita Sougo, take Kagura, as your wife?”
They both could only stare at his face as the question hangs midair without any answer.
“The ring, Kagura. Put it on his finger.”
“We all know his answer. He read his vows to me earlier. If he was here, he wouldn’t think twice to say yes. Put it on him.” She did, and Gintoki helped her put hers on.
“I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss– the groom.” Kagura wiped her face dry and took a deep breath, before leaning down and kissed Sougo on his lips.
That’s what she felt in the wedding before, because it should be her and Sougo at that dance floor radiating their happiness for the whole room to feel two years ago. But the universe had other plans instead, and their relationship was cut short. Nevertheless, she meant what she said.
To always love even when I hate you.
She hated that he left her. She hated that he kept appearing in her dreams and rendered her sleepless at nights. She hated that she still couldn’t bring herself to take off her wedding ring. Because despite everything, she loves him and she still does.
But for today, it wasn’t about her. It was Nobume and Saito’s moment. Who would’ve thought that Nobume had fallen for the Captain of Shinsengumi’s 3rd Division. For some odd reason, they make a great couple. And she left the ceremony feeling happy for the newlyweds with her son in her hands, they walked, but not to their home.
“Where are we going Mami?”
The cemetery was serene and tranquil. The sun was setting, coloring the sky a gorgeous gradient of orange and red. Souichiro placed the flower he picked up while he walked there and he looked as his mother placed the dango in front of the tombstone with an inscription of his father’s name on it. He mirrored Kagura’s action when he saw her mother closed both her eyes and placed both her palms together. They’ve done this a few times before so the kid knew what he’s supposed to do now.
“Happy anniversary Sadist.” She ended her prayer after a few minutes of silence before looking back at Souichiro.
“I told Papi that he doesn’t have to worry about us. I will protect you in his place, so he can relax and rest all he like up there.” With a smile, she kissed the crown of her son’s head.
“I’m sure he’s glad you said that.”
“Mah, Sou-chan, he does look like you.”
“Kagura-chan is pretty as always.”
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